A rant and plea for relationship advice >.<

I met this guy -Who will be called caleb as a code name- back in my sophmore year. I knew about him and heard pretty bad things about him. Like he does drugs and is really stupid.So I didn't bother with him.

Until.....I officially met him at a arcade lock in. He stole my chair and offered his lap. Since I was with my friends, I knew i was safe. We shared a blanket, talked, played games and was pretty cool with each other.

After that, we started talking more. Talking almost every day. And almost every day he had asked me out. But at that time,i was actually getting out of a horrible relationship and I didnt want to deal with all the feelings again. Im the type of person who is really affectionate to both friends and people i would be dating....almost like a little kitten =^_^= But he kept convincing me that not all relationships are bad,and that I could love again and feel something even greater next time. Or with him. (hint hint...advertising...)

About 5 months later, after constant asking out. He stopped, but he didnt stop talking to me. And I decided to ask him out. He said yes, and I thought I would never feel happier.

here comes issue one : he got kicked out of school because of drugs. his mom didnt trust him much after that. and his work scheduel was all out there.

I delt with that, and he delt with my constant lockdown (because of my dad) and my traveling when he wanted to see me the most durning breaks, since my parents are divorced and I now have a step dad and little brother along with my bio sister.

Our summer away from each other was both a little depressing but romantic in some light.Facebooking all night at different hours and texting during the day. and calling somewhere in between.

And as soon as I got home, the next day I got to see him and we cuddled at my house. then i would see him a few week s after that and we hung out in the woods somewhere.

I dont really care that he does drugs, cause I know he's getting help. he's pretty smart and has a job already. He's working on getting a car too....

issue number 2 : he stopped getting on facebook and messaging me (even though my internet isnt really present), he didnt call or text me as often as usual, before his phone got turned off (and isnt going to get it turned back on, because of the car) and it's almost like he's forgotten about me.

Our friends would ask me how we were doing and I couldn't answer that...only with a meh. and when they would message him, which is rare, he'd tell them the whole story and give me a one liner. He claims he's deeply in love with me and I feel that way too. but its almost eating me away at the forever aloneness that Im feeling.

I constantly debate with myself to either break up or keep him. if I break up, no more hurt. But we've been though a lot. his dad dying, my dads anger issue....his moms issues...its a lot. And my friends arent helping. They said breakup when I asked him out. So theyre out of the equation.

he's forgotten my birthday, and holidays.....and today is our official 1st anniverary....since I dont do the crappy month-averaries...

This kitty is crying cause of this sometimes. Can anyone help Kenny the kitty out? >.<

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6 replies since 8th May 2013 • Last reply 8th May 2013

You know what! I am 26 I am getting divorced.

I happened to meet my friend's Brother-in-law, ok. This guy is 33 he is getting divorced for the 2nd time and it is alleged that he has been a member of dating sights, and even had women to go to as soon as these relationships ended.
I just happened to be at my friend's house on the week he was back in town from this seperation form his 2nd wiffe...... for whatever reason we hit it off! I mean talking all night, driving to the orchard to be alone and drink wine and eat pizza. Then all of a sudden my friend and her husband, and his sister-in-law and brother he lives with (because he is also going to federal prison) all freaked out that we were seeing each other, now he is all weird and does exactly what your guy is doing... I say don't trust it. I told my guy that I don't even want to have sex with him because that requires more commitment than that. I think I may actually be done and bored with him.
You sound young, so think like this, You are a young woman and you have the goods. If someone wants it they have to work for it, you know why!? Because otherwise you will get bored, aren't you bored? Drop the boring guy and look for the guy that is exciting that you can see and do things with. AND try the guy you maybe would have to think about firt, he might be the right one.
Remember to give love a chance, that shy guy is probably best, and keep your goods to yourself if the a-hole isn't paying for it, in heart, mind, money, and spirit. P.S. screw off the funny work schedule! thats B.S.

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@Krista: that scenerio sounds just like the night that we met, oddly enough. And like, I totally agree with you about the work schedule being complete BS. It can't be that tight of a schedule, thats like against policies....i think. But I know his other ex girlfriends -which I happen to be friends with- and they tell me nothing but the truth. When i asked them why they broke up in the past, it was either he was to clingy, or he wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes. And I have no problem with that. Those are actually traits that make me attracted to some guys.

but, along the lines of trying another guy...I'm just left stuck a maybe/maybe not mindset. We actually share secrets with each other, and stopped each other from doing something stupid or horrible. Besides, I'm they type of girl who builds walls, and racks up her defenses. But he tore them down. And if I just go and drop something i know, all my walls and defenses just go back up again....so..like...meh i guess

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I hear you on the walls going up. It sucks so much, all the work to get get them down and bam! something stupid builds them right back up! I get impatient and just block myself from "wating" and I get so miserable.
If his ex's say he was clingy he may like you and be trying to be "cool" and be aloof. Stupid men! they are so the real drama queens! Everything is always fine till THEY act weird... right?
Sometimes when you love someone, which I love my guy, because we have been through so much "judgeable" stuff we are "perfect" for eachother. (Bonnie and Clyde two lowly criminals)
I must say though, I took my own advice and really just started being bored with thing, and it seems to be turning around. We are going out today and have been talking very well to eachother, and our insecurities are at bay. maybe time and patience are key.

I hope this guy is really good to you and makes you feel special, that is so important!

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Druggies have personal issues that they should really work through before getting anyone else involved. Add that to long distance, lack of consideration, family issues and I say its probably not good for either of you.

Maybe you two do love each other and would be good together but it sounds like he needs to get cleaned up (physically and emotionally) first. Oh and don't get sucked in because you like the idea of "saving" each other - people can't be happy in relationships unless their happy with themselves first... That probably goes for you as well and might be why your having so much trouble with guys.

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This sounds similar to a few relationships I've had in the past...& none of them ended well. So I can only offer you some advice & food for thought.
1) I've had relationships with 2 "druggies". Both only cared about the drugs in the end, more then anything, including me. Even if they didnt do it often at all & were getting professional help, they still didnt treat ME the way they should have. Why? Bc drug addicts are not prepared to take care of anything/anybody until they take care of themselves first & their habit. Sure they were good, loving people, that i loved to be with, but a drug habit is a nasty disease & always gets in the way.
2) I've also been in a lot of relationships where communication has completely died, & you feel alone in the relationship. They all also ended badly. Im not gonna sugar-coat it ....If he's not communicating or putting forth the effort to communicate with you, he honestly doesn't want to. Maybe not bc he doesn't like you, but bc his life is WAY too messed up/hectic to deal with having a girlfriend right now. He also might not be as "involved" in the relationship as you are, & is not as serious about it anymore. Sometimes guys try desperately to find a girlfriend, then once they have one, throw them away...Thinking their girl will always be there waiting. These relationships always tore me apart, bc they all said they loved me & treated me well, but never talked to me or cared about my needs after a time. So I had to do what was best for me, & find someone better & more committed.
So basically I think it's time to let him go. But i dont know u 2, so youll have to just follow your heart & head & do what is best for YOU. If you don't want to hurt him or end it badly... Just take a "break" from the relationship & Stay good friends. Maybe in the future, when he's more settled, you can start being with eachother again. ...or not. I'm still good friends with one of the "uncommunicative" guys. Lol we talk about everything, but i realized we'd never work out as partners.

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Emmy and Dark ash. You guys are right. Especially about the drug issues... and drinking! haha.
It suck when this kind of thing happens!!! Especially when your best friends brother-in-law has to be the fucked up one.... awkward!!! They are all going to see fiddler on the roof... am I invited now...probably not because he will be there and how awkward... he helped to keep me from being involved with my friend's family... which I already was, It's like I knew this would happen... ahhh suck up the pride and be humiliated.... that's all us ladies can do.... right.

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