Am I over reacting?
I think you should talk to him about it, make him understand that you felt left out, and that he broke his promise to you (this should matter to him).
What about having a weekend away? That way neither you nor him can be distracted by crafting, gaming, working or other people.
He should have told them he already had plans with you unless it's a friend he hasn't seen in a while, then I would be understanding.
As for the housekeeping comment, that's complete BS those 2 guests are his therefore he should be playing maid and to bring it up in front of you makes matters worse. It puts you in a place where you
(A) Speak your mind and hurt people's feelings by making them feel unwelcomed or
(B)Bite your tounge unil their visit is over and vent here which pales in comparisson to actually speaking your mind.
I would pull him aside and let him know he embarassed you and hurt your feelings. I would save the real issue of breaking his promise for after the friends visit so as to not set an akward mood. I agree with Nikki about the wkend away it'll set things right again.
Ohh boy, this sounds eerily similar to a weekend I had recently..
Just try to understand that your BF has been working alot lately and probably didn't realize how much he would appreciate a break until you bugged him to. Now that you have convinced him to take a breather he starts having a good time and relaxes as most guys like to (with buds). Only prob is you get left out in the cold. I would def. suggest you talk with Ian about how his actions made you feel he probably doesn't realize how much it upset you. I would also demand a rain check date night, after having a relaxing weekend Iian will remember how much he appreciates the time off and probably won't put up as much of a fight.
Also I would def. bring up the whole "calling you out in front of public) thing as well. I don't think any couple should embarrass their partner in front of public, not only is it rude, demeaning, and embarrassing I truly believe it strains the relationship to the point of breaking.
One final thing: If you are contributing finances then I believe the housework should be divided as well. When my husbands guests come over I go in another room and craft/relax while my hubby is in charge of cleaning up after the boys. They are his guests the responsibility of cleaning the house while they are there falls on him. Hope this helps, and you deserve to be upset def.
That comment about cleaning irritates me to no end. When my boyfriend and I were living together I did all the housework on top of working full time and going to school full time. One night my boyfriend had a bunch of his friends over for one of his 3 a.m. barbeques and I complained about him using the good china and making a big mess because I'd be the one cleaning and one of his friends said to me "as far as I can tell no one cleans," my boyfriend didn't even stand up for me he just agreed and laughed about it.
I def. don’t think you’re over-reacting. You have every right to be upset with your boyfriend who clearly is taking you for granted. My boyfriend sometimes does that and whenever I feel he is; I make a point of having a long conversation with him about it. Sometimes it helps for me to hear how he views our relationship. He always takes the time to tell me the parts of our relationship he likes best (the quite moments when we are together). I think it also helps him to know how I am viewing our relationship at the moment or for him to know that he is putting a strain on the relationship (usually without realizing it). He does his best to fix things or make up for things if I’m feeling neglected.
You have every right to be upset with your boyfriend but I wouldn’t recommend blowing up at him or giving him the cold shoulder or anything. I suggest going for a drive and parking somewhere to talk. That way you have him away from all distractions and you two can focus only on each other. Tell him how you’re feeling and that you had been under the impression that you two would be getting to spend the majority of his “long weekend” together and that you were upset that he decided to work through the two days before his friend came into town.
What about making one night a week date night? go out somewhere or stay in and watch a movie with snacks. no gaming, no crafting, just the two of you.
Are you his maid or his girlfriend?
If he is happy to live in his mess when you are not around then it should not be up to you to clean up when you visit him (except to make it hygenic enough for your standards!)
If it annoys you talk to him - men aren't smart enough to pick up signals!
Sounds to me like there are some real issues to work out in your relationship. Maybe you are dragging your feet about getting a job or doing housework and those are issues you need to work on. But they are not relationship issues (although they do add stress to a relationship). The relationship issue is that you're the only one in the relationship. Sure your boyfriend is a great guy and he's sweet and he loves you but he doesn't take any time for you. He doesn't put in any effort into the relationship and he completely is taking you for granted. If he was actually in a relationship with you then it would be just as important for him to go and see you when you’re away at Uni as it is for you to go and see him. In all honesty you sound more like flat mates than a couple.
I still suggest a car drive away from the stress of home and the distractions and having a talk with him. I think it's the only way the two of you are going to have a talk that you both need.
As for your getting a job- sitting at home on the computer isn't going to find you one. Go out and start putting in applications for retail stores or restaurants. You don't need a professional job, just a job.
Cleaning the house is even easier. I compartmentalize jobs when I clean. So I start by gathering up all the trash in the whole house which usually takes out the bulk of the mess. Then I gather all the dirty dishes and wash those which takes out the second largest bulk of the mess. I do the laundry the whole time I’m doing everything else (because really, you don’t need to sit over the wash and wait until it’s done). Then you get on your gloves and start doing the real cleaning. You go from room to room starting with the kitchen and bathrooms (because those are the rooms you’ll be doing the most scrubbing and sweeping in) and then moving on to the living room and bedrooms. Finish off with a vacuum through the whole house and you’re done. It really shouldn’t take you more than a couple of days to do all this and if you don’t let yourself get distracted it can take less time. (I would suggest not cleaning your craft room as that would be your distraction).
That sounds like a great way to tackle it Pinkweeds thanks for the advice. I'm going to get this place cleaned up before I start my job next week
i understand travelling always to go see your other half, ive been doing it for 3 years because i was the only one who could drive, now hes passed his test (only last week, with my help and "persuasion") he will start coming to see me. i would get up at 10.30am to be at his (parents) house by noon, leaving around 8pm to get back to my (parents) house at a sensible hour and not be tired.
however, my guy would understand that i was the one always driving everywhere and would repay me, like buying lunch or other things i liked. we dont keep tabs on who has done what, but we can tell if one of us has been doing a lot, like buying food the past several times in a row, or bought something big (over £20) for the other. its sort of like swapping.
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