two problems...

DISCLAIMER: You guys don't have to read it since its pretty long. I just needed to rant and vent...


Alright, so when I start talking about one and then you get to the other, one will seem SO INCREDIBLY STUPID and minor and I shouldn't care, especially in comparison to my other problem... but it still matters to me, though much less than.. yea..

ANYWAY. My mom may have breast cancer. I just went with her to the doctor today. A few days ago, our cat Retard jumped on her boob, and it hurt obviously. She was rubbing it and felt a lump. And she set up an apointment with a doctor after that. So she went in, they felt it, and they sent her to this radiation place. We went there TODAY and she got a mammogram and an Ultrasound.
Tommorrow at 11 she is going to a specialist [WHICH IS AMAZING! It usually takes, at least WEEKS to get a specialist appointment!] And they are going to talk to her about the biopsy. Apparently from the ultrasound and the mamogram, they think its most likely NOT a cist, but actual cancer. We don't KNOW. It could still be a cist, or multiple cists it seems. It could be cancerous tumors, or benign tumors... We just don't know. They don't think its metasticized yet if it is cancer...

She is 44 and if it IS cancer, she has a higher percentage of survival because of her age [the younger you are, the lower the rate of recovery is].

My real big worry is that we've had 16 cases of cancer or precancerous cells in our IMMEDIATE family. Being her sisters and brothers, and her parents. I'm not sure how many of those were breast cancer, but apparently our family just has the "cancer genes". She also smokes. I have no clue if that effects it or not, but it seems to affect EVERTHING, so again.. no clue.

I don't know... which is the problem.

I guess... If I just KNEW. If it was cancer and it was this kind and this big and had these characteristics and etc. etc. etc. Then I suppose I wouldn't be as worried. Because if its a certain kind with certain features, we could treat it. But I JUST DON'T KNOW. I have no clue. There is nothing I can do. I can't even help her emotionally because she will NOT OPEN UP! Honestly, she is the most closed, cloaked person I have met other than me. I didn't even know that she was homeless all her childhood, that her sister killed herself, that her two brothers are dead, that her first husband was a herion addict that died, That her OTHER brother [the man who used to baby sit me] has AIDS, that her mother died and her sister beat her. I didn't know ANYTHING about her life except my [living]aunts are mucn more open and realize that I need to know these things.

She has, and WILL ALWAYS feel that HER PROBLEMS are HERS. That all of her stress and pain and emotions are HERS to hold in. And I can understand, but I normally feel that way. But I'm trying to stop. She just wont let ANYONE help her. She wouldn't even tell my aunts about the lump except that our cousin found out and would have told them [which would have been much worse. She is a drama queen]. She can't keep all of it bottled in and help down, because she is so depressed and stressed. She's got peptic ulcers. I'm just so afraid for her. I don't want her to collapse under the weight of everything she can't work through. And yea... Sooooo there is that problem.




ANDDDDDD this one seems SO SO SO SO SO stupid in comparison, but I hate that druggies and hippies are synonimous. I realize that many hippies DID and DO drugs. But there are many druggies who are NOT hippies, why can't people accept that there can be hippies who DON'T do drugs? Its kind of annoying, because whenever I've had an extremely stressful day [which seems to be happening more and more] and I'm tired, my teachers will always ASSUME that I'm high or something.

I don't do drugs. I don't care if other people do drugs. I don't think its particularly good for people, but I don't realy give a shit what people do as long as it doesn't hurt those that I love. Its just not for me. I like being in control, its the same reason I don't drink enough to get drunk. I hate not being 100% aware and full.

I want to try pot, once, for the experience. But I want to do that with my aunts and my mom with me [only two of my aunts do pot, so my mother and my other aunts wont be joining], but I KNOW myself, I know I don't have an addictive personality, and I know I wont get hooked.

Its just... its getting to be a big problem. I didn't used to care when people were like "hey... you got some skunk weed?" or "wanna buy a dime bag?" or what the hell ever... but now, my counselor, my teachers, even my aquaintences who haven't heard my drug rants, they all assume I'm doing drugs and its begining to take a toll on my college career.

I told my counselor I wanted to join a summer internship, and I wanted to do all these other things in college, like sports and extracariculars, and she was like "uh.. you know you have to take a drug tests for these... so you might not want to join". And its like... JESUS woman! YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING MULLET, DON'T JUDGE ME! lol. Its true, she does Happy And yea... there are so many opportunities that I'd love to join in on, and my teachers [well, most of them] KNOW that I'm an extremely smart and driven person. But they feel that since I spend all my free time doing drugs, OH KNOW, of course I wouldn't want to be a part of this poetry contest! Or no, no science bowl for me!

The only thing that it doesn't affect me negatively in is art. if anything, the teacher likes me MORE because she thinks I'm a friggin pot head. lol.

so yea...

those are my problems.

I felt like ranting and venting, you guys don't have to read this or give a crap. Just needed to vent. [because I know sometimes I scroll down to the bottom of a rant for some reason... figured others might..]

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14 replies since 12th November 2008 • Last reply 12th November 2008

They are both Important rants by the way.

On the first. She will most likely be okay. My mom had the same thing. It was benign. Try not to worry about it too much until you guys know for sure. And then take it day by day. And no smoking does not affect breast cancer. I could go on to tell you many stories of people I know who had cancer and all of them end in they are still alive today.

On to the second. Screw most of them, but don't let it affect your college status. Tell them hey! I do want to be involved you assholes! I'm not a druggy. Would be a cool new story to. Highschool Judges Girl Based on Her Clothes. They would kiss your butt after that. You know how the news stations around here love stories like that! haha. I used to go through the same thing sort of my teachers thought I was a slutt. I wanted to tell them hey I done it once bitches. But, I didn't even bother scew em.

Anyway hope any of that helped. Keep us posted.

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ok, neither are less important.
You should wear an ain't drug shirt to school, write a large essay on how drugs aren't good for you, and a perssasive essay on why YOU don't do drugs.

Lol.

As to you're mom! OMG! i feel soo bad for you!! i hope she getts better soon1

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those rants are important. I hope your mom gets better, I had a cervical cancer scare. so I understand.

I am antidrug as well. You should do what you feel like u should do

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Uuummm.. Dis. I´m so sorry for you. My mom died after my birth and my grandfather who was like a father to me died a few years ago..
He had cancer too but he was so many years older than your mom..I think everything will be fine.. 44 years are not very old.. She has a good chance to fight.. and that you wrote all of this shows that you really there for her and that you care about her.
She is not alone.. Even if she don´t wanna talk she knew that.. So don´t worry... Be strong for her.. maybe she only needs time to talk to you about this.

My life was really hard too.. I had so many problems.. and never talked about that with other persons.. I wanted to be strong..I want to manage it all by myself.. And it tooks me 17 years to talk about everything..

I had hughe Problems at my school too. People always think when you don´t have a mother or a father who come to school to talk to teacher or something like that you must be some of the wild kids.. You take drugs and nobody cares about you.
I don´t know why people always think that. (I don´t drink,I don´t smoke)

But I grow up at my grandparents house.. with my older sister..My father is in Brazil and has a new family.
My Grandma is 95 years old now .. and when I was at school she was very old too.. To old to talk to teachers or join some parents activity at school.
She didn´t came to school because she was to old .. and not because she didn´t care...
but nobody ever thought about that..
You are not alone.. time will help to change peoples opinion about you... They will see that you are not that pott-head-person... the will see that you are a nice and lovely person.. that you have something special..
But If they will never see it then it´s not your problem... It´s the problem of all others!!!
I really like the way you think about so many things.. I think (even if I don´t know you) that you are a good daughter that really loves her mother,you are a good friend, and that you are a person who fight for others too..
You don´t have to show (to proof) others that you are not bad.. or a pott-head..
Alright?!
Hope that helps you a little bit.. There are a few things more I wanted to say,but my english is to bad for all the thoughts and feelings in my head.. hope you can understand me.. only a little bit*g*

<3 Luana

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They shouldn't be judging you about drugs anyway. Even if you take them, it doesn't mean you should be excluded from school things if you want to be involved. They have no right to make judgements about your personal life, as long as it doesn't affect what you do.

I'm sorry, I don't know what to say about your mum. I'm sorry. She may not talk a lot, but the best thing you can do is just be there for her to the best of your abilities. Hopefully it'll be benign, but let us know. We all love you (and therefore, by default, your mum)

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It's always good to rant, never feel bad to rant.

I hope things go okay for you!

And show those teachers what you are made of!

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Aww Dis I'm sorry to hear about your mum (even though you don't know what's happening yet, but you know what I mean). I'm sure she'll be fine, like you said if it is cancerous then she's got a high chance of recovery. And it sounds like they've caught it early which is better. Be grateful to your cat for jumping on her boob on the first place Tongue
My mum's the same way about not opening up to things, she rarely has all these "growing up talks" or whatever with me and she tends to keep all of her problems to herself. She just lets me know that she's there for me and I do the same for her, and that's what works for us so it might work for you and your mum.
<3

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I'm sorry about your mum, I know you don't know yet but the wait is awful. Don't you dare say you don't have to read this to us when your mum might be ill! I hope it's all fine.

Lighter note: I saw a hippy the other day, she lived in a van and had dread locks and did a 3 point turn...I think.

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lmfao! I love hippies, especially ones with vans and dreads and.... one that... does turns?


anyway, she went to the specialist [after considerable drama... well... moreso than already], and he told her to come back in three months, which is good! Because if he thought it was cancer, he would have schedules a biopsy right away, but he just told her to come in in three months to check up and see if it was still there. Which is good Happy

AND SHE'S HAD A BREAKTHROUGH! She's still a very closed off person and all that, but at least she is trying.

We had a talk a while ago and I told her [not in a mean incriminating way, just in a topic kind of way] and I said , jokingly [we joke like this, we are incredibly sarcastic, but we never actually hurt eachother] that anyone who meets her and somehow finds out about her past might think she is a sociopath. lol. I know better, because I know the reasons she does what she does, but yea... So she is trying to get better at opening up and stuff.


SO YEA, good Happy

Second problem still applies, but I'll get through it.

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I don't understand the teachers with the drug thing, do they think you're a hippy? Stereotypes are so much worse over there! Whenever teachers found out there was a real problem with someone they sort of left them alone, at least they did with me, so tell a teacher you trust and who likes you and ask him/her to tell the others that you're really upset about all of it and hopefully they'll stop. Sound like that teacher in Everybody Hates Chris! 'What tribe are yooou from Chris?'

Yey for Mommy Dis!

the hippy did a turn in the road in her van and it had curtains!

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((((super mega hugs to you dis))))

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I know some awesome hippies. Although they are all stoners =P but that's almost irrelevant. They're awesome

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lol yea they think I'm a hippie, cause I am Happy But I'm not a stoner hippie.

I actually have, to one, but most of my teachers don't hang out. We have 100+ staff members at my school so they don't all talk.

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we have like...30 at my school. its miniscule.

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