Hopeless

I've been in and out of the psychiatric hospital. Just when I think I'm okay I'm not and all the hope goes out of the window when I'm in the depths of depression again and the suicidal thoughts never stay at bay for long and lurk in the back of my mind. I take my meds,try to keep busy,get out of the house exercise.

I've lost all interest,desire, and motivation. i don't play my guitar anymore,listen to music,make things,sell them,or talk to my friends. I try to push my self to do them but while I'm doing these things I don't feel anything but despair.

I'm fighting and fighting this depression but I feel like I'm losing and I'll end up being another sad story.

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5 replies since 27th February 2010 • Last reply 27th February 2010

Hi Lakesha
Mood is transient and changes with many things. Hold onto the thoughts that make you feel good. Have a look at the 'depression' post on the board. You are not alone and there are lots of experiences that CO&K members have shared. Hope some of the posts will help. Every day may be a battle and every day think 'Today I won'. Keep living one day at a time. Maybe you need to have your meds re-assessed as it sounds like they may not suit you. Talk to your GP or your surgery nurse. Please don't suffer in silence.
Peace & blessings x

click on 'see all' in the bottom right corner of the board box and it will list other posts

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Lakesha we are thinking of you and wish you well.I am aware that you are in the US and that health care teams work differently here.Remember finding a way is hard but with support, time and understanding these difficult times will ease.

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Lakesha, I think what Sheila put is good advice - you battle on and win each day. When I've been at my worst I've struggled to get off the sofa so please don't be too hard on yourself for not doing all the things you used to do. Maybe these things are too much right now and you need to try much smaller things. One of the things I used to do was make myself up a very simple diary sheet with the day at the top and I'd try and right down 3 positive things I'd done. By this I don't mean the everyday stuff I used to do, but smaller scale stuff like picked up prescription, washed hair, took dry clothes of airer, posted a letter..... Also try and remember that a mental illness is every bit as serious and exhausting as a physical one. You therefore won't necessarily have the energy to do the things you did when you were well. Also I find when I'm bad it very difficult to talk face to face or on the phone so I used my mobile to text people and chatted to people online or via forums like this. This is no less valid as chatting face to face, its just using another medium.
In the UK we have Crisis Teams to support people when they are discharged from hospital or on leave or at risk of being hospitalised. That means that people have someone visit them potentially several times a day if needs be to check in with how they are coping. They also link in with a psychiatrist and can tweak medication with minimum fuss. Do you have anything like that in the US?

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Arty KitKat is right about the daily diary. I found it helped to keep lists. For each week I would write down the days and fill in what I had to do. At first it would be things like 'wash' & 'clean teeth' 'get milk' 'feed cats'. Simple stuff that I used to find difficult to remember. If say you have a doctors appointment write it down in a diary then fit it into your list. Ticking thinks off gives you a feeling of control over your life and helps to keep a routine which helps you to get better. Eventually you won't need list. It takes time and I found it really helped when I felt I didn't have choices or control over even the simplest things, that made me feel comfortable.

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thanks guys.

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