Zombie Survival Kit
Great Minds Taste Alike. A guide to fighting off your crafty zombies.
Does your day-to-day crafting regimen have a zombie infestation plan? Like a back up for those projects that truly resemble Dawn of the Dead? It’s like those projects you’ve thought about doing, even bought the materials for, and perhaps started but never finished. The ones you’ve probably stashed somewhere, but for all intents and purposes have failed to relocate…either because you’ve purposely done so or you’ve just plain forgot. And then there’s those projects you’ve made for someone else or said you’d make for someone else, and they bought you some supplies, but you’ve never even started it. Brain eaters they are haunting you in your sleep, in your craft room, and even in your stash!
This spooky season I wanted to provide you with a bit of arsenal when taking on your craft zombies and help you find answers for questions like What do they look like? Why do they exist? How can I take them down once and for all?
IDENTIFYING CRAFT ZOMBIES
Craft zombies are pretty much indecipherable from normal crafts, but don’t be fooled! Getting too close could be costly! You will know when you have a craft zombie in your midst when you or your zombie exhibit the following traits, behaviours, and appearances:
- You have nightmares about your craft zombies. They crawl into your sleep and start affecting your daytime crafting activities. It is a definite craft zombie when you put of crafting or refuse to go into your craft room because it will be there to eat your brain!
- It’s floppy arms or crafted appendages will dangle asking for a hug: say no to zombie hugs!
- Zombies move in packs and congregate to get the same target. Beware of groups of crafts you think are looking pale, lack luster, or even like they’ve “died”.
- Craft zombies eat other zombies. Did a project go missing? Look around it for the culprit.
- It will smell like something died.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’VE IDENTIFIED YOUR ZOMBIES
So, your stash or craft room is full of these flesh-eating craft zombies and you just would rather run? Here’s some tips of what to do when you’ve realized your life is overrun with zombies:
- Don’t run. This is the dumbest move. Running away from a zombie only makes you tastier and their presence more horrifying.
- Don’t slow dance with it or hold it close! Keep alert! You can’t save it! You can only save yourself!
- Try throwing salt on it. According to part of a Voodoun legend, if a zombie tastes salt, it will return to the grave.
- Aim at the head and not the body! Get this zombie where it hurts by using a seam ripper, crimping shears, or even a blow torch (outdoors only). Reclaiming materials from a craft zombie may be good for the environment, but it might just torture you from then on. Maybe recycle the materials or donate them to the thrift store (aka. The grave).
- If you do burn your zombie, heed this advice: "Zombies are flammable, but burning them agitates them into a fiery stumbling dance routine. Give yourself a good distance and don't try to roast marshmallows." (Jeff Russell).
HOW TO AVOID NEW ZOMBIE ATTACKS
- Protect new projects from ones you think could be zombies. Don’t add more craft zombies to the community if they’re not needed, desperately. You could be encouraging the growth of a zombie pack.
- Try to have access to a lot of rooms at the same time. Change location, mix it up. Being in the same place all the time encourages zombie attacks because they know where you are, and you may just as well be trapped.
- Don’t revisit your craft zombie graveyards…ever.
And remember, at the end of the day you can’t get sentimental about your craft zombies. They have no feelings and are just looking for Brains!