depression

I have a bit of a positive update. The two friends I thought I lost during my meltdown yesterday just contacted me. They're still hanging in there with me for reasons I don't understand. It's hard to believe that other people want to stick around you when you can't stand being around yourself. I'm truly blessed.

That's wonderful Kiddo! =D

that is, and Heather don't change. Even with all this super skinny crap going on, you are just so lovely.

hey there thought I'd join the discussion.
I have Major Depression with psychotic features (i.e psychotic depression) and I've been dealing with it for 8 years (I'm 19). I've tried natural remedies and been on a few different medications. There are some things going on medication just can't fix and i think I need therapy. I've been trying for ages to find a therapist but my insurance is the main problem.
I don't know what to do anymore it's making me feel even more hopeless that things will get better

I get the edges of psychotic symptoms with my depression and it can be horrible and so scary. Mine is probably caused by sleep deprivation as this seems to make these worse. I actually believed when my psychiatrist wanted to change my meds that it was to 'test me' to see if I'd really kill myself. It all started to escalate and I thought I'd been 'blacklisted' and that nobody at my local community mental health team was allowed to talk to me. I couldn't phone anyone because I believed that they would look me up on the computer and see that I was bad and just try and get me off the phone. Thankfully things did eventually get sorted out. I've also had some horrendous images in my head of all these obscure ways to harm myself and they get so strong that they feel like premonitions and I feel like they are inevitable and out of my control.
Lakesha are you in the US? If so do you have anything like the hearing voices network. We have a hearing voices group where I work (I work in mental health too and have done for years) and its entirely run by clients and they say that the support they receive from each other is invaluable. They also don't just support each other with voices but with any of the psychotic symptoms that they experience.

I'm absolutely fucking devastated. the one person i was comfortable talking to about anything was extremely dismissive after i shared some feelings that i'd never expressed out loud before. i really thought i'd made progress by telling someone something that has been hurting me for so long. now i'm doubting the importance of my feelings. it's difficult for me to trust anyone b/c my family has always made me feel bad for expressing my feelings. i don't think i'll ever be able to again. i feel like i'm crazy for feeling the way i do. it's not important to anyone but me anyway so I should just be a big girl and get over it right? I can feel myself shutting down. this hurts so bad.

yes I'm in the US,and I'll check that out

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way,I know how it feels too so you're definately not alone

Welcome Lakesha.

Wow Kiddo I'm sorry to hear about your friend doing that to you. You have made progress...wanting to share your feelings instead of bottling them up is progress. You're doing good....you just didn't find the right person to share those feelings with. I'm sure you'll be able to express them again. It'll just take a bit of time to gain that trust again to do so. And you're wrong...it's important to all of us here. We're here for you.

I seriously don't know what to think now. I was just told that my problems aren't special, life is hard, and I'm going to have to get better on my own. It really makes me not care about anything especially getting help from strangers. It just reinforces the way I was brought up. Keep your emotions to yourself, nobody really cares about anyone but themselves, get over it already. But I care about other people so why don't they care about me?

I understand how you feel. I feel the exact same way. I care about everybody and everything...but most people are so cold and uncaring. It's an odd feeling. Sometimes you just have to look past how you were raised. Try to push past it and be who you want to be and be who you are. I had to do that with my family. My parents aren't love showing. They never hugged me, kissed me, and until I moved 12 hours away they never told me they loved me. But here I am...I'm a very affectionate person. If I was like how I was raised I'd be cold.

I've calmed down quite a bit. I'm in a state of shock right now, but for some reason I'm certain that I'm going to be alright.

After what I went through yesterday, I felt so alone and didn't have anyone to talk to about how hurt I was, so I started searching the internet for things that might help me feel better. I ran across an article that made me understand that I'm not alone out there. I wrote a short blog entry and posted the article, here's a link to it. Maybe it can help someone else as well: <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/misunderstanding-one-another.html">Misunderstanding One Another</a>

After what I went through yesterday, I felt so alone and didn't have anyone to talk to about how hurt I was, so I started searching the internet for things that might help me feel better. I ran across an article that made me understand that I'm not alone out there. I wrote a short blog entry and posted the article, here's a link to it. Maybe it can help someone else as well: <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/misunderstanding-one-another.html">Misunderstanding One Another</a>

kiddo- life is hard yes, but you shouldn't have to go thru it alone and feeling like you are the only person dealing with all this crap! If your friends are truely your friend then they will stick by you and support you the best they can. The best thing you can be is honest with them and hopefully if they are a true friend they will give you a great big hug and tell you "i'm here for you, whatever you need" You know you have all of us here that are willing to stand by you and support you as much as we can! Internet hug aren't as good but if you put your arms around yourself and squeeze sometimes it helps! ((((((((HUGS))))))))) I'm going to go read your article now! We're here for you kiddo- don't forget that!

we are, when you are feeling alone, sad or like no one cares. We are here