Making friends?

All my life I have had a few friends. But I have never been that good at keeping them. I will have a friend for a few years and then there is this point where either I stop responding or she does. I believe I have some sort of antisocial disorder but I don't know. My brother was diagnosed with aspergers at a very young age but I was never diagnosed. I want to have a better social life but I don't know what to do. ANy suggestions?

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13 replies since 18th August 2010 • Last reply 18th August 2010

maybe try and get involved in your community?
my library hosts alot of events and programs

it'll be worth it if you go because you'll meet many people
develop your social skills
and maybe even pick up a few friends?
Not to mention maybe learn a few things in the course :]


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you know what, you will only have a frew friends, the rest are just people you know.

I only have two best friends, one now lives in Halifax, the other in Switzerland. But I love them so much

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Michelle is right

your true VERY best friends are the ones you can count on your one hand with five fingers
anymore friends is too much and not real
the ones you can trust are less than five : ]

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Try to have a new friend and then when she or he present you 3 more friends exange numbers or messengers and try to meet 4 more diferents friends from them and then you are janguin with a big group of diferents friends.... its works Happy

good luck!

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As much as a HUGE social network appeals to me, I would much rather keep my small group of close knit friends. and continue to meet and make acquaintances along the way. I feel really anti-social at times too but in reality most people have many more 'friends' than they realize. All you can do is try, be willing to put yourself out there, introduce yourself, strike up a conversation. Even just being more thoughtful with the people you already know can help. It's amazing how knowing one or two people can catapult you into knowing dozens of others. My best friend in the whole world and I have periods where we haven't talked for a year, but we always come back and it's just like we saw each other yesterday. Because of that friendship and horse shows I have met so many other amazing people and had SO many opportunities. Just be yourself and try, also hang in there we all feel alone at times but It too shall pass!

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I agree with Peanut

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Me too, and Michelle is right. I have many acquantances but only 2 true friends. People are so consumed in what they are doing (me included) that keeping in contact becomes difficult. I would like to make more friends, take up a hobby. Hopefully when I get a job I will make some friends at work?!

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I had a best friend for 13 years and we grew apart... she had always wanted to have LOTS of friends and I always wanted the less than 5... well, a couple years ago she got her LOTS and I saw that 90 % of them were people she talked bad about in the past, I got to the point were I didn't know which of her faces to talk to and finally stopped talking to her altogether... I miss her (who she use to be), and now I pretty much have no close friends. I'd like to have just ONE real friend at this point, but I am very anti-social and it's hard. I don't drive or work, and most people here think that "friends" are people you get drunk with and then the drama that follows is just not worth having "friends" that will turn on you in a heartbeat. So, I just do my crafts and try my best to do what Peanut said... be more thoughtful with the people you already know, even if they are only casual acquaintances, so far it seems to be helping my social skills, slowly, but surely and if I have to wait until I'm 50 for a true friend I know that it'll be worth it vs. having a fake friend for the next 20 years... if that makes any sense. Okay, I'm done babbling.Happy

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I agree with all of those who say that 'long term' friends tend to be few in number anyway, so don't worry. Through work/life, there might be many people someone gets on with, but one or two close ones.

Of course meeting people and socialising is really good for emotional health so I also agree with those who suggest meeting through shared interest (e.g. crafting clubs, libraries etc'). One thing that I would suggest is have an open mind with regards to gender, age and background; often people don't get talking because they assume the other person won't be interested because they are younger/older or whatever. But once the ice is broken that isn't true! Also, for younger people who aren't into parties and drinking etc', it might be that you have a more mature outlook anyway.

Volunteering is also a great way to meet people and gain skills (also at charities etc' people working there tend to be open-minded and friendly...they volunteer for a start... so are easy to start talking to).

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I too have two good friends. I have one best friend from high school that I still keep up with, and one very good friend who I consider more of a sister. We've been friends for 13 years.

It's hard to make good friends as you get older. One of the best ways of making friends is by sharing experiences and having "history" together. Things you can joke about and laugh at each other. Once you leave school and start working, finding time to make those memories is harder.

My advice is to join a group where similar likes are expressed. Find a person you can share interests and stories with. Don't expect to just hop in and be best buds right away, though. Good friends take time to grow.

Just remember, be the friend you want to have. Call them just to say hello, invite them to lunch, and be concerned for them and their families. Remember their favorite things and birthday, etc. (Just try not to be a creepy stalker) lol

Just be nice and be yourself. People will gravitate to you if they can determine you are a genuine person.

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yes, be yourself

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Michelle is right, if you make friends by acting like someone else they have not "fallen" (as such) for you, but someone you are not and if people cannot like you for you then they are not worth knowing. You shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else just to satisfy other people.

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As well as being yourself, something to bear in mind is not to be defensive/have 'rejection insurance' - that is to say (and I used to be exactly like this so I'll use me as an example):
-I am worried that people might reject me
-I twisted the 'just be yourself' thing subconsciously and only showed almost a stereotype of me (ie put up a barrier by only letting my serious/tough/intellectual side show- I pretended to myself that it was 'me' when really I was scared my softer side would get hurt)
-viewing ANY give-and-take as unreasonable compromise/'them trying to change me'. Not even major things- where we'd have lunch for example...!?!
-As a result, I now feel I scared some people away, or lost opportunities to connect because I 'rejected' them psychologically before they had a chance. Unfortunately at the time I was full of rightious indignation at people not giving me a chance- when really it was me not giving them a chance. I basically took the phrase on your screen-name too far... I was harsh to others but not true to myself, it was my armour.

Anyway, I hope that makes sense?

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