Bipolar Disorder & OCD!

so i just need to let this all out, if you yourself suffers with this or know someone who does feel free to add. I HATE having a mental disorder, it may have it's pros such as more creativity, the potential to be very successful, the great effect of mania, and knowing so much at my age, but it definitely has more cons, random depression, being hypersensitive, over reacting to EVERYTHING, crying at least 5 + times a day, throwing and breaking everything in sight, having suspcious thoughts and reacting on your assumptions, constantly asking your boyfriend the same questions every two minutes every second that your together. I love him dearly and I know he's strong since he can put up with me but seriously i cannot live like this forever. I have a psychologist, always getting my meds changed, and i don't know what to do, i don't want to lose hope, the majority of my time is spent on reading books on how to be positive, how to self cure, learning more about these disorders, everything, but i guess i just have to keep trying and wait for the right meds to come along. Sorry if i sound crazy, i know i am, I know i scare a lot of people, but it really does suck being in this situation and knowing sooooo much about life and people at my age. I wish i could have normal emotions, but i guess this is what makes me, me & i need to learn how to embrace it.

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18 replies since 7th May 2011 • Last reply 7th May 2011

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm a queen in convincing myself everthing is fine, that I have a great life and so on. But deep down inside I feel hurt, desperate, lonely and I hate myself. I think I'm to fat, to ugly and to dumb. Sometimes I cry when I get confronted with people who's life seems perfect with a nice job, lovely partner and nice home.
I'm in a mental institution right know to learn how to deal with myself and my problems. I couldn't handle being home alone anymore. I have too much problems. Luckily I found medication wich works pretty good for me. But it still hurts when you can't do everything you would love to. I'm blessed with creativity too and it makes my days better. That's also a reason why I do swaps on CO+K, to make my day a little bit better.

And yes, I'm officially crazy. The psychiatrist says so ;-)

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Throw anorexia into the mix and you've got potential for evil. Trust me, my parents know all about that.

I hate how people tell me I should feel guilty for my mental disorder because "I brought it upon myself" and some people have "serious" illnesses like cancer. That jars me so much.

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thanks to both of you for sharing. Yeah my family keeps saying they should throw me in a mental institution but i told them if they do that it will ruin mine and my boyfriend's relationship and he is the only thing keeping me alive right now, so they ease off. And theres nothing wrong with being crazy, at least we know what it's like to have REAL problems then for the people who complain about having a bad hair day, it's like really? And to Kasia don't listen to ANYONE who bad talks on mental illness, it's so stupid really, having anorexia, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, honestly any diorder is just as severe as having cancer. Because honestly you can die from the pain of it as well. People are just very ignorant to mental illnesses, they just think you're crazy, they weren't in the events that you made you this way or they weren't born this way. It's a sickness and some can be fixed and others can't, just hold your head up high and be proud of who you are because you are stronger than all the people that haven't been what you're going through because if they were placed in your shoes, they sure as hell wouldn't survive. And i'm not saying that about everyone just to the people who talk smack on mental illnesses.

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I suffer from chronic depression and extreme delusion to the extent where I can remember stuff that never happened to me and can lie to myself about things without realizing. It's difficult sometimes because people don't ever understand things like this unless they also go through it.

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About being Proud, this song was made to promote a website for people with an eating disorder but I also like it. Especially to scream: 'Why can't you see you can say I'm proud to be me?'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiC50opEaMI

And Kasia, I'm sad that you aren't Dutch because I know an amazing positive song about anorexia. The woman sings at the end of the song the folowing (I tried to translate it as good as possible:

And what as we do now that I was your food
Would you still say that you don't have to
Don't you think you would try a little bite of me
A bite of love
A spoon of courage
To firmly chew on
A whole plate of security
And pounds of confidence

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I suffer from depression as well
dont hate it. It makes it worst. Accept it and understand it


I take meds for it, I don't have therapy anymore, because I moved to a rural area. sometimes it acts up, sometimes I am good

I am thinking that I might travel up to the town(45 min away) to see a doc, but its so expensive. sigh.

but I find talking it out here helps.

its a great community here. Happy

althought the last few weeks it has been acting up, need to go back to my doc. see about the meds

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WOAH! hold up

Yeah my family keeps saying they should throw me in a mental institution

say wa! you need support. If they family doesn't help there are groups out there that can help.

My parents tell me its all in my head. But its not. and I do think that if I get another bout of serious depression, I will check myself into a mental health facity.

Last time my depression got bad I tried killing myself. Yup I got that bad.

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I have been in a mental institution 2 times. I have had all these problems since I was 6 years old and they only got worse with all the things that happened to me in my life.I still fight it..even on meds and no one to talk to.My Daughter has always been with me all her life we still are together, she has problems to.I have found with me its my faith that helps me more than any thing, faith that God will bring me out of it.Im much better than I was 10 years ago.
Im not on all the medication I was on then either, thank the lord..but I do cry all the time and I have a compulsion to be very clean ,funny how messyness dosnt bother me, that is because Im a messy crafter, I use to be very manic, but the medication stopped that.I use to try to hurt my self all the time.God stopped that..smile.Its sometimes as hard to go to bed as it is to get up in the morning, but I have a friend on here that told me to wake up and smile, no matter what, and it has helped me.I think of her and all she goes thru and she said smile.God bless you all , my prayers are with you and I know how you feel, I have been like this all my life, its not been easy .NO not at all.Im not glad you are all having problems, but Im glad Im not alone in my loneliness.Hugs to you all..SMILE

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I dont know what caused my problem, just what made them worse, I had polio when I was a baby, and had to be put in a crippled children's hospital at 6, I just know they wouldnt let me say bye to my parents and I thought they had left me there because of my problems.I was there 1/2 a year, without seeing them.I thought they hated me and got rid of me..I think I had problems before that, but that was bad took 6 nurses to catch me and they put me in a straight jacket and tied me to a bed, that is enough to start any child off with mental problems..

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i'm glad everyone is letting out what they have here. i agree this is a very good community. i've attempted suicide about 5 times but have never been put in a hospital and i'm lucky i'm still here and alive. i know i've got this due to my family. My mom along with other family members had bipolar disorder, some of my family suffered from anxiety and depression and others schizophrenia. i know i just need to find the right meds and develop some coping skills, but it's easier said then done. i'm the type of person that wants to get everything done at once and it's very hard for me to just try to live day by day but it's what i must do, i also need to try to focus on the positive rather than the negative even if i get knocked back down, i can't lose hope now.

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Hey, I've had Panic disorder now for 10 years, trust me these things get better with time. I've had every pill and every treatment they could try and could be cured. At my worst when it first started I didn't leave the house for about 2 months. I think I just gradually got used to it and also learnt things to make me feel better, for exampole if I go to the cinema, I sit on an isle seat.

Even though I still have attacks, I have learnt that even though I feel horrible,it always passes and that helps me live a normal life.

Also, never listen to what other people are saying, they havent experienced what you are feeling so they can't judge!

Little miss - glad your focussing on the positive - it's the best way to do it Happy And trust me it will get better!!

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* mistake: I could not be cured.

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hey I suffer with bi polar too, recently was sectioned which was HORRIBLE. I've heard some very hurtful things like teen pregnancy its the latest must have fashon because alot of tv shows are making mental illness more aware so it isnt still classed as a taboo. I'm proud to say ive got it, Makes me one strong person to be able to battle out such a serious illness. Some people may call me crazy or a loon, I call myself intresting. always look to the positives thats all u can do Happy x

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I tell people I suffer from mental illness, its not contagious and people need to know that we are no second class citizens

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