racism... any advice?

The whole story is, I moved to Edmonton about a month ago, new school and everything, then one day one SOB can't figure out my name so he calls me an immigrant. I basically told him he was being racist for calling me that based on my skin, but he kept on saying stuff and I decided to ignore him. It's like that feeling when your neck or face kind of burns and they're just saying stuff to you right behind you; (I know i should've said something then) The thing is, I've dealt with bullying or name calling, but it's never been about my skin tone...

He also calls any girl a bitch or a slut- I went home seriously upset after he called me dumb bitch and an immigrant. He's racist to other people too, but they don't care. I know I need to stand up, but I don't know which way to do it. Can you give me advice on how I can deal with this myself?

thanks.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post
34 replies since 26th November 2010 • Last reply 26th November 2010

The first thing you should do is avoid contact with him: he sure is not worth it. Luckily immigrant is not really an insulting word, though I do acknowledge the negative connotation of it. You really should not take it personal, which probably is very difficult. Trust other people with your issue. Tell him he cannot say such things to you or anyone. When you have people supporting you, they can stand with you and affirm your right. Just ignore him when you do not feel like putting him on his place. If he keeps on calling you, say you do not want to react to someone who is not respectful.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

So you sound like me. I am the type of person to want to say sometihng to duches like that. Tine (above) is right, he is not worth your time. If you feel like saying some thing here is how you go sbout it: I have always found (being through many schools myself) that reverse psychology does wonders. Being condesending also helps too. What is actually happening to this guy is that he is not being respected by some one he holds in high regards, not being paid attention to, or dislikes an aspect of himself. So what the guy does is project the feelings that he is having all balled up in side him, come out as "slut" "bitch" to other people (sounds like he doesnt respect women in general) and more specifically to you as immigrant because now you are the one to made feeling strange/unusual/wierd. What you say: "you know Im sorry that you feel like you need to insult me like you are, you should try fixing your low self esteem problems that way you dont need to insult people. I really feel sorry for you." "Does your mother know you speak to women like this to girls, how would she feel." "Im sorry you need to project your internal problems on to other people...you know if you keep up this attitued you wont have any friend the rest of your life." "Does it make you feel better to insult people? Does it make you feel like you have power over people? Because I can tell you first hand that you area sorely mistaken." I have shut a couple people up with remarks like these. The thing is, is for your age group, they are not used to hearing things that sound like "adult talk" when they are amoung each other...it makes them and every one around feel awkward. I have to tell you that one of the school moves I made ended up this way and if things turn aggressive, you dont want aggressive to turn violent. PLEASE tell some one if it goes beyond what is safe. Hope you are well. HOLLY.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

My tactics for dealing with that would be to say "Yep, I'm a dirty filthy immigrant here to steal your jobs and your women". If you just agree with him to a stupid extent he'll realise how ridiculous it is.

I'd like it if Holly's way worked but in my experience, saying stuff like that makes it worse. Yeah, he's really insecure, so if you tell him he's insecure and everyone knows it he's likely to do worse. Well, that's in my experience anyway.

But you've got to do what's right for you, or what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to confront him then yeah, just ignore him - pretend you can't hear him. It's hard at first but it's gets easier to block people out.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

also speak to a teacher about this

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

He probably doesn't really care what it is he's saying, he just says what he knows will get the most attention and the biggest reaction. In your case it's something racist and with girls it's going to be calling them a dumb bitch. He's probably not REALLY racist, just a sad bum without any friends and a horrible home life so he's taking it out on other people.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I agree with Michelle. This is harassment and you should not take part in it by becoming a harasser back. I realize a lot of young people in today's society feel they need to "stand up" for themselves and bully the bully, but in the end you actually aren't standing up for yourself but lowering yourself down to their level.

Take your issue to the school so that they have a record of the harassment and have them deal with it. You should also keep a paper record of the harassment. Keep it precise with date and time as well as what was said. Don't respond to his comments.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

You know, you should talk to your parents too. Sometimes a school will not do anything about harassment or bullying. They like to think it's a normal part of growing up. Usually a parent has to set a fire under the school's ass to get them to do anything at all. I told myself if my kids ever had this issue in school I'd sit in the principal's office all day everyday if I had to to get something done. I grew up being bullied and my mom gave up after 10 years of the bullying. I ended up having to drop out to get away from it.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I don't agree with that Abbyka about the schools not doing anything about bullying. If you remember the news where kids have committed suicide because of bullying, then you would probably rethink that. Bullying has become a nasty epidemic with young people and some grown-ups have gotten in on it using facebook and other social networks, therefore it is taken quite seriously these days. I have watched countless episodes of Dr. Phil about bullying, and one way to deter/put a stop to it is to report it to school officials, as where it seems to happen most (at school). So by all means tasmia, go to the right people at your school to put a stop to this and tell your parents and just hope that something is done.

Not sure if Dr. Phil would mind, but here are some links to some Anti-Bullying Pledges for faculty and students that you can present to the right people at your school and again, hope they attempt to rectify the problem.

http://drphil.com/page/faculty/
http://drphil.com/page/students/
http://drphil.com/page/students_gblt/
http://drphil.com/page/faculty_gblt/

And a link to his site for advise on stopping the bullying.
http://drphil.com/articles/article/656/

Good luck!

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I have a nephew just like that, and he is even that way to me, his aunt.I ignore him and stay away from him.He was adopted,but still from our family, don't know if that has anything to do with it ,but my sister cannot control him and has him under doctors care and he has been committed once already.And I see that in his future, or worse if things don't change.He tried to hurt my 35 year old daughter in the car one day and she turned it on him and had him on his knees.She is good at that, and he was cussing my granddaughter out sided calling her bitch and other stuff, and she lifted her leg, she was sitting and crotch kicked him and he hasn't bothered her since.
I hope you will be OK, I would not confront someone like that I would avoid and tell any authority i can about it.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

Creativemind, some schools still have the "zero tolerance policies" which punish the victims more often than not. I contacted my old school recently and the principal responsible for not doing anything(and telling my mother I deserved to be bullied) is still principal of that school. Some schools might be doing more, but it's still a LONG road before they really do anything about bullying. Sometimes a parent does need to threaten a lawsuit to get something done.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I'd rather be thought of as an imigrant than ignorant. You know what you are there for - go for yours, and let him wallow in his own spewage

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I know it sounds harsh, but my opinion on bullying is a bit different. I feel like the only way things can hurt you is if you let them. (at least words...if there is physical violence, that's different)

I feel like we have to teach our kids...(and our own brains) to be able to recognize the reasons WHY we act certain ways. We, as in human beings. If you can take a step back from the situation and say, "this is why he's acting this way" and "this is why I feel the way I do about his comment" then people can understand each other better. If you can train your brain to look at the big picture, rather than to feel isolated and "abused", no amount of "talk" can hurt you.

You have to be the bigger, smarter, person. If you cry and go running to everyone else to solve your problems, you'll never make it! (not saying you are doing that. I'm just talking about "people" in general.) Everyone wants to sue, or complain, or "take action", but no one wants to do the actual mental work involved in making their emotions/though processes/brains healthy and able to recognize real problems vs everyday annoyances. (This means daily troubles...not necessarily "bulling")

You have to be in control of your OWN brain. NO one can "make" you do anything. You can be called the worst names in the world, but if you decide to hurt yourself because of it...that's YOUR fault. (on people who kill themselves because someone called them fat or stupid)

I know that sounds mean. And I don't mean it to be rude. I'm just trying to explain that every person is responsible for their own feelings and actions. You have the ability to CHOOSE how something makes you feel. You don't have to be offended by anything.

It's hard to explain, but it's a mindset that, once adapted, frees you.

Did that make any sense? Not trying to say I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I'm not saying not to ask for help if you need it. I'm not saying bulling is right, or fair. And it's not always best to confront these people. BUT if you don't stand up for yourself, be PROUD of yourself and PROVE that these "words" you're being called are not offensive and can not hurt you...then you'll be nothing more than an easy target.

Bullies pick on those they feel are weaker. Don't be weak. ;) Don't get up and kick his butt...Not saying call him out and embarrass him, but let him know that his attitude doesn't affect you. Be calm, be smart. Be kind...but don't hide and cringe and act like you need someone to "step in" and take over. Don't project yourself as a victim. Don't consider yourself a victim and you won't be.

Please, people with alternate views, don't hate on me for saying this. lol It's just my opinion. Doesn't make it fact. ;)

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

go 2 his house and eat his dog =)

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

There's a lot of racism here so I know how you feel. I think it's best if you just ignore what he says, don't take it to heart. If that's too difficult to do (I know for me it is) then try telling him that you really don't like the way he speaks to you. If that still doesn't help then you should talk to a teacher and tell them what is happening. Hope things get better, good luck.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post


Reply