teenagaer gone of to uni :( and i'm not coping

i'm not sure i've put this in the right please and i've never posted anything on here before but right now i'm not having the best of times and i just need to talk or something


where to start
i'm a single mum who has just taken her 18 year old daughter off to uni 300 miles from home (we've never been apart from each other more than 7 days since she was born ) and i'm not coping her not being around (this is made worse by the fact i have ME/CFS that makes me depresssed and i'm not able to get out or work so stuck in the same 4 walls 24/7 , for the last 2 years she been going to school , working part time and caring for me ) but now i 've got no one around , i worry that i may fall or be unwell and there is no one on hand to help (this has happend before) right now i just want to see her talk to her and be where she is .
we spent years- months going over what we both wanted and i don't want to hold her back in anyway but this is not the life i thought i'd be having .
my moods are up and down and today i've not stopped having panic attacks and crying
i just don't know what to do . how can you miss someone so very very much

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7 replies since 21st September 2011 • Last reply 21st September 2011

Hi Tracy,

First off you are not alone, you can come to talk to us on cut out and keep whenever you need to.

I don't really know what to suggest except it sounds like you need support, is it possible to have a careworker/friend/someone from a support group pop in or ring once a day to check you're ok? How about your neighbours are you friendly with them? Perhaps they could just knock on your door and make sure you're ok when they go in and out of the house? That would maybe stop you worrying that you're gonna fall and will have no help. It might not be a long-term solution but might work temporarily.

As for your daughter, you are bound to miss her so much when you've been the only people there for each other for 18 years. Arrange to speak to her at least once a day (if you don't already) and send e-mails. There will always be a period of adjustment, but your moods will settle down and you'll find ways of coping without her. Its very hard when someone you love is so far away and you can't get to them easily. She still loves you she just needs her independance to work out who she is and what she wants from life.

I hope this helps, even just a little bit. x

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I suggest you and your daughter set up skype accounts so you can talk to each other face to face. It will make it easier if you can actually see her and know how she's doing.

But I really hope you don't try to persuade her or guilt her into coming back. She's far too young to have her life so completely hindered and held back and she still has a lot of growing to do and the type of growing that is often best done on one's own.

You might consider seeing if you can have a nurse check in on you daily just to make sure you are getting around ok. It will give you and your daughter extra security and peace of mind and will provide for you someone to talk to for a little bit each day.

It's really easy to sink in to self-pity when one suffers from depression and I am sure with ME/CFS it can be worse. Try to stay positive if you can by thinking about how much the seperation will benefit your daughter. Maybe thinking about her happiness will help you to be happy.

Also if you're having such a difficult time adjusting I suggest you see your doctor about it. I don't know if you're seeing a therapist to help you deal with the ME/CFS or not, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to consider seeing one to help you cope with everything.

Best of luck to you.

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Have you considered getting one of those emergency alert buttons to wear around your neck, just in case you fall and need emergency help?
It sounds as though you have a very strong, independent daughter. You must be a great mother!
You absolutely need help.You would be surprised at the number of support groups out there. I also think that Skype is a brilliant way for you to get face time with your daughter. I know it seems impossible to get these things going when you're depressed and fatigued. Just keep telling yourself, "It's just one phone call...I can make one phone call." One call to your doctor can get you in touch with people who can help.

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Tracy, you've done the hard part and let your daughter go. As you both spent alot of time discussing this next exciting stage in her life you must have considered the possible down sides. This is just a period of adjustment.
But please listen to everyone above and find yourself some local support.
Remember, you are not alone.

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Contact www.mind.org.

Fantastic organization with lots of practical ideas and support.Plus crisis line if you need it.Share this thread with your health care professionals.
Remember we're always here-even if every day brings a new challenge.

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thank you ladies for all the good advice and support .

i'm taking each day as it comes and trying to do little things i enjoy to take my mind off things and keep myself busy .

i'm going back to my health team and getting them to sort out my meds and local support which they have been putting off doing (i'm not leaving till they do it )

my daughter has been in touch a little more which has helped (and her friends have been checking on me which is nice of them and has put my daughters mind at rest of me being unwell and not copying ) we've both been speaking are minds and not dancing around things as not to upset each other . she's doing so well and loving her course (which is good )couldn't be more proud of her .


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We're proud of you for taking charge and insisting your health team get things sorted out and working for you. And for putting yourself first by doing things to make you happy!

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