Suicidal Friend

I have this friend (Who was never really my friend in the first place for one of my older friends made me friend him because she was dating him) whom dates pretty much every girl on the planet (He doesn't remember all of their names) and they all break up with him because he texts them probably every five seconds saying "I love you" and stuff. (He also believe that the only way to cure heartbreak is by a new person) I never dated him and never will because he can be so downright obnoxious, but sometimes he just texts me to talk because "All of his other friends dumped him." He can be really oversensitive, for example, he got extremely upset when he didn't recieve every single text back from every single person he said "Merry Christmas" to.

This has happened about three times, but he randomly texts me about how he is going to kill himself. I used to take it really seriously but now it seems like he is fishing for compliments as always. I've spent 2-3 hours trying to keep him from doing it but now I just can't stand it anymore. He uses the "If you don't tell me why you're even my friend I'm going to kill myself" down to when ever I say "Nevermind" he says "FUCKING TELL ME NOW OR ILL KILL MYSELF". I feel like if I call suicide hotline and he is faking it, I will get in alot of trouble and possibly put him in alot of trouble. It is putting a HUGE burden on me because if he does kill himself, I will feel so responsible for not caring more but these texts in the middle of the night are stressing me out and they ruin my day.

Anyone have a similar story and how they dealt with it?

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post
19 replies since 1st January 2011 • Last reply 1st January 2011

ok, well, if you really feel he is faking it and if he is calling you in the middle of the night, just shut your phone off and deal in the morning. or if you don't want to be his friend just block his number. it sounds harsh but some people can not take a hint.
but what if he is not faking it? I had a friend commit suicide and it is truly awful to be left behind. She should no signs of harming herself and one day she was just gone. If you even have the slightest hint he may harm himself you need to find him so professional help.
this is what i would do : if he calls and is upset and talking about suicide, i would ask him if he was truly serious. If he answered yes, (even sarcastically) I would tell him that I am not equipped to handle his problems, then I would give him the number for the hot line. If i felt the situation was really dire I would call myself.
you won't get in trouble for calling. and if he goes in for evaluation maybe they can help him with other problems he might have (depression, bi-polar, anxiety ect ect)
good luck!

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

you will not get into trouble if you call and if faking. Its a cry for help, and its not your problem, maybe talk to someone about this to get him help.

also keep the text and show someone, a doctor, his parents. Its a cry for help. But don't feel bad.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

That's a tough situation to be in. When I was a teenager I had a couple of friends who were very depressed and needy and I put up with a lot of their over-bearing personalities until it nearly drained me of all my own strength. One friend did attempt a suicide and he wrote two suicide notes- one to his family and one to me. It's really tough situation to go through but in the end I realized that I wasn't to blame. I wasn't the one who was causing their problems and I couldn't take responsiblity for their actions.

Because your friend is stressing you out so much I really suggest you talk about this to a trusted adult or a school counselor. Whether he is suicidal or not, he seriously needs help that you cannot give him. He's trying to push it all on you so that you feel like you are responsible for his actions and that's neither fair or true. You need to step up for yourself and let someone else know what is going on. You won't get in trouble for saying something. Chances are he'll probably be pretty upset with you and stop talking to you but you are not to blame. If you have text messages where he is saying he will kill himself that that is further proof that he needs help.

Do what you need to do and do not allow yourself to feel responsible for his behavior- you're not.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

Ok....this may sound a bit harsh....

It sounds like he is very insecure and is seeking 'approval'. It may be a cry for help, but sounds more like he isn't very emotionally intelligent.

He has singled you out because you have a caring nature. You can still care without being walked over. This is one of those 'tough love' times.

His behaviour going from one girl to another sounds like he doesn't want anyone to get too close at the same time as hijacking your time.....ummmm.... a bit contradictory.

He is an emotional bully and needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions and stop the emotional manipulation.

I'm qualified in nursing and owned a care home for mental health. In my experience if someone is determined to commit suicide they will do it regardless of what is said to them.

Take back your life sweetie and tell him in straight forward language that you know what game he is playing. I totally agree with PinkWeeds, you are not responsible for anything he does. He has a choice about how he behaves, equally you have a choice not to have stress in your life.

Think about why his other friends have dumped him......

Good luck Happy

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I have had many friends like this... and really... since there is always that chance that ignoring him could change him from just saying it to doing it... I would really suggest finding him some help. Go show a counciler the messages and they will talk to him and help him find the help he needs... sure he may want nothing to do after that but you won't have to deal with his calls/texts and he might get the help he needs.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I've attempted at my own life a few times. I'm the kind of person that is so hard on myself that no matter what anyone says I don't believe them unless it agrees with what I am thinking about myself(I'm ugly, no one loves me, etc). I tend to be clingy despite that, as if something in me believes that someone will finally say something I will believe that will help me feel better. That's scared off a lot of people and it just reinforces a lot of my negativity about myself. For a long time I thought the only way to get attention was to threaten my own life. It only served to scare even more people away and I eventually DID try to kill myself because I really felt it was the only way out.

I don't have advice on how to deal with him, but I thought I'd give you a POV from someone in his shoes. I don't know whether you should call a suicide hotline or not because being in a mental health facility only made things worse for me personally. Maybe you can find a good hobby he'd enjoy? Drowning myself in my hobbies is the only way I can keep my inner negative voice from getting at me so much.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I had a friend like this,and she tried to commit suicide a bunch of times.She cut herself,took pills,drank accumulator liquid and once she even ate a mirror.(This happened before we where friends)

When we became friends she was dooing fine,but after I asked if she was really dooing OK she took advantage of me,because she knew I heard the stories of her suicidal past,and she taught she could make me her personal slave by pretending she was suicidal again.
She played this game with me for almost a year.She pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night,she made me visitr her every single day,she called me every day saying she will kill herself.But when I got to her house,she was fine and she only wanted to talk.
So after a year I got sick of her threats,and when she faked a fainting at a party I called the ambulance on her.When she heard the ambulance is coming,she jumped up and said she was fine,but it was too late.They took her in and she had to explain the hole situation.

After that she never called me saying she will kill herself or faked anything.We are still kind of friends.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

I've attempted suicide several times. I have also "cried for help" at times when I really wasn't serious about taking my life, but needed someone to listen to me and felt it was the only way they'd hear me. It was a very selfish, immature thing to do; emotional bullying as Sheila said. That's what it sounds like your friend is doing to you. Remember, you need to take care of yourself first and this relationship is obviously not healthy for you. Let the professionals take care of the serious stuff. Report it to a hotline or authorities if you feel he is serious. He'll be grateful if he really did need help. Also remember, that if another person takes their own life, it is not your fault. You can never control the actions of another human being, you can only control your own.

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

Thanks Kiddo....I thought I might get a negative response to what I wrote. It's good to know that others see the reality of the situation.

I have dealt with many suicidal patients and had to speak to relatives of those that succeeded. It's very difficult to talk to and care for families who are blamming themselves for loved one who has committed suicide.

One of the things I said to people who are contemplating it is that it is a long term solution to a short term problem.

When people are so tied up in their own thoughts it is difficult for them to see the reality of their situation.

I myself have and do suffer with mental health problems so I know how lonely it can be, particularly at this time of year when there is suppose to be so much cheer and happiness. If you ask anyone who will give you honest answers reality is glossed over by tinsel and wrapping paper.

Many people who suffer depression and insecurities have a really tough time at this time of year.

Anyone who feels they can't cope please go to see your doctor or a mental health councillor. There are services available that don't need doctor referals and are confidential so it won't go on your record if this is a worry.

Don't be alone in your thoughts....if you don't feel like talking to someone, talk to the wall. It may sound weird but it helps me to hear the words out loud that are stuck in my head making me ill.

Have a blessed new year everyone and take care of yourself first, then you will be able to help others x

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

My mum has 'attempted suicide' before. i use the inverted commas because it was a cry for help. My sister went home one day and found notes addressed to me, my sister, my dad and her friend. She started crying uncontrollably but i knew my mum wasn't serious. she'd said things in the past but each time was a cry for help.
In each of these notes she blamed everything on me, it was all my fault etc. I haven't spoken to her since. She claims she was going to kill herself and it wasn't a cry for help (which i don't believe) but if that was the case then her last words would've been the most awful thing you could possibly say to someone.

Your friend could be depressed and if they haven't already seen a doctor then they need to. They won't get better otherwise. I did have a friend similar once and i know how draining it is to constantly have to be someone's pick-me-up night or day so i do feel for you there. I'm not good at dealing with stuff like this myself TBH as i hate confrontation but have you spoken to his family?? They may be unaware, and it might help to involve them.
hope this helps x

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

@Claire...so sorry that you have had to go through such an ordeal. It's hard when people think we should be close to our mother's. Mines a "Bleep Bleep" too. She didn't try to commit suicide, but she did try to have me beaten up by my cousins for spilling the family secrets to the police.

No one is to blame for others behaviour. We all are self determining and have choice. Sounds like your mother is a very mixed up angry person who picked on you because you were there.
There will come a time when she regrets her actions, especially if you have children.

It takes a lot to break away from abusive family relationships. So be happy in the thought that you are a survivor.

I know there's the old saying of blood being thicker than water but I have met some folk who think it gives them the right to be abusive to family members.....not in my life it doesn't.

Pat yourself on the back for taking emotional control of your life. You made a really difficult choice. Anger will turn to sadness as time goes on x

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

@Shiela: thanks Happy doesn't help with my sister telling me to make it up with her but i still get really angry when i think about it so i'm nowhere near ready yet!(and i do have a daughter which is why i think she might regret what she did)

Sorry to hear your mother's a "bleep bleep", it's a shame we can't all have perfect families.
x

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

@Claire....that's why we choose our friends.

I haven't had contact with my mother for 8 years now. Anger as become a sort of sadness. My brother wants me to talk to her so I understand that pressure. Ironically my life is so much more relaxed and calm without her. I sort of feel sorry for her not being able to interact with others without being manipulative.

Good luck on your journey x

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post

Thanks for the responses! Well about 20 minutes after I posted this he started getting really creepy about suicide so I started crying and I called the suicide hotline who got me to the police. I don't know him well AT ALL so all I could give them was his cell, name, and school. They tried calling him and he starting swearing at me (over text) and the next day the police broke into his house and he said that "It was a misunderstanding" when he was just twisting his words.

Some of you guys were right, he was bluffing.

On the other hand he stopped bothering me so I guess it was just a call for attention......

Edit Delete
Moderate: Hide this post


Reply