Pregnancy Woes

So I'm just gonna jump right into this. I want to get pregnant, really bad. I'm single and have very bad luck with males. I don't want to go to the sperm bank, because that costs money. I also don't have any friends that I would want to father the child, mostly because I would rather do it on my own. While the monetary support would be helpful, I don't really want anyone around, ya know? I also don't want to have a one night stand to get pregnant, because I would feel guilty that they would never know that they had a child. So I have this dilemma. How can I get pregnant without the male being around, without having to lie? Answer that I'm finding; you can't. :
I needed to vent, and wanted to do it on a site that could also possibly give me some advice. Thanks for reading. :]

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17 replies since 21st February 2011 • Last reply 21st February 2011

I don't understand the phenomenon to get pregnant and raise a child by yourself. Not only is it impossible to do it ALL alone, it also seems like a very unwise decision to purposely make when you are still young and most likely not settled in a lucrative career. This is my personal opinion. Have you ever thought that maybe your wish to have a child is actually a desire to be needed? Maybe consider applying yourself to different situations before you try to tackle this huge life-altering decision. Volunteer somewhere where you will provide invaluable support.
If you really feel you are up to the challenge of being a mother and all the demands this provides maybe you could "practice" at a daycare or nursery. If this still sounds "inadequate" maybe you should consider becoming a foster parent. Single people are no longer turned away, this is also a way for you to learn first hand the difficulties in raising a child. Bonus, you will be provided will valuable training and always have support.
Just curious, why do you want to become pregnant?

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I think that if you are unwilling or unable to pay for sperm at a sperm bank you need to re-consider whether or not you are able to properly care for a child.

http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

Here is a site that will tell you what you should expect to pay to raise a child and send them to college as a single parent- you're most likely looking at paying $243,068. Without college you can expect to pay $236,070 overall as a single parent.

I don't know how young you are but you appear very young to me and if you are still a teenager then I seriously encourage you to speak to a trusted adult about why you want to have a baby. I know MTV has glamorized teen pregnancy a lot lately but I assure you being a parent is not what you are seeing on TV.
If you are in your early twenties which would be the oldest I would assume your age to be, I would recommend you wait a while. It’s a lot easier to find prince charming without a baby in tow than it is to find one with a baby. And when you do meet the right man you’ll be glad you waited to have children with him rather than rushing into it by yourself.

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My sister is 17 and she's pregnant. I assure you that it's not beautiful unless you are like ABSOLUTELY ready for it. I mean, its hard on me watching her and taking care of her because she basically lives with me. If you want something to care for, I suggest looking into adopting a pet.

Gidget, she's my baby (dog) and she's very high maintenance. While my boyfriend is away at work I feel like I can do something because she needs me.

But being a foster parent would be great! So many children are turned away and in need of someone to care for them. I personally plan to adopt and take in foster kids when I'm able because they deserve a loving family just as much as anyone.

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I agree with the things that others have said. It is so hard to raise a child alone. I was 26 and married when I became pregnant with my daughter. I thought my relationship was stable but my now ex husband had several affairs and asked me to terminate the pregnancy. We owned and ran a care home for vunerable people so my home was also my workplace and my income security.

When he asked me to end the pregnancy I left, became homeless living on the streets and pregnant, not knowing where my next meal was coming from and having the clothes I was dressed in. I lost lots of weight which wasn't good for me or the baby. Each morning I sat on the welfare building steps to ask for help to put a roof over my head. I begged for food and stole some too to get through. Something I'm not proud of and it still upsets me.

I eventually got somewhere to live 3 weeks before my daughter was born but had no things for the house so I asked charities for help.

When my daughter was born I asked if I could stay in hospital longer because it was warmer than my place. I was so low and trying to manage a small baby and all the emotional changes was overwhelming. I remember ringing my health visitor because I couldn't tell if it was day or night.

Small babies need so much attention and there's the normal stuff of getting yourself washed and dressed and making meals for yourself. I gave myself a pat on the back for being able to get out of the house by 9am after getting up at 6am. There's the good old nappy bag, bottles, baby food and change of clothing to think about. Then you have to know where the baby changing facilities are and where you can feed them.

Doing it alone is so difficult. Imagine you want to go to the toilet or have a long soak in the bath. Now think how you would do that with a small teething baby that screams all the time.

I had more worries as my daughter became very ill and nearly died when she was 4yrs. It meant that I had to make lots of hospital visits and was unable to work. So I was providing for both of us on benefits. I had to put my career on hold and never got to go back to university to study. Each morning I had to do intensive physio on my child's legs so that now she can walk. Those hours I spent helping her then means she isn't in wheel chair now.

I have lived on very little money and struggled with a low paid job because I needed the hours to fit with school times. My daughter is now studying for university and has 2 interviews tomorrow. I'm proud of the things she has achieved.

I was willing to give up my marriage, my home, my finacial stability and my career to keep my child and give her chances. I wouldn't change anything I have done because I chose to have my daughter. It has cost me years of poverty and emotional pain though.

Do you think you are able to give yourself unselfishly and totally to the care and responsibilities needed to bring up a child? Things are never the same again and it's not something to enter into lightly. It's a life changing decision.

I know there are loads of pregnant actresses and singers parading their bumps in public. They have the money and lifestyle to give little regard to the cost. The rest of us live in the real world. Check out how much it costs a week for nappies and food and have a look at the price of a pram and cot.

Sorry it's so long I wanted you to have an idea of just how difficult things can be....nearly forgot to say....my ex husband also tried to get me sectioned as being mentally ill so he could take the daughter he never wanted from me....

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You are such a good mother Sheila!

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Thank you. I just did the best I could in the situation I was in Happy

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You look very young--too young to have a child, at least. Having a kid on your own is going to likely be more expensive and challenging than you think.

Being a "victim" of pop culture, I've watched a lot of shows about young girls who want to get pregnant, and it never works out well. A kid is more responsibility than one young woman can handle, especially when there's no partner around.

I concur with Felicity and Pinkweeds. You should apply yourself to actively taking care of other people's children before you decide to have your own, and maybe you just have a desire to feel needed.

If you like animals at all, maybe adopt a shelter dog or cat. Animals are going to be less expensive to take care of but still come with a lot of responsibilty--and if you get the right kind of pet, it will need you and maybe your desire to have a child will be satisfied.

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WOW Sheila what a strong woman you are!

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Wow sheila! You rock!

Im 27 with a 4 year old and a 2 month old.. married, home owner, hubby has a good paying job.. etc and I still struggle. It's a hard job, infact I would go as far to say it is the hardest job in the world! 27/7 non stop for the rest of your life! However it is very rewarding, when your child comes up to you for the first time and says "i love you momma"

I think if you REALLY want a child, money shouldn't be an issue, go to the sperm bank.. if you can't afford that then how do you suppose you will pay for everything a child needs? It isn't cheap.

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Got some really good news I want to share. My daughter is 18yrs now. She travelled to London on her own to an interview at Thames Valley University.

She has been given a conditional place to study film production and editing. She has put in lots of hours after school learning about cameras and editing at the National Media Museum in Bradford. It's something she has done by herself and I am so proud of her achievements Happy

We've never really had much in the way of money but I always encouraged her to read and took her to free museums to learn new things and talk about them.

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YAY Sheila, I remember you telling me that the other day and saying what a determined young person she is. At least now I can see where she gets it from ;)

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I really don't understand why you'd want a baby if you don't want the father to be involved. You look about the same age as me, five years older at most, and I think you should consider this extremely carefully before you decide to do something like this because it will affect you for the rest of your life. It is extremely expensive to raise a child, and this will be even more difficult on your own. I agree with PinkWeeds, it'll be a lot easier to find your soul mate without having the extra baggage of a child, it generally puts guys off when their potential partner already has a kid. Also think about the child, do you think they would want to grow up not knowing who their father is? I think if you really want a child, you should adopt a child instead, because then you'll be giving an already living child a chance to have a family.

@Sheila Wow.. You've been through so much.. Your daughter is lucky to have such a committed mother who loves her as much as you do. I don't know anyone who would give up everything to have her unborn child, I can't explain how much I look up to you for that. Most people would just have aborted like the husband wanted and lived with regret for the rest of their lives. It is clear that you love your daughter so much and the world needs more women like you.

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All I have to say is that if you really want to have a baby that is up to you. and since you really didnt say too much about your situation I cant say whether you should or not. I got pregnant with my son when I was eighteen. I had my hubby and both my parents and my two brothers and it was still the hardest thing ive ever done.the pregnancy and raising my son who is now four. I love him with all my heart and would never trade it for anything but you really, really need support.

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adoption?

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