Weight and Girls

A friend of mine recently became pregnant and she is starting to show. By "show" I mean she has a tiny bump. She is by no way, shape, form, or fashion fat. She has always been incredibly tiny however, this does not stop her from constantly complaining about being fat. Now that she is pregnant it has increased.
I know we all have insecurities. I too get frustrated with my weight. I am not saying that feeling insecure means you shouldn't talk to someone about it. However, when it is a constant topic and becomes a pity-party 24/7 it grows tiresome. I don't know how many times I and others have told this particular girl that she is beautiful.
The reason this bugs me so much is because this girl is super thin and when she complains about being "fat" it makes me think "well, if she thinks she's fat what the hell does that make me?"
Now, I know I am not fat however, as a child I was. I have worked long and hard to stay in shape but also, more importantly, to improve my self-esteem. It's hard. I feel like it is a daily battle in my head. And the days were I am particularly low, it doesn't help to have to hear or read about how fat a skinny person thinks they are.
I think we should sometimes remember that we aren't the only ones who have insecurities and sometimes, we should take a moment to listen to what others have to say instead of constantly complaining about our own problems.

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18 replies since 17th September 2010 • Last reply 17th September 2010

Oh I am ever guilty of this. I put on 15 pounds since January and it took a shock hold over me. I know in my logical part of my brain that being half-way in a size 6 isn't fat and yet there is a whole lot more of my body now than there ever was before and it freaks the crap out of me. People tend to look at me crazy when I comment on the extra weight. To them they don't actually see a difference except to see I might look "healthier". To me, who is having to watch me go up jean, underwear and bra sizes, it feels more like a hostile take-over of my body. I think in the logical part of your friend's mind she knows she isn't fat but she is going through a lot of bodily changes that she might not have been ready for. She probably feels like she has no control over the weight gain (which is correct in her case) and she is overwhelmed by it.
She might have also had an eating disorder which is under control now. I have an eating disorder which I now have under control and a few people I know are in the same boat as me and when they became pregnant they confided in me their own fear of the weight gain and of possibly hurting their baby if they lose control. It’s really scary for someone who has suffered from an eating disorder to get pregnant. I went through a miscarriage last month and I felt a lot of the blame and guilt being that I am not healthy enough. No matter how many years you’ve put between you and your last “episode” it never really gets easier. I have only one close friend who I confide in with my daily struggles and I always feel horrible about it because she’s struggled with her weight in the opposite way.
Perhaps you can help your friend by trying to take away her focus from her own body and putting it on the babies body. Maybe showing her a weekly progress of how big her babby is getting and getting excited over the growth of the baby would be a way of helping her cope.

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I so agree with you Towey. I sometimes make remarks about how I am not that skinny, but I know I'm not fat... Sometimes I just kinda feel that way. it's just after being 107 .. after two kids I'm now 135 and it takes getting use to, but I don't voice mine complaints as often as I have them because I know how it feels to be the one listening to it. It is scary tho... I hope your friend does not try to stay thin through her pregnancy bec it can be so unhealthy for the baby...and for her! I went up to 170 with both my kids.. so I added 63 pounds! I felt HUGE, but I knew it was for a good reason.. I had a little human inside me!!!! I wish her the best of luck and I'm sorry that you are having to hear it so much and it is making things harder for you. Happy *hugs*

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Pinkweeds-You makes a great point. I definitely know I am guilty for forgetting the issues she has had with weight before getting pregnant and now that she can't control her weight can it can be overwhelming to lose control.
Thank you so much for your input it.
Spookysweetie-I knew before I posted that almost every girl in the world has an issue or a problem with their weight. We all want to lose or change something about ourselves. I think you handled your pregnancy with grace. Despite what you felt like you knew that it was important for your children.

I think that is definitely something I should keep in mind when I am talking with my friend. It is difficult to lose control of your body; however, when you become pregnant it isn't about you anymore. I knew this before but my own annoyance at my friend's constant complaining stopped me from trying to be supportive and understanding.
I wish we could all let go of this part of ourselves that constantly compare what we see in the mirror with what we see in our head. This is definitely something I am going to pursue personally and socially because if I can help a friend or family member overcome their personal demons then I am definitely doing something right in life.
I just have to remind myself to be more understanding just as others need to be more understanding.

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I don't really understand why people have issues with their weight.. My mum has always told me I'm fat and has had me on a strict diet for years now, even though I'm classified as underweight now because of it. She still insists I'm fat, although I've never had an issue with the way I look..

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Wow, that's incredibly wrong of your Mom. I'm sorry you had her treat you like that. However, it's really good that your self-esteem hasn't been hurt by it.

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WOWWW, really????

I know there's this journalist in NYC or something who is pretty much doing the same to her kids... she writes about "healthy living," but she is literally anorexic.

Too bad--I hope her children turn out as un-harmed by it as Rawr.Rawr.

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I used to think I'm fat until my friend made a joke and said I look really anorexic, that made me wake up. Now I'm actually trying to pick up weight, but obviously my mum's not happy about that. I don't really care about whether I'm fat or thin, as long as I'm healthy. Because I'm so skinny at the moment, if I get cramps they're REALLY bad and I can't eat a lot because I'm used to eating hardly anything. I'm working on it to just have enough fat to be healthy (my cholesterol is too low.. I didn't even know that was possible until my doctor told me).

At least I've learnt from what my mum did to me and I know I'd never do the same to my kids one day

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I would kill to weigh atleasy 110 pounds. I am 20 (4'11) and i look like 12 because im so tiny and i look sick. everyone always has to ask or tell me rather "Do you know how tiny you are? do you eat? do you throw it up? No actually, i am not :sick: I weigh about 70 right now it flutuates between 60-80 and it really makes me feel alful about myself. Oh im not winning about being skinny i LOVE being small saving money on clothes is win win but still sometimes late a night when im up online window shopping i get alittle emo. I am the same way as you RAWR i am wayyy too tiny for my age but mostly because my mommy didnt want me so she did a TON of drugs to rid herself of my grace. SO im bleesed tiny and it has perks but it sucks. i love who i am though for the most part and if i really wanted to i could go out trick or treating and blend in with the kiddies Happy I have a friend kria who weighs 140 (she is 5'5 )and she is gourgous but someone called her a "fat nerd" yesterday and she was depressed all day by this. Shes not fat at all. yeah she has alittle extra weight on the sides but its healthy and is not at all un attrative. anywho my point is she was asking me how i stay so skinny to which i replied "I'd kill to look like you." i dont think she belived me but dont change who you are for any one. She was actually going to starve herself to try to be my size. NOONE should ever be this tiny unless they cant help it. Be yourselves you are beautiful how ever over or under weight you think you are. ... Oh and rawr your mom sucks but so does mine and i like to think i came out pretty good of a womenm, i bet you are too.
Some people just cant be happy with what they have in front of them. real women are not the vouge models and the sooner people start realizing this the better all out our self essteems will be.

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Rachie, have you heard of this woman? She was taken off TV in the UK because she was giving bad nutrition advice as 'fact'. Also, she has a PHD in something or other (NOT medical/practical) so is called 'Dr', but she was implying it was an MD (and even out and out lying that she had a degree from a Nutrition school in America) in order to validate her claims.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/feb/12/advertising.food

It's quite sad really, she had curvature of the spine and found 'control' in food... so basically disordered eating (manifesting as orthorexia- obsessive OCD-related 'I'll live if I eat this/I'll die if I eat that theories about eating certain foods, rather than cutting down). She is very bright and articulate so instead of ringing alarm bells medically, the media adopted her as a 'diet guru'- which has fed her obsession (everything will go right if I control food...).

Sad really.

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When i hear skinny girls say their "fat" i usually laugh at them and think their pathetic. It's never made me feel bad (i am a size 16/17 & proud of it!).

If she ever says it again. Just make a groaning noise & say "well wait until your 8 months & see how u feel". Maybe that will shut her up. lol I understand her saying it, b/c being pregnants so hard, but all the time is freaking annoying.
When girls (of any size) say their fat to me (especially people skinner then me, which is quite a lot lol), i always immediately think theyre self-conscious & unhappy with themselves. It annoys me (i dont know why). I think you should be happy with whatever size you are, as long as your healthy. I wouldnt change my curvy figure for nothing. =)

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There's a whole industry dedicated to making you think that buying their products will make you prettier/thinner/sexier. Part of that business model is to make girls think they are ugly/fat/unattractive.

But I seriously want to slap skinny girls who complain about being fat.

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hey yeah pandora, I am skinny and I always say I am too skinny. I want to gain weight. I hate people calling themselves fat.

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Cyndie L. I am very concerned about your weight. It is not healthy to be having your weight bouncing around between 60-80lbs when you are 20. I am speaking from personal experience here when I say this, when I was 11 I weighed 50 lbs I worked to weigh 60 by drinking whole milk with my meals and struggled to 70. I was probably about 75lbs when I entered high school. The doctors were concerned that my brain would stop growing and my heart would harden because of my low weight at that age. It's very serious and I had a close brush with death. Even at your height it is dangerous for you to weigh so little at your age. I would consult with a family doctor about seeing a nutritionist and take charge of your life and body. At your age you need to consider your future and at your current weight, it would be impossible to have children in the future and probably very painful to have a physical relationship with anyone. I understand that you don’t have an eating problem or an eating disorder but you do have a serious health problem. You could become anemic as a result of your low weight, which speaking from experience is dangerous and no walk in the park. It is also possible you have a thyroid problem which is why your weight is so low and if that is the case you really do need to see a doctor. I really can’t stress enough how worried I am about you and how important it is to take your weight and health seriously. I’m sorry, if this is upsetting but I couldn’t walk away after reading your post without saying something because the possibility of death is so great at your weight that it’s very frightening. Please see your doctor about it so that you can get healthy for you.

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thank you for your concern , i do take my health very seriously, but i already know all fo that <3 I was informed last year that i cant have children (worst news of my life and a whole other story) And you are right it is because im sooooo tiny, i thought i had a thyroid issue for years as it runs well in my family tree but the doctors assist that i do not. I take many vitimans and try to eat as healthy as possible. I talked to many doctors and two nutrition speicalist and they all tell me the same thing "you're not un healthy, just keep active and eating the way you do and you will be fine." I een had one tell me this "I dont know why you're complaining about being unhealthy, (she points to a obesse women in another room) "see that women over there? She'll be dead in 5 years if she keeps her lifestyle up, you're just a small person thank god for that." SO i dont know. I know i was a small kid and ive been told that alot of my issues is cuz my mom did so much acid and drugs while she was prego but other than that, This is somthing i've delt with for my whole life. Just goes to show you that no two people are ever made the same <3 thank you for caring though the world meeds more caring people in it.

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