fiance thinks i'm cheating :(

My fiance who i've been with for 6 years thinks i've been cheating on him with his step dad! Happy
His step dad rang me the other night and asked if me and my daughter wanted to go shopping the day after, but he also said that my MIL didn't know he was ringing me and he was upstairs while she was down stairs.
Knowing his stap dad has had an affair in the past with a young girl made me think this was weird.
I didn't tell my partner as i thought i might be reading too much in to it and didn't wanna cause trouble. And then for some reason i deleted the call from my logs on my phone (in hindsight that looks weird but thought if he found it and asked i'd have to tell him what happened and i wasn't even sure if he'd meant it that way anyway)
Last night his step dad gave him a lift home from work and his step dad mentioned the shopping idea to him and my partner came home and checked my phone (saying he was sending a text).
I could tell what he was doing and he asked me about the shopping trip. I told him what happened and that i thought it was a bit weird. I went to bed and my partner came up and i asked him what was wrong (knowing what he was going to say)and he asked me if anything was going on with his step dad. I told him there wasn't but i don't think he believed me (as i have cheated on him in the past before we were engaged or had our daughter). He said he wouldn't have thought anything of it if he hadn't had his suspicions in the first place (his step dad came round to fix the shower last week and the broken tap another day)
I don't know if he believes me but i would not do anything like that now as i know how much i hurt him before and also there's our daughter to think about in all this now too. But i don't know how i can prove this to him.

He had to get up really early for work this morning so i don't know what he's thinking today or planning on doing...i wouldn't want him to throw our relationship away for something that's not even happened.
:'(

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4 replies since 21st December 2010 • Last reply 21st December 2010

Well, I'd say you put your foot in your mouth by not telling your fiancé. If there is an issue where one partner has stepped out on the other and the couple has somehow come back together then there needs to be an open honesty policy in order for the relationship to work. Telling your fiancé anything that makes you uncomfortable or that may make him uncomfortable right away is the only way you're going to keep him from feeling like he's being cheated on. And your behavior was very suspicious.
You added to it by walking away from the issue and going to bed rather than staying and talking. I know it’s that awkward conversation no one wants to have but if your fiancé is important to you then you need to have it out with as soon as possible.
I think if stepdad was really trying to have an affair with you he wouldn’t have said anything to your fiancé about the shopping trip. He’d be as quiet as you were which means you were probably the only one aside from your fiancé to jump to that conclusion. It’s more likely he just wanted help picking out a gift and thought you’d be good to ask.
As for making it better, the only way you can is by being honest with your fiancé from now on when ever anything like this happens. When he gets home tonight ask him if he wants to talk about it and be willing to listen to what he has to say. Let him know how much he means to you and that you realize you had made a mistake in handling the situation and would like to know how you should handle those uncomfortable situations in the future so that the two of you can have a trusting relationship.
Then you two can decide together how to handle step dad. Maybe your fiancé can go with you on the shopping trip (that way step dad knows that fiancés place is with you and vice versa). Or maybe you can tell him you’ve finished with all your Christmas shopping and are busy that day. Whatever you do it should be something that both you and your fiancé are comfortable with.

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yeah, you need to be honest

I agree with pink weeds

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Overly paranoid. His step dad might just want to go shopping with you so you can help him find a gift for his wife. He might be trying to make up for the wrongs he's done. But if he is looking for something more from you then obviously you're not interested. I'd tell your husband he can trust you fully because you're not interested in him and if things become uncomfortable during the trip then you'll come home.

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Definitely agree with PinkWeeds

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