Grr...

So, my boyfriend and I are arguing. He's all pissy because I earn more than he does because he's a student and is working his way through school, and is currently living in a place where taxes eat up almost all of whatever is left of his paycheck. I busted my ass to become the youngest member of the management team in a company with over 500 offices in Canada. While I think it's sweet that he wants to pay now and then when he comes back to see me (we split the cost of the trip, and he flipped out then, too), I worked damn hard to get where I am, and don't want to accept his money on a regular basis when he can put it toward better things.

He just stomped off a little while ago because I told him that I don't give a damn how much he makes, because he's a) in school, and b) working to pay for it. He think's I need to take off the rose-colored glasses and realize that he doesn't have enough money to impress me.

Really? REALLY? We're not in the god-damn fifties! We are in an era where a household needs -two- incomes to stand on it's own. -TWO-. I could understand if we were currently living together and I paid all the bills every month, then I'd let him pay once in a while. But we don't yet, and probably won't until he's out of school and is working. So why is this an issue, and why they hell is he throwing a tantrum about it?

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7 replies since 27th November 2010 • Last reply 27th November 2010

Either he's trying to push you away to break up with you sweety or you need to back off on the money bit. If he want's to pay don't make a big deal about it and let him pay. If he isn't wealthy then don't make plans that are going to cost an arm and a leg. Most men have something called pride- and most of their pride stems from their ability to take care of those they love. By you trying to pay for your half or by trying to pay for the whole thing you are insulting him. He wants to be able to take you out and treat you. It probably feels to him like you are rubbing in in his face- and it sounds like you are from what you wrote. I sure hope you didn't tell him you "busted your ass off to become the youngest member of a management team in a company with over 500 offices in Canada" because that would seriously hurt any guy's ego and make him feel like you're too good for him. Do yourself a favor and not talk about money until the two of you are getting ready to live with each other.

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thank goodness my parents wont lemme date
(still a teenager =))

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thank goodness my parents wont lemme date
(still a teenager =))

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oh gosh, some guys do still think that way, but it could be that he feels insecure in the relationship

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My boyfriend is also like that. It really gets on my nerves sometimes but I know his intentions are good. He just wants to be a gentleman

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Ladies, it's called BRAIN CHEMICALS.

Men are biologically hardwired to be the "breadwinner," as it were, and most of the time, when a man's partner earns more than him, it makes him feel emasculated. Men's brain chemicals have not changed simply because of the "times" any more than our reproductive organs have. ("I don't have TIME for a period; I don't WANT children; I have a HUGE PROJECT coming up that I can't be distracted during!" Guess what? Period still happens.)

I think the best suggestion here was to not plan things that he can't afford. Also, back off on being the one who "has" to pay for so much or everything. He has precious little money to spend on whatever he wants--you should feel lucky that he wants to spend it on YOU. That is a keeper--he most certainly isn't trying to break up with you. Quite the opposite. Give him what he wants--let him be the man as much as possible.

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Also, it will help if you try to verbally build him up with compliments that make him feel manlier--you can try something like being sooo relieved that he killed that spider for you, or just mention (in passing!) how proud you are of him that he is taking responsibility for himself and putting himself through college like a grown man--I mean, since this seems to be an issue in your relationship.

The key here is making him feel like he is needed, and like he is "your man" and taking care of and responsible for you. It may sound silly, but it's what their brain chemicals are telling them.

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