Bf Rant

So, yesterday was our 2nd anniversary & long story short, I ended up spending it aloooooooone.
Well, it was partially, if not mostly, my fault- I asked to have time away from him, a few days at most.
And all of a sudden, he became very cold and stand-offish.
I know, I hurt him.

We haven't had a single argument. Not even one of those playful ones. But that's because it's just in our natures. I don't like confrontations and we both get over things easily. So it never needed to happen.

Until New Years day.
We went over to my friend's party when someone pulled her aside to tell her something. When she came back, she was crying. So I went to talk to her and try to calm her down. The things that came up in the conversation brought up the <i>one</i> thing in my relationship that was worrying me and so I began to cry as well. (sob fest, lol)

Well, when we calmed down, I immediately went to hug my bf. & he pushed me away.
So that made me start crying again and I walked off.
My friend chased me and brought me back but I was still crying and trying not to let him see that.

The thing is... when we first started going out, one random night, he told me he had never gotten over one of his exs. And just recently, he started wearing a necklace I had never seen before. When I asked him, he told me it was part of the couple charm from <i>that</i> ex but he was just wearing it as a lucky charm. So it was really starting to get to me.

And when I thought about it, I HAD met this girl before, just once... While they were going out. And I realized, I'm MUCH more like this girl than I thought. The way I'm changing, I'm becoming more and more like her and that scares me because that's why they broke up- he felt as if he was hurting her too much so the minute another guy came by, he gave her up.

Well, I'm just ranting to get this outta my system.
The worst of this problem's already passed.
(He was being cold because he was really busy. Ex problem still isn't solved :0)

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14 replies since 4th January 2010 • Last reply 4th January 2010

Rawr! Men, right? I hope everything works out!!!! =)

As for meeeeeeeeeeeee. My boyfriend is a butt. Hahaha.

New Years Eve, we had our second Christmas, which he was totally aware of the weekend before and was perfectly fine with! Well, it just so happened that he wanted to go to a party that night, and so when I told him we were doing the Christmas thing with my family first, he totally shut down. He went and laid on the bed with his arms crossed and eyes closed, even when everyone was in there! Seriously, even when we gave him his stuff, he never cracked a smile, or sat up - it really hurt my feelings and made everyone else uncomforatable! And it was sooooo childish, since he was only mad that we weren't at that party!

Then when everyone left, he finally sat up and I was trying to drag it out of him why it was bothering him so much. Well apparently, the past two years of his life have been repetitive, because we only do what IIIII want to do, and never what he wants to do, because I never go to parties with him. He knows I don't like being around all the drinking and smoking and drunk guys hitting on me, so I always tell him to go without me - no big deal. But basically I was told if I didn't start going out with him, that was going to be it. What the hell! So much for respecting how I feel about things. And about doing what I want and not what HE wants - he never wants to do anything!!!! He doesn't like being outdoors, won't try new things - his main interests are partying, smoking and video games..... so me not sharing those interests hardly makes me a stick in the mud! But what do I know?

So I end up going to this party and I did have a pretty good time, so I guess I will start going with him. Thankfully it was a small one, because he got toasted (on only like 2 beers!!) and was stumbling, slurring and being really goofy!! I pointed out to him later that, if we had been at a big party with lots of drunken guys or something, how the heck could he look out for me when he's toasted himself? RAWR RAWR!!

But I did have fun in the end - it just really hurt my feelings that he's I guess been miserable with me the past two years because I don't party. >.< That, and I guess I don't fulfill his 'booty' requirements - meaning, apparently he feels bad if he doesn't get it every weekend. Eesh! I know he loves me, but he used to not be so, well, selfish!! Or maybe I'm being selfish, but lately, it seems like his love is coming with ultimatums, and that's not love at all.

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No, it really isn't! That sounds a LOT like my ex husband. 2 1/2 years of marriage, plus 1 year of engagement...and the longer we were together, the less my feelings, needs, and wants mattered. Plus he got abusive. The world, apparently, revolves around him. I say, break up with that douche...he'll only get worse. You, my dear, are an incredible, sweet, intelligent, beautiful woman. And you deserve a GREAT guy, I'm talking marry you, share tons of interests with you, and all that. My fiance pretty much says the party he wants to be at is wherever I am, even if it's just hanging out at home watching tv. Every girl deserves that. Accept NOTHING less.

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No, it really isn't! That sounds a LOT like my ex husband. 2 1/2 years of marriage, plus 1 year of engagement...and the longer we were together, the less my feelings, needs, and wants mattered. Plus he got abusive. The world, apparently, revolves around him. I say, break up with that douche...he'll only get worse. You, my dear, are an incredible, sweet, intelligent, beautiful woman. And you deserve a GREAT guy, I'm talking marry you, share tons of interests with you, and all that. My fiance pretty much says the party he wants to be at is wherever I am, even if it's just hanging out at home watching tv. Every girl deserves that. Accept NOTHING less.

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sometimes when they got ex issues, its best to leave them. They are not thinking of your feelings, he thinks you as a subsitute, or worst a rebound. I dated a guy like that and after a few months was like hell no

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It's just odd I guess. We've been together nearly 3 years now, and it didn't used to be like this! I have no doubt that i will never have to worry about him being abusive, but he's just so moody, and nobody wants to hang out with a grump all the time. Still, I'm planning to probably move out of the state in the Spring to go to massage school, so that will probably fix things one way or another. haha. Tongue

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do you want him to come with you?

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Oh, well no, not really. That's kind of what I meant. Tongue That is the reason I haven't gone yet, though. I don't want to leave him behind, and I'm scared my anxiety attacks will go into high gear, but I'm sure I'd be okay. I have family up there that's offered to let me stay with them. The entire course is only 6 months anyway, so it would be like an extended vacation! =)

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sounds like a grand time!

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ahhhhh yeah.
i was thinking that if this keeps up for very long, im going to just have to leave him.

but when he did mention that he wasn't over his ex, he DID mention that it was more along the lines that he wanted things to be resolved.
but then he also didnt mention if he still had feelings for her or not.

well, im going to see him tomorrow for the first time since new yrs so I'll see how everything goes.

@gypsie moon: good luck!
it's possible that he just started acting like this because he's finally "settled in and comfortable" so he's being more like himself? idk

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you know that sounds about right

my ex got comfortable and I had to leave him, I just wanted him to step up and be a man, rather then me always making choises for the two of us.

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It's so annoying, isn't it? Cause ideally, that's the best part of the relationship, when you get comfortable. I don't really like the beginning, I just get so panicky and paranoid. I like it when you can settle and just be two normal people. One of my favourite things is just being with my boyfriend but not doing stuff together - like when Andy comes over and he plays XBox and I do work, or when he does work and I read. It's great because you're not trying to impress each other any more. However, sometimes it can backfire and being comfortable turns into being lazy. I don't expect a guy to try and impress me all the time, but there's stuff I think is necessary in a relationship. For me, regular sex is a big thing. I know it's shallow, but I hate when you start off a relationship having sex all the time, then after a month it just dwindles off, like you don't find each other attractive any more, you just have to because you can't have anyone else. Luckily (barring the last three weeks where I haven't seen him) me and Andy do not have that problem yet =P

Anyway, relationships are normally a lot more panic than they're worth. If he's not over his ex, after two years with you, you can't expect him to suddenly be over her. The fact that he's just started wearing the necklace again probably means he's started thinking about her again.

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I think kitten is right about that

and also just because you in a relationship and comfortable around each other, you shouldn't get lazy in the relationship, communication is key

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^ Agree.
There's comfortable and there's taking for granted. And you should never be with someone you take for granted or vice versa.

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nodds. You need a person who likes you for who you are

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