statutory rape..

i know someone who is 21 and was in a sexual relationship with a 16 year old girl..

they just broke up last week, but i have a feeling they will be back together.. they broke up like 2 weeks before this brake up and got back together..

this really bothers me.. i looked up the laws and it said "Sexual assault is sexual penetration with a victim between age 13 and 16 when the actor is at least four years older." and it said he could get 5 to 10 years in prison for it..

i told him when they first started out that it was statutory rape, and it was wrong.. he didnt care.. im just really bothered my the whole thing :/

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24 replies since 16th March 2011 • Last reply 16th March 2011

I know what it feels like. One of my best friends got together with a girl who is eleven years his minor, and when they first got together she was 16 and he was 27. Luckily everything turned out for the best, now they're 22 and 33, married and very happy together. So the happy outcome isn't excluded completely.

I can see their breaking up and getting back together thing upsetting you, but thing is, even if it sounds really bad, if they (and everybody around them) keep really quiet about the girl not really being the right age, everything is going to be fine. These things happen - not every day, but they happen.

How many times you've seen your friends drinking and driving? I bet a lot of times. They're breaking the law too, and risking a lot of trouble - even their own lives. But people keep on doing it even after they've been caught. Unluckily, people do things that are against the law everyday. After you've told him/them this isn't right, you don't feel comfortable with them doing that, and that you don't agree with their behaviour, what else are you supposed to do? Go to the police? You're not doing that if they're friends of yours, are you? So it's basically up to them. They know they're breaking the law - you told them. If they decide to keep on with it, then they decide to face any consequence it might bring.

So keep your mind at ease and think for the best - they might just end up breaking up for good, finding new partners and forgetting about it, or staying together for a long while, have children and live happily ever after. You never know ;)

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In the UK, a 16 year old in an adult relationship is legal.

I find it a bit odd when countries have very high ages of consent (like 21 for example). They tend to branch from the days of parents deciding who you married (and - creepily- back then being too young to give consent meant they could MAKE you marry, not that you couldn't have an adult relationship).

Nowadays it should be for protection from predators, for that I think 16 or 18 (a time when women are developed and whilst not fully adult, not kids anymore) is an appropriate age for the age of consent. i say women because in many countries the age only applies to females- again based in marriage laws from byegone times.

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I hope nothing happens to your friend. But maybe it will work out in the end, but if they are one of those couples that break up every other week, he should definitely move on. But depending on what state you live in 16 might be the age of consent. But I can see how you are worried, I would be to if it was one of my friends.

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Three years ago I was in a relationship with a guy who was five years older than me. My dad found out that we were sleeping together and took him to court for the exact thing you're worried about happening with your friend, but he knew people in high places and didn't go to jail. We also had an on-off relationship the whole time: he's break up with me, then a week or two later we'd be back together. He also used to hit me and abuse me sexually. This went on for about 8 months until I saw how stupid I was and finally got the guts to break up with him. I'm really glad I saw what it was doing to me and got out of it, it's made me a much stronger person.

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I don't know where you are from, but in America 16 is the legal age of consent so it would not be statutory rape.
I understand you’re creeped out by it but I don’t see that being a huge age difference or a huge problem. I just can’t imagine what a 21 year old could possibly find to do with a 16 year old. It was difficult for me and my boyfriend to find stuff to do when we first started dating (he was 22 and I was 18). It’s not like he can take her to a bar or clubbing, or like they can really hang out with his friends. He probably gets crap from his friends and family for dating a girl so young. In the end, nothing will probably come of it. Most people don’t marry their high school sweethearts. In fact, only 1 in 100 people do and only 1 in 3 of those marriages makes it past the first year.

Don’t make a huge deal out of it. More than likely this guy your friend is dating has the maturity level of a 16 year old boy and probably won’t grow out of it any time soon. Girls' mature faster so she'll probably outgrow him before he outgrows himself.

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the guys not my friend, hes my boyfriends friend.. he does seem to be a little slow.. the girl treats him like dirt.. i do live in America.. im in nj, and the law here says

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crap.. it posted when i wasnt dont lol
anyway.. the law say sexual penetration with a person between the age 13 and 16 when the other person is at least four years older is statutory rape and he could be put in jail for 5 to 10 years....

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i know none of it is my problem, its just bothers me to see a adult in a sexual relationship with a child...

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As to a child in a sexual relationship with a child? That bothers me to no end when I think of children having sexual relationships since neither of them are mature enough to understand what it is they are really doing or what those consequences really entail.

No no, I think you need to just let it rest as it is. If her parent's don't have an issue with it than why should you? It's her parent's job to protect her and prevent her from doing things like this and clearly they are alright with this choice.

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i never said i was going to do something O.o
its not my place.. all i said is it bothers me that a grown man is having sex with a little girl... she lives with her grandparents and as far as i know from what they told me, her grandparents dont want her with him, so she told them they were not together, when they were..
this board says issues+rants, and i am ranting about something that has been bothering me for sometime now, and i thought posting about it would

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what the hell? why does it keep posting before im done >.<
i thought posting about what is bothering me would make me feel better about it or something..........

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It is a rant board, but everyone likes to throw in their advice and 'two cents.' Tongue

5 years? Could definitely be worse.

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Your friend just needs to be careful is all. If you ever see any signs of abuse, report it to someone you can trust as well as to your friend's grandparents since she lives with them.

I know people who started dating "adults" that were 7 years older than they were when they were around 16 or 17. I know a lot of the East Coast states have an age of consent at 16 where you can have sexual relations with someone as long as they're not more than 4 years older than you. 18 is when someone can do whatever/whoever they want that's their age or older.

My fiance is 4 years older than I am and we started dating right after I turned 17 and he turned 21.

There's usually nothing to worry about as long as the relationship is mutual and there isn't any abuse going on. But if your friend treats her boyfriend like dirt, she's escalating her risk of being abused verbally, sexually, and physically in other ways.

It might work out and it might not. If your girl friend is immature now, she'll likely completely end her relationship with the guy who's 5 years older than she is and maybe start to date someone in her own age group at some point.

All it takes is time for people to realize on their own that something isn't right.

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When I was 16 I started dating a guy who was 8 years older then I. We stayed together and married and had two kids, we divorced later and he has nothing to do with his kids and only pays support when forced, it took 6 years to get the first payment. During the relationship I learned he lied about being married to another woman in another state and having a child, he had a dishonorable discharge from military, had been in a psych ward for suicide attempt. He cheated on me when I was pregnant.He became abusive to me and mentally to the childern until I grew the balls to leave not knowing how we'd end up becuase during the relationship he convinced me via abuse to quit high school then told my family it was my fault only. I could never hold down a job because he wouldn't care for the kids while I was there. Luckily my family knew what I didn't at the time and hated him and supported my change. Since I have a a great husband, three more kids, and almost a BSBA. It took way too much for me to grow and gain the strength to be myself and free from his influence. He found a woman 11 yrs younger to weave into his new web of lies. I hope it ends better for her too. Warnings are all we can give. Life has to learned by being lived! My advice be there for her, keep an eye out for signs of abuse and help when she opens her eyes. In my experience it is a sign of doom when a considerably older man wants a younger impressionable girl.

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