HELP!!!

I dont know what to do! one of my friends is in a very serious emotional abuse issue, but i cant get her to believe me, because of a prior hatred of the guy. Its a friend of mine from elementary school, and she's going out with my boyfriend's stepbrother (im sure you all have gotten that i detest that man) but now he has her so "cowed" that she's even afraid to drink a beer if he isn't already drunk. Or talk to me! Because he hates me to, so gets raging at her when ever she even talks to me (or if i talk to her!)

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13 replies since 23rd March 2008 • Last reply 23rd March 2008

Oh god, that's horrible =S I'm not even sure what you can do in that situation, you run the risk of making things worse between them. Is it any use talking to your boyfriend?

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I have, and he doesn't know what to do either, and some of her other friends. Problem is she has made it clear that she thinks he is the best guy ever (but like, he makes her cry a lot, and she's a tough one!). But because boyfriend hates his stepbrother to he might not be taken seriously either, though I'm thinking about talking to my boyfriend's stepdad (the abuser's father) and seeing what he can do. Problem is that boyfriend's stepbrother hates his father (because the stepdad is far prouder of my boyfriend than the stepbrother, but there is a really easy way to say that makes sense). We are keeping an eye on her, because a lot of her friends want a real reason to kick the stepbrothers ass, but because emitonal abuse is such a complicated matter, its harder to get that "real" reason.

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Yeah it's one of those things where it would almost be easier if he just hit her. But as it is there isn't a whole lot you can do...

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Ya, if he'd hit her i could get everyone after him in a heart beat (And convince my boyfriend to kick him out!) and i know i cant do much Happy which is making it worse. She's sooo depressed, and she use to be sooo happy all the time.

Here is how cruel he is to her:

Last night, after she spent four hours at the hospital for ribs that are swollen and aching because of phenomena, she made him a simple dinner (chicken and pasta from a box) and he got mad at her for not being more creative with HIS dinner. And ask her if she even bothers trying with him, or is he not good enough for her royal highness (she spent the rest of the evening crying)

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That's awful! it's worse that even though he's hurting her she can't see it or get away! I don't know what to say other than I hope it gets better.

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Ya i know, and with emotional abuse it can take years for it to come bad enough for the victim to hit the road (or sometimes the dirt) and she's really nice and should have such a better guy (like a guy like mine, just NOT mine, i hoard him) i wish i knew more really nice guys her age i could introduce her to Happy

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My friend has been in a relationship for 3 years with this guy until now, it never got that bad but they always argued and he was always telling her she should wear other things and dye her hair dark she's with someone else now and I'm so happy for her so I know what you mean. I still have no idea what to suggest for your friend Happy

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My dad really emotionally abuses my mum. He always calls her fat and ugly and old, all stuff I think any woman gets upset about, and he blames her for his health problems. He's got heart problems because he eats too much and if she puts too much salt in something he tells her she's trying to kill him which is obviously a really horrible thing to say, but if she doesn't give him enough food he accuses her of eating it all herself (she's like, a size fourteen? And he's almost clinically obese).

I know how horrible it is to see that kind of thing, but it's also really hard to stop it because the abuser works by making the victim feel like it's their fault and playing on their insecurities.

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ya, and its not like physical abuse where people who witness it can point it out. Unless the victim comes forth, no one can do anything about it. Because words, though they hurt, don't leave physical signs. So i can't get the police involve unless he hit her, or she gets to the point she is physically hurting herself over it! Because if that happens i can have him removed from her, and she will be pissed. But, im at a lost on what to do. She's such a good friend, and she's already has had a horrid life she doesn't deserver it. And she's not allowed to talk to me, my boyfriend, or anyone that says that she need to get help and get away from him.

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My mum lost all her self esteem and confidence because of my dad, he never hit or or said horible things to her (until they broke up) but he was just never that good to her, always in moods and blamed her for stuff, they broke up because he had an affair, which was awful at the time but the best thing that could have happened even though I wish both me and my mum could tell him everything that he's made us feel.

I can sort of understand your friends situation, I had a break down and was depressed and paranoid in school because of bullying, but because the bullying had actually stopped they didn't understand why I wouldn't go into school and stuff.

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Ya, she cries so much lately (though right now we are having a BLAST making easter cookies, bird baskets, and eggies that we are painting. Yep, its fun)

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I think that all you can really do for now is try to be her friend (when you can). She's obviously not going to listen to you if you badmouth him so don't, just be a mate and let her know that she can talk to you

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Ya. I'm going to try and curb my bad talk about him. Though its hard, there are so many things wrong with him..

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