So, I had this long rant all planned out, but I can't seem to put it into the right words. That could be because It's only 7:35 and I can't seem to get back to sleep, but whatev.
Here's the short end of the situation. I'm 17. I've been home schooled my ENTIRE life. People are lame, of course, and now high school pressures (even though I'm not even INVOLVED in them.)Have left me feeling isolated and socially inept. You know how kids are. If you're not in their clique, you aren't anything. Now I'm just wondering what to make of everything. Don't get me wrong, I am ME because of the way that I have lived, and I'm thankful for that, But I'm just so socially awkward. I'm always wondering if what I'm saying and doing is good enough, and over analyzing EVERYTHING. I feel like I would just be so much more comfortable had I been put in public school. It's just so hard to make friends right now. I'm afraid I've missed out on everything good about my high school years. Everyone tells me how mature I am for my age, and it's because I was raised around adults. I'm afraid that makes people my age uncomfortable. Geez. I don't know. I guess I just feel totally unwanted by everyone right now. Blurg.
Has anyone here been in a similar situation?
Well, this post isn't exactly how I wanted it to sound. I was hoping to sound a little bit more intelligent and put together, but it just turned into a big blob. :-/
Thanks for listening.
I was also home schooled, but only for a year and a half and I started homeschooling BECAUSE of my problem with socialising. People always bullied me or excluded me from everything because I'm quiet. I've never really been able to socialise well and don't get along with people easily because I'm more mature than them. I only have 3 friends but I've known them for years and I'd much rather have a few good friends than 50 aquaintences who I call friends.
I think at that age everyone feels somewhat the way you do now...to some degree or another. Being 17 and feeling inadequate is a part of life, I reckon...doesn't matter if you went to public school, or home school. In public school, you've constantly got people judging you and such, so a lot of time these kids feel the same way as you, if not more. (I'm an old, old...27) But I still remember what it was like to be your age.
I tell you what, I so wish I would have listened to the people 10 years my senior who tried to tell me what I'm about to tell you.
This is high school. You're young. The worries you have right now will seem so silly a few years down the road. Just be yourself. If you're intelligent enough to know that you feel awkward in social situations, and you are self-aware enough to understand WHY you feel that way, then you have the ability to change the way you react to that situation.
Does that make sense? Anyway, when you start to feel awkward, just realize that it's not a big deal. These are just people you're talking to. They're probably just like you and carry their own insecurities. If you make an ass of yourself, it's no big deal! It's not like these people will determine the rest of your life. Be yourself and you'll be loved for that.
And if someone makes fun of you or tries to hurt your for your awkwardness, then they're not the kind of friends you want to make anyways.
You'll be fine. ;) I swear.
Thanks guys. The bullying and the mean kids was one of the main reasons my mother didn't want to see us in school. She actually pulled my brother's out when they were young teens because one of their teachers told them that god was a myth. It's just the feeling of being so different that I guess I love and hate at the same time. Dessah, I really appreciate the advice. I wish I would have found this site a long time ago. You guys are great.
Dessah that is all very sound advice.
Just to let you guys know I'm now 43 and recently met someone I very much admire in a social context and made a complete embarrassment of myself.I was awkward,tongue tied and blushing.
My companions (all 60 plus)at the event,all noticed and we had a good laugh after at my behavior.
You will learn coping mechanisms for social situations as life goes on.
Your parents have done the best they can for you.You'll be fine just go with the flow
I have problem with social interaction as well, I am now 29
but I learned coping techs as I grew up. You learn from your mistakes. I got bullied for a bit but then they gave up, because I just didn't care about it
You are so welcome, Jordan. My husband came from a family of 6 kids and they were all home-schooled. We plan on home schooling our son as well. It seems that home schooled kids, while sometimes awkward, are usually more well-rounded individuals. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and as long as you don't try to "fit in" you'll be a very successful young woman. ;)
Besides, most kids your age (that I know) are rude, disrespectful, scantily clad, and self-absorbed. You don't need to fit in with these types of people.
I was the same, I always got bullied at school because I was (well still am) the fat girl. I was always a quiet girl, but to some extent I thank going to public school because it's taught me how to deal with problem people. I don't always go around thumping people, but I got to the point where I'd had enough so I hit one of my bullies and poured coca cola down the other one (and made his white shirt go tsee-throughy brown - it was amazing and felt good!!!) and they left me alone after that. As well as this, I managed to find some friends (only a handful) that like me for me and with each and everyday I grow a little in confidence.
I don't diss home schooling, I can see why people decide to do it because the pressures of exams and reports and coursework really did take their toll and I can't really say that I learnt how to cope with stress any better.
I think the idea of home schooling puts people off because you do see some examples of parents supposedly home schooling and not doing an adequate job resulting in the kids learning ability falling behind. HOWEVER to take that stereotype across all home schooled people is wrong because those on this board that are home schooled are doing fine in their lives (I'm assuming).
I spent lots of money and hard work on my degree for a peice of paper and where has it left me? Unemployed for 3 months and about £15,000-£20,000 in debt!! Things are not always as black and white as they seem.
Sorry for the long rant. I see both sides of this topic.
Jordan, I think the advice already given here is rightly guided. I wish I would have listened to my gut and not have given into my nervousness so much. I'm 23 and I still have social problems. But, like Dessah mentioned, if you are aware of your social ineptitudes then you have the power to change them. It's hard but, I promise you, it's worth it. Besides, if you ever want to rant I promise the CO+K community will listen. ^_^
Dessah-That is amazing advice that I, too, wish I would have listened to at a younger age. Heck, I still need a reminding every now and then.
Lolly.Bot-I know exactly where you are coming from. I don't regret or wish to change what happened to me growing up. I, too, was bullied a lot. It hurt but it taught me to stand up for myself. I do realize, however, that not everyone can be as strong as you or I. So, for that matter, I say we just do away with bullies. I have been working on getting an Evil Pug army together for a global take down however, I am having problems; 1)keeping them awake and 2)Getting them not to give into food.
Tainted Towey - That's a fair point I can understand that. However don't for one minute (this isn't having a go at you) consider me a strong person. I would come home most of the time and cry about it and get myself really upset. I never just switched one day and became strong. It's something that very very gradually built up till I had enough. I've still had moments where I've come home upset about what now seems like some silly tiff. It can be so easy for someone to knock that confidence in you, particularly if you have low self-esteem in the first place.
All I'm trying to say that home schooling is the best option if the academia isn't all that and you feel you could learn/teach yourself better outside of that environment. The worst thing for social "weaknesses" is to not confront them. However I guess it can be possible to do that being home schooled too...
I was home schooled from grade 7 and up. I hope that your parents went about it in a better way than mine did. My mom just gave me school books and told me to teach myself, so I was on my own the entire time with no help at all. I grew up with having few friends and the ones I did have were adults so I know how it is when you say you're too mature for your age. I find it incredibly hard to hang out around people my own age, their minds seem to be in a totally different place than mine. I have severe anxiety that I'm still struggling with every day. Maybe you could try takig some classes or joining a group , I took alot of art and theater and it really helped out alot with my anxiety and I made some friends long the way. Just be yourself because you're a wonderful smart person and if people don't accept you the way you are then it's their loss!
Nightmarequeen, your story sounds just like mine. My mother wasn't cut out at ALL for homeschooling. It was just something she did on a whim. She was pretty good for my brother's most of the time, but when I hit 11 or 12 she'd pretty much started going through a mid life crisis. She moved an 18 year old immigrant from Canada (that she met online) in, and our house basically turned into a party spot. She hasn't taught me since, but continues, to this day, to lie and say she home schooled me my whole life. Actually, as bad as it is to say, I think I would have gotten a more educational experience out of public schooling. It's a weird feeling to realize you've outgrown your parent at such a young age. I'm not entirely in the right, because as I got older I became responsible to pick up the books, but I got lazy and now I'm in a spot where the best thing I can do for myself is to get a GED. It's funny though, I went to take the tests for my GED, and after not REALLY studying in such a long time, I still had higher scores than most of the kids there. The only thing I can't pass in right now is math. It's funny how much you honestly do learn simply by living. My opinion is the same as most. Home schooling can be a good experience, as long as you go about it in the right way. The parent HAS to be willing to dedicate enough time to their kid's education. They have to be willing to take on two separate jobs. Because you're not just a parent, you're also a teacher, and if you can't do both of those things to the fullest, then homeschooling really ISN'T the best thing for your child.
I was home schooled leading up into going into junior high. It was a huge stress placed on me when I did go to public school because of the social awkwardness and it triggered an eating disorder. I don't believe in home schooling because of this. I feel very strongly about this, and the more I've seen of others who were home schooled the more strongly I believe that it's wrong. It's terribly lonely being home schooled and I don't think you really ever fully out grow the social awkwardness. I'm saying this as an adult woman who is in my mid-twenties now, I still struggle sometimes with being comfortable in social settings.
Jordan, I suggest that you go to college and live in the dorms. It's going to be the best social experience you can have. One thing someone told me when I was planning for college was that if you go out of state for college you really build up strong friendships. You have to build up strong friendships when you are out of state, and those people become a second family. Its good advice and I think it will help you a lot. I know a lot of people who are home schooled don't go to college and if they do they go to a community college vs a credited university and I think that you should be the exception to that rule. Do yourself that favor by putting yourself through university and living away from your family.
Wow, I am sorry to hear that so many people had such bad home schooling experiences. I was homeschooled for six years (Grades 4 through 9) and found it to be a wonderful and enriching experience.
Anyways, I think that as far as feeling awkward or socially inept, well this happens to everyone. Being different is great, and you should be proud of who you are. It really is better to have fewer BETTER friends.
Also, and you may not agree with me on this, but I think that everyone needs to have a few haters in their life. I mean, lots of people out there will shower you with fake praise and give you a fake sense of self worth - a hater? - now they will be jealous and then you KNOW that you are doing awesome. Not that I promote haters or negative behaviour, but we can learn from it.
Don't worry about those other people, be you and do what you want. This is the future and (especially with the advent of the internet) we are free to choose our friends. Choose people who like you for you. Leave the others behind.
Pinkweeds, I've never really heard anyone say that, but it's advice I'm for sure going to consider. (how funny, my plan was to go to a community college...). My fiance and I plan on getting married next year, and we want to move out of state eventually anyways. After serious thought and consideration, I'm really...TRULY... thinking of spending my last school year in a public school environment. I feel like if I don't have the experience now, I'll always wonder what I missed out on. I mean, even if it's crappy like everyone says, I still find out right?
And Lydia H, I will never deny that homeschooling, (or NOT being in a public school, should I say) has made me who I am today. It's just that there are so many experiences I've missed out on. I agree with the hater concept as well. Everyone needs a few. ;)
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