It's nothing personal. You're an embarrassment.
My boyfriend wanted stockings, so I made one for me, him, his mother, and our cat and dog. They are really, really, really easy. And would have only taken me ten minutes to make if I had a sewing machine.
I only used 1/4 of a yard for each stocking and found a fabric remnant that was a little bit more than a fourth for the little stockings.