depression

Heather I had a similar experience with meds. When I was on Prozac it didn't even hit the sides, even when I was on the highest dose. And the Mertazapine just freaked me out as it was too strong. It also really scared me that the tablets where so small. I got really anxious about ODing on them if I had a bad night. The Venlafaxine seems a good mid way one and suits me but unfortunately it only really takes the edges of the depression but still thats way better than nothing.
Also don't give yourself a hard time about forgetting, I have days where I have good intentions and then get to the end of the day and remember. I think depression does odd things to your memory. I'm trying to get myself into a routine of eating regularly and not just crap when I realise I've forgotten. I've found that when that happens I get into a really bad cycle. When I get low blood sugar I get anxious and low but my appetite isn't always great so if I forget I eat rubbish like chocolate or cakes or lattes and then I get into this really negative thought pattern where I beat myself up because I have eaten 'bad' food and I'm therefore a bad person and it all just spirals. this last couple of days I've just been trying to focus on a day at a time. Its tough though. And Heather you're not complaining x You're just doing your best to juggle everything which is hard.

thanks michelle and kitkat, i remembered today, it did make me sleepy but now i feel pretty normal, i am going to take baby steps into getting myself back into my old routine, re-read some books about nutrition that really motivated me last year, and slowly increase my morning work out. also have to remember to drink more. i guess i just had a couple of down days this week. thanks for being there for me guys!

oh and kitkat i used to be very bad about that downward spiral thought pattern. it was very bad, just ugggh i used to be terrible to myself all the time. but i went to therapy last year and now i know how to stop those thoughts from getting worse and doing the down spiral effect. i didn't go for long, she actually told me she didn't think i needed to go anymore because i was doing so well. and i am so much better now then i used to be. i can't believe i waited so long to seek help other than meds because it helped me SO MUCH!

you know what I do, I put my ipod on, and I dance for a half hour every morning and night. I put the headphones on and pratice hip hop, ballroom and bellydance. But you can just jump around and have a great time. I find dancing makes me feel better or happier.

I read the dammapada when I am down. The happyness section

I just learned yesterday in group that possibly the symptom I experience the worst, which is also very hard to control, is negative thinking. I've written a blog post about types of negative thinking and the steps one must take to change and control these thoughts. If you'd like you can read about it <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/negative-thinking.html">HERE</a>.

Music helps me a lot with my depression and anxiety. Singing at the top of my lungs while in the shower is one of my favorite therapeutic activities. I'm sure my neighbor doesn't appreciate it. Our walls are extremely thin. But I kinda enjoy pissing her off because not only is she a gossip, she's rude. The first time I met her she told me about the "bipolar girl" living across the street and how horrible she was. I said, "Well you've got one living next door to you now!" I thought it was funny, but she didn't seem to find it very humorous.

oh gosh, its hard. The negativity, sometimes the people around you or the place you live is the cause of it. When I was living with my ex I was just so depressed and fustrated, all the time. I was sad, lonely, agry. People though we were happy and at the beginning of the relationship we were, but something happened with him and he just lost his spark and his confidence. And that took a hugh toll on me. I was so used to strong people in my relationships, that his lack of cofendence made me misjudge myself.

and kiddo, people find it so odd when I just come out with it. I have depression, it runs in my family. My mom is bi polar, my sister has rage issues. I think she is also depressed, but I am the only one who sought treatment

It's funny how some people can bring us down and physically drain us, especially when we're depressed and vulnerable. I was so exhausted after coming home from group yesterday that I came home and slept 6 hours straight! I had gotten a good nights rest and had even taken my Adderall, a stimulant, that morning. I sat next to this guy in group who hadn't been there the first day I was there. He was loud, kept fidgeting in his seat, made inappropriate remarks, and was generally disrespectful. I did my best to tolerate him, but I was completely worn out by the time the four hours was over. The same thing has happened to me when I worked around kids with severe ADHD, and we'd just be sitting across a table from each other in a meeting!

I've not been able to craft or draw in over a week, but I have been able to write and play around with a graphic design program on the computer. I'm not very good at it, but I am learning a lot. I also reformatted my new blog to add links on the sidebar to other pages within the blog. I had no idea you could add up to 10 extra pages on blogger! It doesn't take much to excite me these days Here is the clicky button I just made, I'm also becoming rather adept with html code, that links to my new blog. I was bored and thought I'd share.

<a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m193/sgregg78/th_thejourneybutton.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>

<form><textarea rows=”6″ cols=”19″ readonly=”readonly”><div align="center"><a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m193/sgregg78/th_thejourneybutton.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>
</div></textarea></form>

its simple and to the point, I like it. I craft to calm myself. I am feeling better now, there are still days that are hard. Kiddo I think of you every day

Awww, thank you Michelle, that means a lot especially right now. My negative thoughts are taking over. E-mails I've sent have gone unanswered. I haven't received a single phone call all day. One of my "friends" snapped at me the other night while I was having a near nervous break and after I told him that wasn't cool, he has been avoiding me ever since. He's the only person I talk to on Skype and apparently Skype has updated itself to where when a contact logs on or off a pop up window shows up in the upper right hand corner of my screen. So he's logged in and out at least three times today and the messages I left for him were ignored (he was online when I left them btw). I sent e-mails to both his work and home addresses b/c I thought maybe I was overreacting to something again and he was actually at work. But if he's on Skype, then he's not b/c he's in the Navy and that site is restricted to them at work. And wait, it's Saturday, so he wouldn't be at work! I politely asked that if he is avoiding/ignoring me to just tell me so and it would make things a lot easier than this uncertainty of what's going on right now. It's just an extremely rude thing for him to do. I just feel like no one cares, but I'm basing that on the actions of a couple of people, so I don't need to think that way. This is just extremely hard to handle.

that is rude, he should at lease tell you what is going on.

don't let it bother you too much, it will all work out in the end

Hi Arty KitKat

I've taken Prozac & Venlafaxine in the past. Both had side effects that I found difficult to deal with. Venlafaxine was the worst. Me and my friend were taking it at the same time and realised that we were unconciously clenching our jaws. It caused me to break several of my teeth. It's really weird because you don't know you are doing it and it's scarey.

The Prozac did have one good side effect. I lost my social constraints so all the people that bugged me got told. Maybe it made me a little too graffic with the language as I don't normally swear. It didn't help my panic attacks though.

I'm now off all my meds (4 months) and it's tough but I've realised I will have bad and good days. I take valerian root herbal meds to help me sleep. It doesn't interact with anything that may still be lurking in my system (it can take 6-9 months for meds to fully go) and I find it really helps to get me to sleep. Now staying asleep is what I'm still working on.

Coming off meds is difficult but now I feel less stiffled, more creative and more expressive. I changed the way I thought about myself through councelling, writing poetry and talking to people who understand. Believing in who I am & what I stand for helped me. I developed stages of coping and dealing with feelings. I've listed my thoughts. Hope they help (easier said than done though)

'What I don't want & won't accept' (telling others how I really felt)
'What I do want' (believing that I was worthy to ask for & receive good things)
Learning to say 'No' without apologising (feeling that I didn't always have to make excuses)

I've noticed that most depressives are very caring people who put themselves last. Put yourself first sometimes and love who you are. That way you can truely love others around you.

Peace & blessings

Heather

Try altering the time you take your meds if they make you sleepy during the day. It worked for me. I used to take mine about tea time x

That was a really brave move coming of your meds Sheila. Well done. I'm hoping when things level out for long enough I can cut down. I really want to have a baby at I'm 35 so I've decided this year that I can't wait till I come off them/reduce them and thats made me feel a bit better. Its kind of taken the pressure of time out of getting well. I've been stablish for a few months but still get really shit spells and I have found since stopping the pill that I get really crappy pmt It's such a balancing act and you never know whats doing what fully till you stop them.

Hi Arty KitKat
Thanks. I did a lot of research before I came off them to find out how long it would take to get out of my system and what sort of effect it would have me physically. I had 3 months where I combined reducing med strength then taking them alternate days before stopping completely. I let all my friends know and asked them to let me know if I behaved extreme in any way. You need others to be honest and tell you so you can compare it to how you are feeling. It won't be easy and you will have tough days were you want to hide under your duvet. The first 3-4 months are the worst. I was on meds for 10 years so I'm sure you will make it. PM me if you like.

Good luck chuck x

Sheila, did you do DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)? What you said about the things you've learned sounds a lot like what I'm learning in DBT right now. It has helped me a lot. I haven't been stable in quite sometime, so I really need my meds right now, but kudos to you for being able to do things the natural route!

Hi Kiddo
Thanks I'm a qualified nurse and used to own & run a mental health nursing home so therapy was something I had around me all the time. There are so many kinds of treatment. I just developed one from the ones I'd come across that suited me. Meds are useful and you will know when you feel you can cope withhout them. Best to stay on them till you have balance in your life. They are a good safety net. I came off mine because the side effects where worse than the depression.