Would you stop doing that, PLEASE??!!

Ok, so I need to rant a little.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now. Everything is going fine and we're talking about getting married and buying a house and having a family and all that jazz.
There's this girl, though, who's really annoying me. I usually love all of my boyfriend's friends, and he loves mine, because we have a really similar personality. A present I've never found a person he liked that I didn't like... except this girl.
She's 23, so a lot younger than us (we're both turning 30 this year). She's very pretty and she always has plenty of admirers who would kill for a date with her. She's also very flighty - one day she loves a boy, the day after she doesn't anymore; one day she wants to live in London, another day in New York, another day she wants to stay here. She's very shallow and that's probably the thing that annoys me most - I can't build a conversation merely on makeup, dresses, TV series and jewellery, it's just not me.
My boyfriend, though, seems to think she's the cutest and most adorable girl in the world. I don't know what she does to men, but it seems to work on him also. Last year he was even tempted to leave me for her, because - and I quote - "he had fallen in love with her". Luckily it didn't lasted long. But, after just a few months, they started seeing each other and going out again, because he claimed he was over it (and I believe him).
Last week, she started posting pictures of naked women on his Facebook profile and commenting them. She's texting him at all hours, especially at night, and he's answering her. She also said she's afraid of me because "I hate her".
I really would like to tell this girl I don't hate her, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S TRYING EVERYTHING THAT SHE CAN TO MAKE ME. She's just incredibly, terribly and absolutely annoying. I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend that says "me or her" because, let's face it, there's no game: even for a person with a poor self-esteem like me, I'm SO much more than she is. She's just a little brat who can't make up her mind on what she really wants and works in her mother's business because she failed at everything she tried, including university. She claims she doesn't need a job or an education because she's going to marry a rich man and be a kept woman for her entire life. I mean, seriously.
This girl is no real threat to me, that I know. Not in a million years. She's just pushing me over every possible edge. And anyway, I have to learn how to deal with her because her and my boyfriend are so intimate. I have tried talking to her, but she's so shallow I'd have a better conversation with a saucer of milk. I'm at the end of my tether, I'm trying not to snap at her but it's really hard, especially because when we are together she seems to get along very well with my boyfriend while I feel left out.

End of rant. Help please!

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3 replies since 18th March 2012 • Last reply 18th March 2012

Tell your man exactly how you feel. And maybe tell the girl that she needs to grow up and stop acting like a 13-year-old.

If someone was acting like that around me, I'd tell them to knock it the hell off.

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I've told him countless times, but he says he likes her as a friend and doesn't want to give up on her, no matter how that makes me feel.

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I see the problem as the guy more then the girl. (I'm sorry to say)

Any guy should know its hard for a girlfriend to see him friends with someone like that, especially one he used to have a relationship with. If it was just a casual friendship it wouldn't be so bad but to have SUCH as close relationship with her I have to call BS.

I think he hangs out with her because he likes how shallow she is - it gives him a kind of escape. Like you said she's much younger, he probably likes the attention she gives him more then anything else. The girl is going to be the way that she is (which sounds very immature) but what I'm worried about is why he's attracted to that kind of person (even if it's just as a friend).

As for advice. I don't really see any subtle, tactful way of handling this so I think you'll have to be direct. Tell him how you feel and what you see. Instead of attacking the person for who they are (the girl or your BF) tell him how the situation appears and how it makes you feel. ex: "I don't know if you intended such-and-such, but this is what I see and it makes me feel ____". Let him know your not threatened by his relationships with others (like you said) but call him out for how this particular one is going.

And if this is totally off the mark please don't be offended and feel free to ignore.

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