What should i do?

I feel like me and my boyfriend are falling apart at the seems (i shall tell why, but it does invole some 18A stuff, soo, ask and i shall tell) but, i don't want it to. And im trying, really hard (same with the last thing) but i don't know what to do anymore. i lvoe him, i really really do.

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19 replies since 11th November 2008 • Last reply 11th November 2008

Well I don't think we could really help you unless you tell us why. : I want to help, but I don't know how D:

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I want to help you ,too..
I´m very good in helping with such Problems..because I had a lot of these kind of problems with my ex-boyfriend too..(who really was an idiot ) Happy

...It would really help us if we know what exactly is going on Jasmin! Happy
Maybe he is not worth that you fight for him.. Maybe you did something stupid which you only have to change..
we don´t know.. and because of that we can´t give you any good help.

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yeah we need to know the problem- why not email us?

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The only thing I can say, since I don't know what is going on...is...

...tell him how you feel...and if you don't want things falling apart tell him...you guys have to work it out together...

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all couples have rough patches, even if it's just one of the pair having a problem...I agree with KT, talk to him, write a letter, but yeh we need to know the real problem really.

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Every single couple goes through the same things, but the ones who are meant to be stick out all the shit. Don't feel down on the relationship because it seems a bit dodgy at the moment, is i guess what i'm saying.

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I agree with KT and Queen and Roma.

The simplest, yet most affective advice without knowing the situation is always communication. If couples talk it out and understand eachother's doubts and fears, if they are both commited, it will work out.

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i love you guys, you help. You do.

Anyways, so you know whats going on.

Frist of all : i am as many racists you can be without being incest. My boyfriend is racist, not like he use to be. he use to be real bad, but after meeting me he's grown up a bit. but their are slips that make me cry, and than he gets angry cause he didnt mean it like that, and i should stop being a baby. than we fight, ending with a "You'rea jerk andrew!" he leaves, and comes back really sad and says he's sorry, does again a few days later.

Second : I was a HIGHLY emotionally abused child, very baddly. And the law did nothing about it cause my father is depressed and mentally unstable, and was on drugs, that "should have helped" so im messed up cause i was and still am in desprate need of love. So i do things for him, want large amounts of thank you's back and stuff. and i love herein it cause it makes me feel like i did something that mad some on happy. he thinks a smile gets it. And its nice and all, dont get me wrong, but he is honestly the frist person i get that special love, you can only really get from family. And i've tried to explain it, but he still doenst get it, even though we both had crap parents. he just needs me around, i need... attention, lots of it! and its not that i want him to me and me only, not friends. No thats not what i want. i Just need to feel a very strong need for my existance. and getting constantly put to one side beause he goes t his friends or whatever, makes me feel well not needed.

three : I AM AN EMOTINAL ROLLCOASTER! right now im dealing in thearpy and outside what crap i went through as a kid, and it makes me messed up. SO i forget simple things, like doing laundry, washing dishes, changing clothes. Cause im a wreck. I don't need him to tell me its the thrid time he's had to wash all the dishes cause im a nutcase. I need help, and i've told him that. and he keeps bringing me down, cause he is a neatfreak and hates a messy house. But im falling apart at the seams myself, and can't deal with the outside critism he's giving me.

I sound like im a whiner, its a lot worse than i typed it. but... arg!

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Have you ever thought about just not having a boyfriend at the moment? Just figuring out who you are and what you need? I hope that helps. Sometimes just thinking about it and not really doing it puts things into perspective.

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i have, but, i need someone there for me. In person. I really have no one. It sounds bad, but im at a weird and bad point at my life to be dealing with this stuff. But someday i'll still hav to dealwith it, and i would rather it was before i had kids. so...

And, i for gotanother thing on that list.

Yesterday, i had the whole day planned out for my boyfriend and me. With sexually pleasures avalible to him i normally with draw, just to spice things up with us. And had real sexy under wear and everything for it. I told him that yesterday was our day, cause i had it off, and i needed some time with just him. He invited his friend over to play games. I was sooo mad at him and he didnt get it even after i explained to him i was upset that he would invite friends over when i ad plans to him.

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Omg... I'm sorry but he sounds like a total jerk.

Have you ever thought that maybe you are still with him because You need someone and you feel like he is the best you can get? I mean a racist who is inconsiderate and a jerk, a guy who walks out on every fight, who knows his girlfriends problems and doesn't to much about it... I'm sorry, but he doesn't really sound like someone you should be with.

You are so cool jasmin, and though I've never seen pictures of you or anything, I am SURE you are gorgeous because you seem to have a gorgeous soul! Perhaps you need to find a friend, a good friend, not another boyfriend, or anything like that... but maybe a best friend.

I think you might be closed off to people because the one person in your life that you should have been able to trust and feel love from, he abandoned you and abused you. He made you feel worthless and it is devastating. The person you trust and love and believe, he made you feel like you were a shitty person, and of course you are going to start believing him. I know this, because its happened to me to. Though my father was rarely physically abusive, he is increasingly verbally abusive, and I honestly know how... impactful that can be, not only from personal experience, but almost all of my close friends have had similar experiences.

So because he abused you and tore your heart and soul into tiny pieces, OF COURSE its going to be hard to trust people enough to become great friends with them. You may FEEL that you are trying to find friends, but maybe you are subconciously blocking others from understanding you and becomming apart of your life.


Well anyway, if you are able to establish that relationship with someone, and have a best friend, I know you may not want to hear it, but Tara is right... maybe you shouldn't be with him.

But as you said, you need SOMEONE... so maybe just wait untill you have that support from somewhere else. :

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you know, I agree with Dis. Maybe you need to take a break and learn who you are. I did that for a few years and when I was ready for a relationship, I met the most amazing man

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I agree with all the other persons.. My Ex boyfriend was a little bit like yours.. He was an idiot..and I really loved him.. I thought I could never live without him,but I think I was only afraid of beeing alone..
I thought I could never find another person and that maybe he is such a jerk because I´m not worth enough to be loved..
But That´s not true.. He made me feel worthless because he didn´t think that he´s worth it.

You need all his attention. But he maybe need other persons (like his friends) to feel more worth.
Think that will always be a problem between you and him.You live in your world where he is the only one.. But he live in his own world..and there are much more people than you.
But you have to go on.. If you don´t have friends anymore then you have to meet some new people.. or maybe some old friends you´ve lost because of your relationship.
Maybe you should tell someone of them the whole things and they will help you. (It s to hard to find new people when you are feeling like this I think)
But you should only call people you always trusted..who never let you down. That would not be good for you.
I know it´s hard but he´s not the right person for you.. not yet.. You both need to change..
I found another boyfriend ..I´m so happy.. My whole life changed.. and I do not care about my EX now..
I know you can make it,too.
You will find another person who is worth that you love him ;)

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I agree with Jess. Just remember we think you r an amazing person

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