i need to do something!!

Last year me and my partner moved from our 2 bed flat into a 3 bedroom house. I had to leave my job as i couldn't get there or back for the shift times (either start 7am or finifh 11pm) as i can't drive. Since then i've been on jobseekers allowance. In October i managed to get a job working for o2 in one of their stores which i loved!! But had to start sending my daughter to nursery which she HATED Happy she'd scream and cry everytime i left her and be crying when i picked her up. She got that many bugs/colds etc in the short time she was there it was unbelievable. Me and my partner decided that we couldnt leave her there so took her out, which meant i had to leave my job Happy
Since then i've been back on jobseekers and can't find any evening work at all, and now my jobseekers has stopped.
I was talking to my partner last night as our account had gone overdrawn and he still doesn't want me to work as he'd then have to work full days then come home to look after our daughter. He wants me to wait until she starts school. I agree that i dont want her going in to nursery again, but i feel useless when it comes to the money side of things!

I need to find something that i can do where i dont need to put our daughter in to nursery or could do from home to make some money....i just want to contribute something!!
Happy

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6 replies since 26th January 2011 • Last reply 26th January 2011

You are contributing. It would cost a lot to do all the work you do at homee. Just because it is unpaid doesn't make it less valuable. If you were paid to care for your child and home it would come to a lot of cash.
Children always pick up bugs and colds when they start going out of their home. It's normal for them to have snotty noses. That's how they build up their immunity to bugs.
Maybe the nursery wasn't the one for her. My daughter screamed and carried on when I first took her to nursery and it tore at my heart strings. The nursery nurse told me to hide and look through the window. Within 5mins the little so and so was building bricks and playing with the other kids! Children learn very quickly how to push our buttons and like us they are sometimes scared of change. I would have a look round what childcare is available, even ask if you can sit in for a few sessions so that your daughter can see that you trust the nursery too. Sometimes we unwittingly show our concerns and kids pick it up.
Nursery is also a good way of introducing children to other people and environments and sets them up for school. It teaches them life skills like sharing and fairness and friendship as well as developing language.
If a nursery really won't work out consider going to a mums and toddler group so you both are not isolated. You could consider working from home but most of the stuff I have seen is envelope filling. I'm not sure what other home working stuff is available. As for the job seekers allowance would your entitlement be re-instated if you went for a few job interviews? Just a thought Happy

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I agree with Sheila- you're valuable in your home and nurseries aren't bad for your children just because the first one wasn't the right one. She pointed out all the great reasons why going to a nursery is important for a child's growth and development.

Wanting to protect your child is natural (and dads seem to feel this especially when they have daughters I've noticed) but your kid isn't going to break just because she goes to daycare. She won’t become emotionally scarred because her mommy took her to a daycare. A big part of protecting your child is teaching them to be independent. Your child should not scream like that whenever mommy is out of the room. Giving into your child whenever she cries will only spoil her and not allowing her time away from her parents will disable her.

Per example: my mum works at a preschool with a child who never plays with any of the kids. He stands by her no matter where she goes. When she goes to the bathroom- he waits outside the door for her to come out. This is a huge development problem that resulted because he never had any interaction with other children.

I also imagine that you’re at your wits end staying at home every day and not having any interaction with other adults. That’s super tough when your world doesn’t expand outside of your house. I know how that is all too well as I’ve also been out of work and my main set back is also transpiration.

I think you know that working is important to you but you let your partner convince you that you should stay home for your child. That isn’t right or fair to either of you. You need to explain to him that staying at home all day without any interaction with others is bad for you, your daughter and your relationship.

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There are lots of arguments for and against being a stay at home mum, and lots of issues raised here.
I loved working, then moved onto a new phase and loved being a stay at home mum...although I always made sure that my kids had penty of social interaction and enjoyable ( for both parent and child) activities, and that's really important. I think whatever you do you should persevere with nursery, try to find a better one like Sheila suggested, or find a mother and toddler group in your area. My kids have left school now, but still have close friends that they made at nursery or playgroup.
But the main drawback is always money, or I should say a lack of it.
If you check out this site:http://www.findextrawork.co.uk/ you may find something that you can do just now from home.
I have done some mystery shopping and paid surveys, and also earned some money looking after pets...it's worth a try and also it's quite enjoyable, and might help you out a bit financially until your daughter starts school.
I also have a sister in law who has become a childminder...she works from her own home. She stared doing this so that she could be at home with her daughter, as when she was working so was having to pay out most her wages for childcare...so maybe that's an option worth looking into?

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i also think the above comments are very good and useful. what are you good at doing? can you bake or make anything? if you are good at selling things have you tried Avon taking catalogs round you can take your daughter too? i hope things work out for you.
Neeta

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i tried avon about a year ago, hardly any money in it :/ need loads of orders for even smallest commission (and this was at xmas time too!!) i can kindabake but not to the standards where i could sell anything!! might see ifi can sell any of the things i make...

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Have you got a relative you could leave your daughter with for a few hours if you got a cleaning job or something? most are early evening and you would only be gone 2-3 hours. Maybe something like that is more suitable.

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