Sad D:

Alright, so off the bat, I'll just tell you the jist and you can deciede if you want to read further.

A 3 year old girl was diagnosted with Leukemia, and less than a week later [when she was getting better and stronger] she died.



So the longer story is.... [and it IS a long story, as mine usually are]. WHen i was a freshman in highschool, I became friends with a girl, Rachel, and she introduced me to her friends, Jacob, Nick, and DJ [DJ whom I had known previously, which was cool]. Rachel was dating Jacob, and I ended up hanging out with them alot. They were all SO SO SO FUNNY and incredibly interesting and individuals and intelligent.... they were just amazing people Happy

So Rachel and jacob ended up breaking up, and I didn't really hang out with Jacob or Nick any longer [but I dated DJ 3 times, so I still talked to him]. I talked to Jacob over the yeras through Myspace and we've hung out a couple of times, but just recently [around 2 or 3 weeks ago] Jacob and Nick [and some of their other friends] wanted to hang out with me again, so I go, and it was a fun day! Nick and Jacob and Jacob's girlfriend, Becca, are pretty damn amazing [but their other two friends didn't really like me] and I could tell from just those couple of hours HOW MUCH Nick really loves his sister.

The subject somehow got to scorpions and I asked why Nick didn't like scorpions, and he said "because I have a three year old sister", like because they could hurt her, which was really sweet. And just small things like that.

Nick's had pretty much a HORRIBLE life. I'm not supposed to know this, but DJ ended up telling me a secret of Nick's, which was that when he was younger, he was raped by some guy a few times, and then he went and applied for a job a while ago, and the manager was the guy who raped him. A couple of other things as well, that just... it sucks, and he is still a really nice guy!


So I'm not sure how, but on myspace, our conversation turned to his sister, and it turns out that he just found out she got Leukemia. A week later, she was supposed to come home from the hospital, and I see his status on myspace is "wants his baby sister back - crushed", so I figure something went wrong and she couldn't come home from the hospital that day, so I ask, and he responds, so horribly, that ... she was home for a few hours and then she started vomiting up blood. They took her to the emergency room and they said she was going into shock. Her heard stopped and they tried to revive her for an hour and a half, but by the time they stopped, she was already going cold...

He ... he sounded so crushed... like she was the most precious thing he had in his life, the one thing he loved so much... Ally, a three year old little girl...


And OF COURSE, I feel bad for him, as ANYBODY would, and its horrible.... but I start crying uncontrolably and I feel literal pain, my heartbreaking, its unbearable, and I don't understand why.

I've never met this little girl, and I didn't know her name till I found out she was gone, and it feels like I LOST HER... and I don't know why.

I've always been incredibly sympathetic and empathetic... but this is so much more than that. It hurts just as much, if not more, than when my friend Brandon died.

I can't understand WHY it hurts so much, it STILL hurts me and i just don't get it. Its so confusing. Its like... I'm feeling [not fully, obviously, because... I wouldn't be able to live] but partially what Nick is feeling... it just hurts SO MUCH and I can't stop it.

I just hope he's ok. I said all that I would say, tried as hard as I could to do anything I could, but... I don't know how he is.

I barely really know him, but I still care about him, and I'm not sure if he is the person that would kill themselves or not...


I just.... it doesn't make sense. I've heard of my friends having people they love dying, and I'm sad, and sometimes I cry in certain situations.... but NEVER NEVER NEVER this intense, this heartbreaking... horrible.

Has anyone ever felt like that? Inexplicably?

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8 replies since 22nd September 2008 • Last reply 22nd September 2008

shitty! send him my prays!

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woah, that's harsh, hope you and your friend both feel better eventually. That's all so sad....

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this has made me feel really sad Happy hope they can manage to deal with it

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I'm so sorry honey =( I know what you mean though, when that boy in my college died I just cried uncontrollably and I felt silly because I never met him, I'd never even heard his name before. I think that's the thing about life - we have to forget all that horrible stuff about people dying, and this is so much worse because a child dies and there's no way we can think about that all the time. Which is why when we realise these things happen, we freak out and can barely comprehend it. It's perfectly normal. It's like crying when someone dies on TV - like a release. Tim cried like a baby when someone on Six Feet Under died (obviously not just anyone, that would be every episode!). I suppose it's a release thing. Or maybe just a crippling, overwhelming realisation that we're all gonna die.

...I'm not helping

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Or maybe just the fact that we empathize with it, although in a film or book you start to really love the characters and stuff so it's like you knew them. My grandad dying had a very odd effect on me, I didn't see him much as I got older but it was like i knew he was here like i felt his presence and now he's gone and it's just very odd, I'm an adult but my cousins are all under 13 and missed out really. I think that was because it was a sign of how fast things had gone, I'm not scared of dying, i accept I will die but it feels like it comes to quickly. We must be able to push things out or we'd never be happy. I think the reason it's hard to understand is because we don't really know what happens, so it's also scary, it's very odd how a person was here and then isn't.

But yeh sorry Happy

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No, Knittin', You actually did help. I think thats it, why I feel so horrible. Its like... the realization that stuff like this does happen, and its so horrible... its so incredibly overwhelming...

I'm talking to Nick's best friend, Gwen, who i've never met, because she moved to california, but i've talked to a few times.

She is so angry about this... apparently the doctors accidentally pumped a blood coagulent into her system, and THATS why she died. I don't know if she would have died or not if they haddn't given it to her, but she is SO ANGRY and so sad, and its hard to talk to her, only because I see how much pain she is in, and I can't help but try to imagine the pain HE MUST be in, and... its enveloping. Not the warm, fuzzy, cozy envelope of a blanket or big snuggly jacket, ,but the cold chill that runs through your entire body. Its so... overwhelming. There is no other word.

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When a friend died in Year 9 (13/14 years old) I only remember crying about her death (apart from at the funeral and when I got annoyed at our school for saying we shouldnt all go to the funeral) when I found out that it was the hospitals fault, they hadn't fed her properly and stuff, she got an infection and everything failed Happy We found out in the local paper that her step dad commited suicide a few years later Happy I feel so sorry for her mum and imagine that she just feels lost and I would love to see her and just say I'm thinking of you and your daughter still after all this time. That's what they just need, to know there's someone who will listen.

I know what you mean about overwhelming, you just don't know what to do.

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My grandma died unfairly too, she went into the hospital for a broken hip which she should only have been in six weeks for, but she obviously got an infection (we think it may have been MRSA, but it was before the scare started) and was in there a year before she died.

That's horrible about the little girl though, you couldn't even go like "Well it was her time to go" or anything, because it was the doctors fault. I know I'd be furious!

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