i don't know what to do....

Can't be bothered writing the whole story but yesterday out of the blue, an ex of my fiance told him she thinks he's the father of her 6year old daughter.

We have no idea what to do for the best, this ex is a proper bike so it could potentially be a number of peoples. If we get a DNA then she could in theory claim child support form us ( we haven't any money ourselves so it could ruin us) but if we dont then we don't know if it is his. Plus we have our own daughter to think about (i know this sounds selfish).
She is a very manipulative person so honestly don't know if she's telling the truth or not...i mean why wait over 6 years!

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27 replies since 25th March 2011 • Last reply 25th March 2011

Reply #1:

its true, why wait. But if she wants to get Child support from him, tell her that she has to pay for the DNA test. They are pricey-so she probley back down, also bluff and say you got a lawyer.

do a background check on her, is she employed? living arrangements..reasons that she wants this to happen.

also look into legal aid, explain the situation, ex out of the blue-hey your my baby daddy. they can often just shoot this down before it even happens.

if you can prove that she had multi of partners, and is not going after any of those..that could help you

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Reply #2:

http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/

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Reply #3:

Contact the Citizen's Advice right away, they will give you the correct advice.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk
and find your local branch, you can talk to them on phone or in person.

Why is she doing this after 6 years? It may be she is jealous of your relationship, and wants to stir things up.

If she is doing it in the hope of getting money, I think a DNA test is needed..and the chances are high that your fiance is NOT the father. In this case, you will probably need a lawyer. The Citizen's Advice should be able to point you in the direction of one who specialises in family law. The first interview at the lawers is usually free, and they would let you know about legal aid...you wil almost certainly be entitled to legal aid in this case.
If you let her know you are taking legal advice about it, you may find she backs off.

In any event, contact Citizen's Advice NOW!!!

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Reply #4:

How long ago were they together? Was it 7 or more years ago? I'm wondering how well her time-lines are matching up.

But defiantly get legal advice. Nora seems to know exactly where you should go and it sounds like a good idea to follow that. Also I know here in America a father can sign over all rights he has to a child (even without DNA testing) so that he isn’t forced to pay child support or anything like that. If you have anything like that in the UK I suggest you look into it. I know when my parents adopted my little sister, there was a possibility of one man being the father and he signed over all his rights without a DNA test so he wouldn’t get hit with a child abandonment charge. And one of the guys my boyfriend works with signed over the rights to his teenage daughter last year upon her request so she could be adopted by her mother’s new husband.

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Reply #5:

Well, she's recently split up from her Husband, and he brought this kid up as his own, but now-apparantly, he's saying he's gonna tell the kid she's not his??! Her husband was quite well off and think she got a house out of him when they split up. She doesn't work either.
All of this came about the other day after she saw my fiance in the park with our daughter (she had her other daughter with her).

Thing is she really is a sl** there's only 1 of my fiances mates she hasn't actually slept with (and thats out of 8 or 9 of them) so god knows how many potential fathers there really is.

@ Nora: Citizens advice sound a good idea, My MIL thinks we should just "forget it!" not really something you can forget about really.

@Pinkweeds: i'm not sure if the signing over rights is the same in this counrty, suppose if i went to Citizens advice they'd be able to tell us. And the timing we're not too sure, as we don't know when the kids birthday is. Basically he was in Thailand until the end of September that year, then met me NYE so there's only like a month where it could've been him, but until we know her birthday we can't figure that out either.

I could do without this stress tbh! got enough things we're fighing people over!!

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Reply #6:

I would still go the legal route, good luck

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Reply #7:

I think she's most probably just looking for attention and money now that her and her husband split. She just wants to get money out of people and I think that's why she's accusing your fiance. She has no proof though, and if she wants to do a DNA test, make her pay for it because she's the one who stirred things up now after 6 years. I agree with the others though, get legal advice on it, they'll help you through it

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Reply #8:

Yeah think we'll go Citizens Advice, we don't know enough about the legal side. Also i looked up signing over rights but apparantly you can't do that in this country.

I just can't believe how care free someone can be about things that affect peoples lives, it's madness.

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Reply #9:

Wait a minute!!!! You have a daughter also, if this were your situation, how do you think your baby would feel if her dad (asuming she is his)did nothing for her!!!!!! I understand the problem is jealousy for the other woman, but regardless of what a piece of work she might be, regardless of how many men she slept with, the kid, deserves the truth. If you do a DNA not only will you solve this puzzle, but if she turns out to be his, your child benefits from having a sibling who will probably love her and keep her company all of her life. Do make the woman pay for the DNA since there are other possible 'fathers' but don't turn your back on this child, please!!!!!

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Reply #10:

Diana B: I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place as i woudn't lie to my child about their father for 6 years.

I'm not jealous at all of his Ex, and she's said that she doesn't want her child to know that her ex-husband isn't her real father, so what can we really do? Even if the DNA test is done, the child already has who she knows as her Daddy.

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Reply #11:

Diana, thats not the issue. The issue is that he may not be the father and this woman is trying to get support payment from him.

They have a family, they can't afford these payments. But if he is the father, I beilve Claire and her family would step up.

But like Clair said, the other man is her father, she grew up with him. Thats her dad, even if its not biological

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Reply #12:

We've been talking to her and her ex-husband ~(who is her non biological dad) and decided that Ben will take the DNA test and then when the results are back we'll discuss it further. Her non bio dad loves her to bits and doesn't want her to know he's not her real dad, but Ben said if she's his then he wants to get to know her even if it's just as 'one of mummy's friends' type thing. Luckily at the moment everyone is acting civil and grown up (which isn't always the case looking at people on Jeremy Kyle!!) and hopefully this wont be the end of the world as i thought originally!!

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Reply #13:

Oh and she is paying for the DNA test too

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Reply #14:

well thats good, as long as everyone is civil. But how are you holding up?

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