Anxiety

Ok, so I tend to go on and on about things I'm worried about but it's not just a bit worried it's always a lot worried. When I was 10, my parents split up. My dad would come back and then leave again and my mum would have to tell me why. The times when he was back and I got home from school, if his car wasnt here then I'd freak out when he was just at work! When I was 14/15 I had a breakdown really. Bullies had made me so anxious and paranoid because they used to pick on everything I did and everything about me and would say things that would make me more paranoid like someone said something about me or whatever. I would walk around thinking everyone was laughing at me and walk with my head down watching my feet. I started to feel the same everywhere and I still do it now but it's never as bad but still happening. So I think it's down to that time, lots of things I should have said back but didn't. But there was no way of stopping my 'break down' because I wasn't aware that it was effecting me that way until I hit rock bottom.

I left college last year to go into working with animals and I was anxious at college because I didn't know if art was what I wanted to do. Then I was anxious that I needed a job and needed some way of getting into working with animals. So that side of things is sorted as most of you know with this course coming up. But then I worry about money, finding a job for now, finding a job as a dog groomer, relationships etc I question how I feel about things even when there's always a part of me that knows everything is alright. So what's up with me and how do I sort it!!!?

There is a place I can go to that gave me counsilling before, I just don't know if I could deal with bringing everything back up in detail when it's happened and that's it. So I just don't know how to fix it. It gets me really down.

thanks for reading xxx