what is wrong with me???:(

hey.....

so i guess i should just jump head first into this... in the past few months i have noticed i have turned into a complete bitch... well so my boyfriend says... things are pretty tough right now money wise as he isnt woking and doesnt seem to be actively looking for a job(which i never mention) and i dont earn enough to support us both... we are having to move house as we cant afford the rent and we also have two dogs. i love our dogs they are really cute and funny but i dont have the patience with them that i should. this leads to more fights. we could save a lot more on rent if we found an apartment but we cant because of the dogs.... i wanted to look into to finding them new homes, where there owners would really love to take care of them, but my bf kept making it out as if i was just doing it to be bad.... i wasnt, i genuinely wasnt i was doing it because i was trying to save us money.
we fight a lot because of "my attitude" or the wat that i speak to him. apparently i dont respect him, because i get cranky but he doesnt seem to understand the pressures i am under, i am 23 and i own my own business. time sare tough economically everywhere and i cant deal with all the stress both at work or at home.
also whenever i feel ill, he also feels ill with miraculously the exact same thing... i dont think its too much to ask for to get some tlc once in a while...

everything i do is wong eveything i say is wrong....

im so confused...

is it me?? is it the situation??? what should i do please help me

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13 replies since 12th March 2010 • Last reply 12th March 2010

There are a lot of pressures on you at the moment. It's particulary difficult if you are the one bringing in all the finances. Sounds like you are upset because you don't feel like you are getting financial or emotional support. You are probably exhausted and don't know what way to turn. Working for yourself also means you never really stop working.

Pets are expensive and I can see why you would want to find them new homes. You see it as a practical solution he seems to see it as a reason to make you feel bad. It sounds like he may be projecting his own insecurities onto you. Because he's not earning it's like he feels he has no input or control over things. So it comes out as arguing.

You sound like a pratical person who sees a problem and tries to find a solution that you can live with even if it's not exactly what you want.

Try talking to your boyfriend without using the word 'you'. It's really difficult at first. Say something like 'the.........is making me feel.......how do you feel about..........' Taking the word 'you' out of the conversation takes away the feeling of accusation as it's a direct word and can be interpreted as blaming. Sit at the same height so it's non confrontational and speak slower as it's more calming.

You don't sound like a bitch......your having a tough time

Hope this helps x

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to b honest u dont sound like a bitch u sound like a stressed single mom as in u have everything 2 take care of and cant get it done all ur self and it is driving u nuts stress makes everyone really cranky and i agree with what sheila said as well

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Annie, honey you really aren't being a bitch I promise you!!

Sheila is right, because you are having to do everything yourself all the responsibility is down to you, when you have problems at work, home should be a refuge. If things are not good at home then work should become your refuge of sanity. Since you have both home and work issues you have no-where to take a load off. First tip is, when you find the time, take a lovely walk somewhere, go for a drink, soak in the bath or whatever it does for you to try and relax a little. I know it is hard, but just give it a try.

The fact that your boyfriend is working against you and not with you is equally making things worse, he is obviosly in denial about the situation you are both in!! Sit and talk to him, something needs to give because obviously things will not work out. Although as I say this, you do not need to cave in, you are already doing so much. You need to make him understand how his contribution and understanding will ease things at home.

I hope you get things sorted honey. We are here if you need us

Mucho love to you
xxxxx

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The current economy is tough for everyone. You're stressing and bf is relaxing, with no concerns at all. I agree with other advice offered. Take the pets outside for a walk and enjoy the new and upcoming spring. Relaxing for you and for the dogs. If someone asks about them, mention that they are available, it may lead to something. Though I know that'll be tough. Visit a library or second hand bookshop and re-read an old favorite, if you enjoy reading. Maybe talk with some other local shop owners and see what they're doing to keep their businesses going. Options are up to you.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

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try having an honest talk with your boyfriend, let him say his side of things, and try to explain why he's acted inconsiderately towards you. perhaps he doesnt realise the stress you are under, or doesnt understand, so tell him honestly how hard things have been for you.. if he cannot understand you and will not try acting kinder and more considerately towards you, then maybe he isnt the one for you..?

just my opinion, hope it helps!

p.s. you sound perfectly normal; just like me. i have been told similar things myself; just tell people how their comments upset you and why you think they are untrue, perhaps they dont realise how much it hurts you..?

x Happy

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I think that you can sit down and think of what you need to do. And yse, it will be pain and hard. And absolutely necessary.

And you know that.

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u are being an adult he is being a little child and not much of a man living off you where is your knight in shinning armor you are not his mother its not your job to take care of him. a relationship is about caring for and supporting each making financial decisions that benefit u both and get you to a good place in life.and finally if your partner doesnt make you a better person or at least change things for the better in your life they are dead weight cut them loose pick yourself and move on take a new path

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Can i just ask why you are so sure that there is something wrong with you?

~Surely, if he loves you, he should perhaps be a little more supportive of you and less critical~

If you honestly believe the problem is yours then you need to address your own issues, and not listen to the issues others have with you.

K/x

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thanks so much to everyone for your kind words and help, things are a little better at home, funnily enough it was me who had to change, we came to breaking point and i ended up sleeping in my store... not fun not warm not comfy.... i couldnt face being alone with all this pressure and when he told me what exactly he thought was the problem it all made sense... the problem is me.... im an angry person... i ont want to be but i dont know how i can change, everything in my life seems to have turned bad and i cant ehlp but feel let down by the world, my father turned his back on me and married again and has a new family, my sister is a narcissist who only cares about herself and her fool of a bf, my mom to be honest is great, but she is a single woman trying to raise a six year old she doesnt have time for my problems. i jst feel trapped. i went out with some friends the other night and i felt so completely out of my depth, i looked like a beached whale beside them, i find i have nothing interesting to say andi feel like im trying desperately to be what everyone thinks i am... i just want to be some one else, even for a day to just not be me would be magnificent....

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I'm not sure if I've read the situation right but there seems alot going on around you emotionally that you are not to blame for that. People have to take responsibility for their own emotional health. Sometimes it's the person who feels most down that is expressing how the whole family/friends are acting/feeling. It's like you have become the emotion jug that people have put their feelings into. It can only get so full before it floods over or worse, breaks. Your anger sounds like it comes from frustration at not being able to 'fix' things. Sometimes we have to realise some things arn't ours to fix. Sounds like you could do with some 'Me' time and be kind to yourself. Learn who you really are. Love yourself for who you are and be honest with yourself. It's nothing to do with how others see you, but how you see yourself. You don't need to be anyone else Happy

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First of all...Your man is probably stressed too. It's hard for a guy to not be the bread winner. The more they think about not being "alpha" the deeper in a funk they get. If you guys can't sit down and talk about how you really feel without arguing...try to agree to write each other a letter. Sometimes when we argue, we loose sight of the actual problem because we try to hard to throw out points that make us "win".

Second of all...and not to deter your relationship...but if you get angry over stupid things that he does, (or if he gets angry at you for dumb things) you guys may be trying to find excuses to fight because you're not happy with each other. In my past relationship we fought EVERY DAY and I eventually realized that we fought because we were not right for each other, but I didn't think I'd ever be good enough for someone better.

Now, thank God, I have a man who when we have a disagreement, it is quickly resolved. We have an uncanny ability to LISTEN to each other's side without throwing blame around. And when I (or he) is wrong, we are adult enough to say..."you know what hun, you're right, I am being a jerk. I just had a long day, but I love you." If you can get to a point in your relationship where you BOTH can dismiss stupid arguments, then you'll be golden. Remember to pick your battles. If he throws his clothes on the floor by the hamper instead of IN it...but he takes out the trash with out having to be asked, then leave him alone and don't pick at him. And he should be the same to you. ;)

Sorry, this is long, but I'm really passionate about women finding men who treat them well...and then they treat their men well in return!

OH...and if you get bitchy, it's no one's fault but yours. ONLY you can MAKE you act in ANY way. YOU choose how to react to the things around you. You have the power to let it all roll of your shoulders, or fester inside till you explode. ;)

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you know, you sound stressed. And you have a right to be. I am a bitch when I am stressed

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Hi Annie,

I haven't heard fromyou in a while.
I hope things are ok with you Happy
We'll all be here for you if you need to talk.
Let us know how you've been getting on with your bf and your shop Happy

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