getting over it

how do you get over someone? what do you guys do? yesterday i finally found out a guy i like/liked (soon to be likeD) did like me, but a year ago, but doesnt any more. i was pretty much ready to move on since we hadnt talked in ages and i knew it wouldnt work, but i did like him for about 3 years. i feel pretty OK at the moment tbh, but i just want to make sure i dont fall into the trap of rethinking everything over and over and regretting things ive said and done years back, like i have before. i just wanted to know how do you get over things like that?

ps. i have discovered that leaving all the groups and de-fanning myself from pages on facebook helps, i must have left about 50 already.. all those stupid lovey dovey ones i used to join!

so how do you all get over things? i will steal your ideas... Happy

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14 replies since 24th February 2010 • Last reply 24th February 2010

Time. That's all I can say.

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I agree with Tara, time...yep. Looks like you have learnt a lot about yourself and others. Take strength from that x

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I'm not really over any of my ex boyfriends, so I'm no help. I might not still want to be with them, but I'm still hurt over things that they did to me, or regret what I did, or miss them. But for me, at some point I forced myself to snap out of it, cause it wasn't healthy. I have a box at home which is where I keep special things, and I used to have letters from ex boyfriends in there, and whenever I was upset or missed them I'd get out these letters and read them, and that ALWAYS made it worse, cause I'd read this thing about how much they love me and just know it was all bollocks and lies. I ended up tearing up most of them, and it was one of the best things I've ever done for my metal health. I still have some, the ones that don't upset me, but the ritual of getting rid of the lies helped a lot. I suppose it's the same as leaving all your groups =)

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Part of what I used to do was break all ties with the memories of the guy, like cut contact, get rid of anything physical that reminds you of him (gifts etc) then as the rest of them said time. I never really got over Dean (he was the guy I liked for about a year, we never went out - my situation is VERY similar to yours!!! He liked me for a few months then changed his mind etc) I've got over the hardest parts and I hardly ever think about him. He is still on my FB and sometimes I find myself checking his page to see what he's up to and who he;'s talking to. I don't do it so much now though, I don't really feel as much of a need to do it now.

Everyone gets over people at different rates, I agree with Knittin Kitten that you will never entirely get over him, I think that each person we are with or like, we never fully get over because we carry a little part of them with us forever (the mental memories) and the emotions they spark in us and our personality, they can influence who we are or who we become.

Just give yourself time, time will help you get over the worst. Don't expect it to happen overnight though. It took me a good year to get over him properly - a lot of the time I would kid myself into thinking I was over him when I weren't so just be honest with yourself!!

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ok so here it is you will always have regrets sometimes the reason why things dont line up is because they just were not meant 2 to begin with . kind of like you lock your keys in your car and u think its bad because you miss something important and what u dont know is if you hadnt locked your keys in there u would have gotten hit by a bus .this is life driveing yourself crazy trying to get what you think u want will DRIVE YOU CRAZY .what you are supposed 2 have is out there be kind,honest with yourself and others,and if you see a guy u like from now on go do something about it.hope i helped .love love

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There have been a few guys in my past that messed me up for a while, but didn't even know it. One in particular, I really really liked, and I could tell he liked me, our Senior year of high school(when we were 18). We were both emotionally immature and self conscious enough that we couldn't just come right out and say "Hey, I like you. Let's go out." He ended up asking out our other friend, who was in our art class. It made me so mad at him, that I stopped talking to him entirely, for a while. they go on a second date, and I fumbled so much at trying to ask him to Prom, that he thought I'd already asked someone else(long story). So. That really sucked. Then, a few months after we graduated, I had just come from a Harry Potter midnight book release party, in costume no less(SO geeky), and was in a fast food joint at 1 or 2 in the morning, with some friends, and he happened to be there, too. He came over and talked to me, getting his flirt on BIG time, and all the while, I was cold and curt with him, because I was still pissed. So, I screwed up my final chance at actually dating him. Around a year later, I started dating someone else, and married him. I've had dreams about the guy all these years, still. I divorced my husband(he was awful), and have been with my now fiance since August '08. Guess who I'm friends with, now, on Facebook? The guy. For a little while, there were still a few flutters when I'd get a message from him, but it's all settled, now. He's pretty much the same guy as he was then, and I'm a completely different person. We really come from different worlds, so it wouldn't work at all, if we had gotten together. But, the biggest thing is that I'm insanely in love with my fiance, and he came long before the guy. I met and began falling in love with my fiance when we were 13, and the other guy and I met much later. Daniel and I just have so much history, we feel so right together.
That's what time will do. At some point, you'll be able to look back with completely open eyes, and go, "Nope, that wasn't the right guy for me, anyway. I'm going somewhere else, now, and glad for it."

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well, i avoid everything that has to do with him. i break all contact with him, burn the boats behind me so i won't be remembered of him. then, i wait until i'm okay again. it takes a while. a couple months. then i don't feel anything for them anymore. in the time i wait, i feel less confident; how could i've fallen for that idiot! stupid me.... and then i figure out, i learned something to it and accept it happened, but i still think eeyeuww why did i like him? but now, i'm okay with it.

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thankyou everyone for your experiences and advice...

i'm wondering though, is it quite right that literally less than a week later i feel practically fine?!
i think it could be because i was ready to let go of him long before i actually found out he didnt like me, so by then it didnt really matter to me. i guess i had gone off him a bit anyway, he had a new haircut which just wasnt the same and just didnt seem as attractive..

so yeah, i feel pretty much OK about it and am not missing him very much, just thinking whether this was normal? i dont think that i'll suddenly snap one day and get upset or what, because i just feel so calm and over it already. just wondering, because it was pretty quick...?

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friend therapy+chocolate+time.

it took me about 4 years to mostly get over what happened with my ex-fiancee, and i still get emotional about it once in a while (read: when pmsing, drunk+bad mood, or when im reminded that hes still stalking me.)

its all different, depending on each relationship. if you feel like you are fine, then GREAT! :-D

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actually, if you'd kinda accepted it and realized you don't want the guy anymore, the process is practically finished anyways.
i'm glad you're okay^^ you just needed to accept he isn't what you want. done.

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I agree with Suzi, when you said about you hardly having contact with him anyways it sounded like you'd pretty much got over him.
I'm pleased for you, it makes things a lot easier for you.

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thankyou! ^^ i'm pleased i took it so well, and kind of surprised as well to be honest. Happy i do see him around at school like, but not actually talking even if we are in the same class for one subject, and i'm just not that bothered about him any more, luckily!

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lucky you!
btw, D. turns out to be nice. still have to ask why he was so annoying though =P)

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yay Happy aah, thats good. Happy hmm guys are just like that sometimes. btw i didnt finish the m and o story, because to be honest this was the end of it^^^.. didnt turn out particularly great but oh well at least i learnt for next time. Happy

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