Help me write a fundraising letter!

Some of you might know about my trip to Honduras next summer (I'm losing track of who I've told and who I haven't haha), and how it's going to cost me an arm and a leg. So anyway, to raise money I'm planning on making and selling jewellery. But being a poor student means I don't have much money to spend on materials and stuff Happy. So I'm writing a letter to pretty much eveyr bead company I can think of asking for donations haha.
Soooo I need help with writing me letter. Here's what I've got so far. Anything I can add in/change round/leave out altogether? Be honest people, I need this letter to be as good as poss.!



[address and date and all that bumph goes here]

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Isobel and I am a second year student at Strode’s College, Egham. To complement my Biology A level course, in summer 2009 I, along with 23 other students, will be taking part in a two week expedition to Honduras, Central America with Operation Wallacea.

Our expedition will take place in Cusuco National Park, in the rainforest and cloud forest. In our first week, we will be taking the role of General Surveyors, which involves helping to sample and collect data about different species of animals and plants in the forest. The data we collect will be used to monitor biodiversity, which is a vital part of maintaining the ecosystems and conserving the forest. In our second week, we will be completing the PADI open water dive training course, and there will also be the opportunity for us to take part in a reef ecology course in the sea around the coast.
For more information on our expedition, please visit www.opwall.com.
I am passionate about animals and the environment, so this trip is a very exciting opportunity. I am also planning on studying Zoology at university starting from September this year, so this expedition will complement not only my A level course this year, but my degree level course as well.

Before we leave for Honduras, we are aiming to raise enough funds to cover a large part of the expedition costs, which we have estimated to be £46,000 for the group with an individual cost of approximately £2000. In April 2008, we completed a 10 mile sponsored walk around Virginia Water, Surrey. From this walk, we raised over £2000 towards our expedition fund. Since then we have also completed a Krispy Kreme doughnut sale at college, raising us £300, and we are carrying out weekly car washes of staff and student’s cars, with £5 being raised for every car washed. However, this only goes a short way towards achieving our target cost.

For the trip to be a success, we all need to try and raise money as individuals, not just as a group. For my contribution I am planning to make and sell jewellery. I am going to make basic earrings, bracelets, necklaces and small beaded keyrings. This is where I would be very grateful if you could help. I am asking for any donation of materials that you many be able to give me. This would be gratefully received, as it will allow me to keep my costs down and raise as much profit to go towards my expedition as possible. In the past I have been complimented on jewellery I have made, so I am sure that materials you donate to me would be put to good use and admired by many people. Any donations would be very much appreciated, as this is a very special opportunity for me so I need as much help as I can to raise the money I need, and this help comes from generous people such as yourselves.

Thank you in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Isobel

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3 replies since 25th November 2008 • Last reply 25th November 2008

it seems to be in good order to me, why not put posters up in your uni?

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Happy A little editing and rewording if you want to have my advice....

"For the trip to be a success, we all need to contribute by raising funds individually, in addition to our group efforts. For my contribution, I plan to make and sell jewellery, including basic earrings, bracelets, necklaces and small beaded keyrings. This is where your assistance would be most gratefully accepted. I am asking for any donation of materials that you may be able to contribute for me. This will allow me to keep my expenses down and raise as much as possible towards the costs of my expedition. In the past I have been complimented on my handmade jewellery, so I assure you that any materials you donate to me would be put to good use, and would add to the quality of my resulting pieces! Any donations would be very much appreciated, as this is an amazing opportunity for me, and I need as much help as I can to raise the necessary funds. This help comes from generous people such as yourselves."

I took out some repeated words, changed a few sentences a bit, and took out some repetitiveness that didn't need to be there. Simplified a little bit... and added a compliment (the quality bit) to sweeten them up a bit. Happy You expressed gratitude and appreciation and thanks in every other sentence *grins* so I edited that a little too. I used the word accepted in there, because it kindof works as a bit of a subconscious "assumption" that they're GOING to do what you're asking. I worked in active sales for 2 years so... I tried to put a little of that to work for you there. lol. Hope I'm helpful. There were one or two grammar and/or spelling edits too but I don't remember offhand lol. They may even have been in words that I removed...? Um... ok well. I hope that helps, and good luck!

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Thank you for the help Mama Zoe Happy. I added that bit into my letter and I sent it off to a bunch of places, so now fingers crossed that I hear back from somewhere!

Michelle, most people at college already know about the trip as they see us out car washing every week and we did the doughnut sale in the main corridor that near enough everyone walks down haha.

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