Stupid Chuckee!

Warning: Let me be honest - most of you will probably cringe at reading this. I'm really quite scandalous

I.Need.Serious.Help.
Hot-guy Addiction. Not good...

I had a guy... he slacked off.
I met a new guy. We hung out.
Now slacky guy is being nice again.
And I'm not up to choosing... I want both.

Seriously, though... do men seem to have a 6th sense that tells them
when a girl is seriously considering her next conquest?
This kind of thing happens to me often.
Usually, I don't care, because I'm honestly not all that emotional/romantic/sappy/invested/whatever.
I move on to Mr. Next from Mr. Previous in a blink and don't look back. Occasionally, I don't wanna let go, for whatever reason (usually sex), so I try to work it so I can have both without lying. But dammit if they both insinuate that they don't wanna share this time! >.<
Now what?! I'm a terrible liar and just as bad at making decisions!

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12 replies since 2nd March 2011 • Last reply 2nd March 2011

lmao! I am so glad you honest with the situation! Having a sence of humor is also a bonus! lol

The obvious answer would be to choose one, it might be hard. But if your not really terribly emotionaly invested in either, that should atleast make it a little easier, on would hope. And yes I do think guys have some craazy sixth sence that sends an alarm off in their brains when a girl is about to be done with them. I've seen it tonz of times. I think they subconciously dont want to lose to another male.

I dont really have any advice, just wanted to let you know that your post gave me a refreshing laugh. Thanks <3

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=D
I'm glad to have

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It's hard for me to relate since I have never been emotionally detached to the people I've dated. I have always been realistic when it comes to dating, and didn't fool myself. I also am very firm in my own self-respect and for that reason alone, I try to always be respectful of those I date. I admit it doesn't always happen and I've had a few shameful moments in my life. It seems to me that these two guys are demanding your respect and since you aren't emotionally invested in them, it would be correct for you to let them both go.

The reason being, that you aren’t looking for a serious relationship and are looking to have fun. I can respect that as I firmly believe that dating around and having fun before settling down with anyone is important for overall growth. But these two people that you are seeing are looking for a serious relationship and it would be unfair to them if you continued a relationship further with either of them.

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=D
I'm glad to have amused you! It's always a good thing to laugh.
I'm also glad that you feel that sixth sense, too. Means I'm not being paranoid....

I would like to point out that I did warn Mr.Slacker not to leave me alone too long... I have a short attention span...
Also, I'm greedy as sin and want 'em all!

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@Pinkweeds: Hmmm... While I understand your point, and completely agree about respecting people, I do feel the need to defend myself.
It isn't so much that I am completely emotionally detached from the people I've dated. I've just always been light about my dating habits, because one never knew when and where I'd be going next. Change has always been a part of my life, so I've never even bothered trying to pretend like any relationship that I've had was going to be forever. I can honestly say that I still care for nearly every ex (there's always that one guy who you'd rather just died), and there's been quite a few... It's just that there was no way I was sticking around for any of them.
Also, the way I see it, I've always been up-front and honest about myself with guys - I don't keep secrets, really, at all. Every single time I've been given that potential-girlfriend interrogation, I've let him know that he'd be better off running away and never looking back, I'm unstable: I'm not going to last forever, I'm not good at waiting, I get distracted, I'm good at goodbyes and yes, I will probably cheat.
Bottom line, they've all been so sure that they could deal with me, hell only knows why. And I've never been surprised when they couldn't. But they've all remained friends, some better than others, and up until I left, we enjoyed each others' company.
Usually, though, I just avoid the issue entirely by not dealing with relationships at all.
This particular situation is simply a recently recurring thing. As I get older, so do the guys I date, and they're getting to that point where they're rethinking everything... I know exactly what I want, but to find a guy that age who knows that he wants the same thing is getting ridiculously hard!

Ugh, I started out making sense, then my mind started getting all staticky.

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Just tell people you want an open relationship. It's not a huge "sin" or whatever they call it these days to be a swinger... if there's some kind of satisfaction you can't get from one person, tell them (which I'm sure you already do, based on your posts).

If someone's going to try to limit you and have you all to themselves when that's what you want... you shouldn't bother being in a relationship with them anyway.

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I understand what you're getting at Chuckee. I was a little short earlier today with a few people and I reflected on that later so if I came across that way with you I didn't mean to.

I don't think you need to defend yourself about it. and I totally get what you mean about guys thinking they can tame you. Girls are the same way in the fact that we like to fix "broken" boys. And having made the choice when I was 14 to stay a virgin until I met the right guy I did deal with a lot of guys who thought they could "break" me. They were pretty wrong. You have a strong sense of self and that's important. But I still believe that if the guys you are interested in dating are telling you they want a relationship and that's not what you want then you need to be honest with them about it and probably not date them.

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@Monika (I love your name, btw): Telling everybody everything straight up and right away is always the best policy. I'm gonna be judged one way or the other, might as well have them figure out what they think of me as soon as possible, because I really don't wanna hang out with anyone who's gonna try to bring me down, change me or break me. Just not gonna happen, why waste time?

Fact is, though, I haven't talked to either of them about it yet. I will get around to it...
Problem being: I'm kinda at a place where I crave having someone around for more than just sex. I've been doing things this way for a -very- long time and I'm kinda not feeling it at the moment.
I know that it's partially the fact that I haven't been living around here for very long, so I don't have any really good friends who'd drop anything for me. And also, Spring is just around the corner... Blooming flowers are enough to make anyone feel a little romantic.
But I'm not actually romantic in any way. My brain runs my show, and does a pretty good job of it. My logic might be slightly skewed, but it rarely lets me down. Other people don't love it, but it rarely causes permanent damage.
It's just a matter of waiting for the Dynamic Duo to chew this problem to shreds and spit me out a pearl.

BTW: I appreciate your blunt sentiments. Makes me happy when other ladies take my side: doesn't happen often.

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@Pinkweeds: Don't worry. You didn't come across like that. Like I said, I totally get what you meant. It makes a perfect sort of sense; just doesn't happen to work in the sort of life that I've had.
Basically, though, what I have failed to communicate is that neither man is telling me he wants a relationship, and my problem is that, as I said to Monika, I'm not currently in the mood to be their personal booty call. I feel like if all that they want from me is sex, I shouldn't be obligated to hold out on other guys. I'm sorry, but talking to someone 5 times a month and seeing them 3 times is not motivation enough to not indulge myself in other pretty boys. That's where my main issue lies. If I were any other woman in the world, there would be more of an effort made, but I feel like, since I am flexible, they don't worry too much about it. And really, I'm usually fine with not getting showered with attention, I smother easily. But the whole double standard of them being able to do whatever they want and not me... That pisses me off to no end.

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P.S.1: I refuse to try to fix broken men. I'm always trying to toughen up weak women, so I just don't have the time. ;P

P.S.2: I respect you to death for not breaking that conviction! Especially that young!!

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Oh Chuckee Happy

I wish I was like you sometimes. Unuckily I'm more like the plain-clothes girl nextdoor than the maneater that can have any man she wants. I so wish I had half the confidence you show.

My personal opinion in the matter is: as long as nobody else is involved (wife, family, kids) and you're both having fun, it's ok to behave any way that you feel is right. If you want them both, keep them both. The only thing I would do in your situation is telling them you're seeing somebody else - or just stating clearly that it's an open relationship and that they're not the only ones you're seeing. If you don't feel like being their booty call, then drop them - it sounds to me like you'll find another one quickly enough, so why bother? ;)

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@Mary: you made me smile.
But, I feel the need to point out that I am -very- "plain-clothes" as in, quite literally, lumberjack plaid and worked-in jeans, tennis shoes and a ponytail and i put on makeup maybe 3 times a month.
I'm a huge tomboy, but I learned early that I could have my cake and eat it, too. So I ate like the fat kid in Wonkaland! =D
Frankly, it has very little to do with confidence in my case. It really comes down to just not caring. When you know you'll be gone soon enough, you can move about without the weight of tomorrow, because why care what people say about you when you're long out of their lives? And it just kinda snowballs from there.

As far as your advice goes, yeah, I will tell them if I decide I wanna keep em both, but honestly, they're both on rocky shores right now.
So far as booty calls are concerned: I have no qualms with being one, I just don't want to be someone's personal booty-call. Men are easy and they're everywhere and I can always find a better one, so boys better get with the program.

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