Rant about my life

I need to get this out somewhere; it's random and sporadic as I type what comes to me.

I always feel like I don't have enough time to do anything, but at the moment I have loads of time. I'm not at uni, most days I don't have anything I need to do, but somehow I always fall short of time to do crafts.

I don't have a designated craft space, so I have to tidy up every day by 5pm (when my parents come home) otherwise I get yelled at by my parents for making a mess. I'm 21, when will I stop getting told off? It means I can't do things at night, it feels like time wasted. I will admit that I sleep late, I go to bed late so I can have some alone time away from my parents, and talk to my fiancé online.

Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to make certain things, or use a certain technique/item like hand sewing (on a separate note: I don't like my current machine and thinking of getting a new one). I don't have a large selection of any equipment such as fabric, threads, glue etc, there is no space in my parents’ house to store anything, and I get told off daily for the place being a mess. To quote my mother: "if you have time to make things you have time to tidy up each day". her saying this every day I cannot stand, she tells me "when I have a day off I will help you tidy up" umm no thanks last time you did that you threw out my button collection, and put my craft stuff under the stairs so it was lost for over a year and I ended up buying new things. I’m not allowed to buy any storage things, I’m supposed to keep what I use in huge boxes stacked on top of one another so that if I want anything I have to struggle to take some of them down (a few are very heavy). I would rather my things be kept in drawers as they are easier for me to open. My room is small and cluttered, I don’t have a desk in my room, only my bed and a chest of drawers and even more boxes. I want to move out with my fiancé and have a space of our own, we are trying to save up but things just keep eating up money (new sofa bed, driving test, changing insurance, car service soon etc etc). We want to buy a house, not rent, but I have to wait until I finish uni and get a job so that it’s easier to get a mortgage. We are also saving up for our wedding, which my parents aren’t contributing to at all, been engaged for ever a year, got 2 more years to go, parents can’t save any money, although if they stopped buying expensive brand food and switched to own-brand, stop spending on stupid items they don’t need they would have £2000 spare a year (at least, I worked it out).
Things always seem to go wrong for me in big batches; this year not much seems to have gone right. It easy to focus on what goes wrong and forget the good things.

I am depressed (manically I think), my parents won’t agree with me because “depression isn’t real”, even though they have noticed that I have changed “where did our happy little innocent girl go to?” 1. That was 10+ years ago, I grew up, 2. My grandma died and my life felt like it was ripped apart. I’d love to get a dog, or another guinea pig but my parents say that I’m not allowed any more pets until the 4 guinea pigs that I have currently are all dead. How depressing.

I want to get out of the house more, see friends (they don’t live anywhere near me, about an hour or more drive away) or do courses to help me learn things but I have no money due to not having a job. I don't have a job because between uni course, a 5-week block of work experience for the course, trying to see my fiancé who live 1.5 hours away and works shifts so each week he has 2 days off which are never the same, I just don't have the commitment time and flexibility to have a job. I can't even try to do my own business of dog walking because I never know if I will be at home from one week to the next so I can't commit. The only way I can think of making money is to make the things that I do to a high quality and try selling them on etsy or eBay. If anyone knows of where else I could sell my creations please let me know. Currently they are plushies but I want to branch out to jewellery, trinkets, hand-made cards etc.


That’s my mixed rant/life for now, it’s 1am and my guinea pigs need food, and I should sleep.

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7 replies since 11th July 2011 • Last reply 11th July 2011

Reply #1:

Hi Nikki Happy
sorry to hear you're in such distress. I left my parents' house when I was 19 (that was 10 years ago, oh my) and I can't even picture going back (even if I love my parents so much and my little sister even more). I'm used to my own life now, and getting back to walk at somebody else's pace would be very hard.

There are so many things in your rant it's hard to find the right answer for all of them (parents, boyfriend, work, study, friends, guinea pigs, crafting etc.) so I'll just throw in a few suggestions without trying to answer everything.

First things first: clutter. I know the problem too well. I don't have a crafting space either in my tiny winy apartment and I have to work either in the kitchen or in the bedroom and tidy up everything afterwards, every time. Also, there always seems to be too much stuff for the space we have. I had a teacher back at Uni that always told me: "you don't have to build your own umbrella every time it rains", meaning that solutions to our problems have already been found, you just have to look for them. In this case, I suggest you read a book called "Clutter Control" by Jeff Campbell - it really helped me in getting rid of all the clutter in my house. You can find the main rules of the book here: http://www.thecleanteam.com/Rules-Clutter/. Believe me, it definitely helps you organizing your living space, and therefore your life. I'm sure there's enough space in your room for everything you need to have ;)

I'm afraid I can't be of help in the parents/fiancè/friends matter. My only suggestion is to hang in there, and do your best to find someplace else to live, especially if it's closer to your fiancé. Have you ever considered switching University to one closer to your friends/fiancè? This way you could find an apartment with other students and leave you parents place. I don't know how things work in the US, but here in Italy there are a lot of financial aids for students who are studying away from home and can't afford to pay a rent.

Last but not least, I'd definitely go for an Etsy shop. Ebay is more for ready-made items, I know because I've been an Ebay seller for a long time. Etsy, on the other hand, looks like a more fit opportunity for crafters. And, if you become an Etsy seller, you could always contact April Winchell at www.regretsy.com and ask to be the recipient of their monthly charity sale. Just a thought ;)

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Reply #2:

my uni is 1hr drive away from where I live (I'm in England by the way) and I only have 1 year left unless I want to do a top-up degree, then that's an extra year afterwards. I can only get loans from the student finance people because the household income is above a certain amount. 2 years ago I dropped out of uni because it was in Wales, 5 hours away from everyone. There are halls at uni but the facilities are poor, there is only a microwave, kettle and a fridge to use for food.

I'm going to try an Etsy shop, I'll make a few things then list them.
I will take a look at the clutter book, thanks for your advice Happy

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Reply #3:

Nikki,

I know you said we weren't far away from each other, but how far are we talking? Are you near Epsom?

K/x

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Reply #4:

I live in Tadworth

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Reply #5:

You are not that far away, so we could get together to have a couple of 'craft nights'. My house is only little, but you are more than welcome.
I've got a mad dog that needs to meet more people and a cat that owns everything she sees (including humans)so you could get your fill of animals and crafting!

I have loads of crafting stuff, material etc and I can always help you with embroidery, or anything else you want to try your hand at and I've got a whole library of books you read too.

I know how restrictive it is living with parents, and I was also restricted when I was married, but I live alone now and I can make as much mess as I like when I'm crafting. :0)
You sound like you need somewhere to get away from the folks and someone to talk to.
I understand depression (am being treated at the moment) and I understand mania etc as I also suffer with OCD, so I can always help there.

It's about all I can do to help, but if it's of any use to you, please let me know.

K/x

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Reply #6:

Your parents and mine should get together. They'd get on like a house on fire. I feel for you. When I still lived at home, my dad loosely described my craft stuff as "that crap". It always baffled me that my mum is pretty crafty but any attempt I made at crafting after the age of 12 was seen as a huge waste of time and space. There wasn't much space or privacy in my house either. 6 people to 2 bedrooms so I totally understand that

Depression sucks. Been there and got the T shirt. and it sucks even more when your family pretends your just being silly or in my mum's case "You are not depressed your just being a drama queen!" Talk to your doctor about you feel and see if you can get some councilling or antidepressants. That really helped me. Your uni student services might also be able to help you out too. Don't isolate yourself. Skype is a fab tool for keeping in touch with the long distance partner as I'm doing for some of the year at the moment.

Have you guys considered renting? I know you want to get a mortgage but a space for just the two of you might be a good thing. It also will give you more flexibility so you can try out where you want to live. It might take the pressure off a bit as well so you could concentrate on saving for your wedding. I'm doing uni moving between student halls and my boyfriends flat and I couldn't imagine saving for a house and a wedding all at once aswell. Add parents in to the mix and I can see why things might be getting stressful!

Selling stuff on etsy sounds like an awesome idea.I'm not sure what you like making but simple felt plushies or pairs of bead earrings might be a good place to start.

If all else fails going for a walk, listening to your favourite music or going to the library to read and chill in the quiet for a while can be calming. It just gets you out the house and away from your own head for a bit.

Hang on in there. This too will pass. Much hugs x


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Reply #7:

at the moment we cant afford to rent, he only earns 900 every 4 weeks, supporting both of us on that and paying for rent wont go very far.
@kimmi- it would be cool to meet up sometime.

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