OMG Girls Like This Driving Me Insane!
I have a friend, that I've known for over 10 years. Not a good friend, but a friend. He is dating this insane girl that he moved to freaking Texas for. I suspect the only thing she has going for her- is she's pretty. But she's also insanely jealous.
He and his girlfriend are really big into cosplay and I found a picture of him randomly on DA that someone had taken of him. I found it really funny and did a random search for his main cosplay character and ended up finding tons of pictures of him on DA- all by girls who thought he was super "dreamy". I found it super hilarious and commented on a few of them that I new the kid and that girls seem to always find him so cute.
Several months later I get an e-mail from her, where I kid you not- the first sentance was "I am so-and-so's girlfriend" -- I think that's enough of an explanation of the tone of her e-mail.
I started off writing a really nasty e-mail back, stopped- thought about it, deleted it and took the high road by writing a friendly, non-threatening letter. She took ever freaking chance to turn my words around.
Then a few months ago a muteral friend between me and the guy passed away and I sent him a message on facebook asking him to contact me and gave him my number. We talked, he asked about her behavior towards me- he remarked that she is insanly jealous of every girl and things everyone is trying to get with him. I found that seriously laughable- because as good looking as the dude is- he isn't a catch.
So the other day I was looking at old yearbook pictures and I came across his freshman picture and posted a comment on his fb about it. He responded, wanting me to post it. I told him I liked his old hair better than the current "emo-indie" look he's been doing. And what do you think? She felt the need to put her two cents in a conversation that had NOTHING to do with her. Saying that his hair wasn't "emo-indie" it was blank character that he cosplays. My response was that he wasn't a cartoon character and she pulled some stupid crap out of her ass that she was joking- but it wasn't a freaking joke! Then she said that he was going to delete the messages because it was "getting weird" I just responded by saying it wasn't me who made it that way.
This girl really gets under my skin because any time a girl posts ANYTHING on his facebook page she comments on it. I have to keep telling myself that she's super young and stupid to try to keep myself from putting her in her place. I'm at the point where, my friend knows he's dating a chick who doesn't trust him- but he is still dating her, and I wonder why I bother being friends with someone whose girlfriend won't allow him to be friends with me. I swear, when he called me so I could tell him about our friend passing away, he had to wait until she wasn't home. Yea- its that bad. God save me from ever being that crazy PLEASE!
Ok Rant over. Just had to get that one off my chest.
lol Sorry but I'm the kind of crazy jealous gal. I've had way too many guys cheat on me so I have this innate fear that it's just going to happen again. Kind of glad my husband is anti-social, he doesn't know many women.
Unless he really loves the gal he won't be with her forever.
I agree with Abbyka. When it's happened to you so many times no matter how much you like or love someone there will always be some kind of mistrust. Yeah its a jar. I'm jealous but like instead of staying with the person i push them away instead saves me and others getting hurt. But yeah the point im getting to is maybe she has a few trust issues that she cant help. I'm not saying that her telling your friend he cant talk to you is right cos its not. Trust me its horrible my partner was like that like i couldn't talk to certain people. >.<
Have you spoken to him about it like look, yunno your my mate and weather your with someone or not it shouldn't come between us that's not what friendship is about ect . Not like over board cos that's what my friends did to me when i was in your mates situation just say look as much as you "love" your girlfriend or whatever is it really worth losing friends and having arguments over. Like as bad as it sounds. Your friends are always going to be there for you where as there isn't that hundred percent chance your partner will especially when you are young.
I'm sorry if that was very very very long and didn't make sense haha. Its just i had a experience like both ur mate and your mates girlfriend so i can see from both sides haha. And also very sorry if it sounds like absolute waffle XD
I get annoyed by jealousy too, but from a different perspective, cuz my boyfriend gets jealous quite easily. Don't get me wrong, he's not like overly so, I can talk to ther guys, but just when there's something that could be seen as flirting he just gets worried. He think's I'm too good for him, which could be the same with the girl? Quite a lot of the guys I'm friends with now have liked me in the past, so I can see why he would be jealous even though he has no reason to... You say the guy is good looking, so maybe she just thinks he will leave her if something better comes along? Like you said, he is probably only with her because she is pretty, so he could leave her any minute if he finds someone who is funny, smart etc and understands and trusts him better.. Xxx
My boyfriend is also the jealous type, but it has cooled down over the years. But I have to admit I'm a little jealous, but I have reasons. Things have happened in our relationship that just kinda sucked the trust out of me. But the only reason I get a little jealous is because he still talks to his ex-girlfriends and even though he told me nothing is going to happen again, sometimes I can't help but wonder, you know? At least I don't facebook stalk someone I live with. That's just a little crazy.
Hey. It sounds like you're doing the right thing - just trying your best to keep things civil! I would speak to your friend about this. Just tell him that it's getting really uncomfortable... This girl obviously has nothing to worry about if he moved to another state to be with her! Once she grows up a bit, she will probably be really embarrased at how clingy she was being! You're doing really well - I can imagine how tempting it would be to give her a piece of your mind... I salute your restraint and sense of diplomacy ^^
I think jealousy is silly. I mean, yes of course I get jealous every now and then but still. I've been with my boy almost two years, and neither of us is jealous.
I personally believe that if somebody gets jealousy that easily that they don't really trust their partner. I trust him with everything, and even if he's hanging out with a girl who i consider prettier then me, I'm still fine with it. Because I trust him.
That chick needs to be kicked to the curb. That must jealousy is really unhealthy in a relationship.
^ Of course I don't have any trust in my partner, I have no trust in men period. Or women for that matter. When you've had a boyfriend sleep with your best friend you tend to lose faith in people and suspect the worst forever more. My husband KNOWS that I have this issue and is fine with it. Luckily, like I said, he's not a social person so I never get jealous with him.
People lie and people screw up no matter how nice you think they are. Even my husband screwed up big time with me and I've had a hard time forgiving him of it(it's not sex related, it's drug related). I'm a very pessimistic person and I just don't trust any fellow human being.
I get that all the time - most girlfriends don't trust me around their boyfriends, which pisses me off because I wouldn't do anything, and I have a boyfriend anyway!
It sucks but at the end of the day, you can't be friends with someone it's a constant battle with. It sounds harsh but if he's in this incredibly destructive relationship, you kinda have to leave him to it. You can be there to pick up the pieces if/when it finishes, but if it's causing you stress to be friends with him, I'd just leave it.
I've had a similar situation recently where I've received threats from a girl because I chat to her boyfriend at work - she hacked into his Facebook, sent me abusive messages then deleted me, then memorised my number so if I text him she'll know. She keeps pretending to be him and flirting with me to see if I'll flirt back. And I just can't be arsed any more. He's not happy with her but he's not gonna do anything about it and I'm not risking getting hurt. ESPECIALLY now he's started using me as a scapegoat - I didn't talk to him for two weeks, then out of the blue got a text saying "Please leave me alone, I'm not interested." Apparently he's been telling her that I'm still talking to him! So I just told him to delete my number and not get in contact with me any more.
If I was like that I just wouldn't get into a relationship with anyone. If you're that jealous, you're not happy, and you're making someone else miserable. I know where people are coming from, I've been cheated on quite a few times but you can't lump everyone in together. I'm glad that me and my boyfriend trust each other - obviously it's not implicit, and we get jealous and sometimes remind each other in a jokey way "You'd better not sleep with him/her or I'll kill you!" but we're a lot happier this way.
My thoughts on this go with both Abbyka and Jessi.
If She dosn't 100 percent whole heartly have compleate confindence in herself she will NEVER ever be able to in another person. She might not trust him becaus she feels worthless. Which isnt healthy at all. A realitionship needs love & trust to work. That girl deff dosnt have it yet. Also, if she really loved him she would want him happy, and her not letting him keep in contact with friends isnt very nice thing to do. I mean its the phone and facebook! nothing can happen over the phone. I mean that can talk but if he truly loves her nothing will be talked about.
@abbyka my ex of 4 years had that screw up wit me aswell. And even though my husband dosn't do any of the things he did everyy once in a while i wonder just out of habat!! I am very lucky to have found him cuz he keeps me very happy! , so i understand what u feel
oh, I think it’s perfectly normal and even healthy to get sometimes jealous in a relationship. EVERYONE has trust issues. It's about the level that you take it to. My boyfriend isn't a saint and I've had issues with trust as well. And there have been times where I’ve had to monitor the phone calls and remember certain girls’ phone numbers because they were stalking or harassing him. I mean- come on if a girl shows up at your apartment at 1 in the morning looking for your boyfriend when she was uninvited- what would you do?
No, I think my friend’s girlfriend takes it to a whole new level of crazy. I mean- if you had half a brain, you would know not to make a “joke” to a girl who you’ve previously and repeatedly insulted and accused of being after her boyfriend. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and have no desire to date her boyfriend. He’s a pretty boy, but you have to stop and explain half the things you say to him. I honestly don’t know where she gets her trust issues. She’s a baby! She hasn’t dated anyone else outside of high school! And come on- the guy left his friends, family and fans (he was in a super popular indie band here) for her. What more does she want?
@Abbyka: I understand so much, you have no idea. Before I got together with my boy now, I dated a horrible horrible boy. If I could describe him, it would be the kind of guy your mother prays that you'll never be with. Anywho, It took me 8 months to notice everything. All the abuse (both ways) that I took, plus he cheated on me with COUNTLESS girls. I'd even come over and they'd be in his bed. But me thinking that I loved him and he loved me, he would never do that. WRONG.
It took me so long to be able to trust any boy. But I realized that not everyone is like that. And I was luckily enough to find somebody who understands what I went through.
My best friend (who is a boy) has a girlfriend who doesn't like me. He'll come visit and she'll get all mad and shit. (we live a 2 hour ferry ride away) but I feel bad. We are so much closer then they are together, but she always thinks that i'm goign to steal him away!
I remember when I was young...long ago...
I dated this guy, actually, he was my first boyfriend. We were together for 5 years and engaged (like 4 times, lol) I was really jealous of him! I'd go freaking nuts if he'd just glance at girl. Looking back I realize that I was trying to create reasons to leave him, cause he wasn't really that great of a guy.
He'd introduce me to his friends and family, not as "meet my fiancée, Dessah" but by holding up my ring finger and saying, "Look at MY ring".
Ha! Can't believe it took me 5 years to figure out he was a jerk!
Anyways, what I mean by that is maybe she's not happy with him and is looking for an out???
Or maybe she's just immature and needs time to grow up.
My son's biological father was a jerk too(he's not the one that slept with my best friend but he was much worse). He dumped me more times than I can count so he could go sleep with someone then come crawling back. He would purposefully flirt in front of me or gawk at other girls. Like in the mall he would see a pretty girl and make a show of turning his head quickly and whistling. Then he'd tell me "she's way hotter than you'll ever be". He was always very mentally abusive, I think he might be just as much at fault for my trust issues as the guy that slept with my "best friend".
This jerk tried emailing me a year ago telling me how much he missed me and how sorry he was for abandoning me and our son. I told him to feck off and die. lmao really I think I would throw a party with ice cream cake if he did. ALL NIGHT LONG!
My point is maybe she's already put her heart out there even at her young age(I'm only 26, I got seriously hurt for the first time before my twenties) and got hurt already. Some people can't just say "Oh okay, whatever" and move on. Some people get scarred very easily, like me. My heart bruises easy! She might not be as big of a b*tch as you think, somewhere on the inside she might be in pain. Or maybe you're right and she is one. lol
I don't think being in pain really gives anyone the right to treat people that they don't know that way. Trust me, I'm not the only one of his friend's who she's done this to.
Let me put it this way, no matter who you are- if you comment on his fb wall, or tag him in a photo or say or do anything that in any way, shape or form is connected to his facebook account- she comments about it- in a way that is so negative and mean that it makes his friends cringe.
He once commented that he didn't like the weather on his facebook status and a few people from his hometown commented on what the weather was like here.- She went off about how everyone is trying to get her boyfriend to move back here in a huge pitty fest. It was really pathetic and no one could comment after that because it was too weird.
I get that you're trying to logicalize it- perhaps because you see something in her that reminds you of yourself- but I don't think you are as untrusting of your husband as you let yourself believe. You may feel insecure in yourself- but you don't feel insecure in him. And this girl is not insecure- she's just crazy. She knows that her boyfriend had literally hundreds of fans back home and that most of them were girls with massive crushes on him. I don't think she can tell the difference between fan and friend with him.
We'd love to know what you think - Leave your reply right away