My boyfriend's mom is driving me bonkers!!!

First I just want to say that I don't hate his mom and I, in fact, think that she is a wonderful person. She is super super nice and I'm grateful for her letting me live in her house. BUT she just does things that drive me nuts.

Okay, now she is only at the house about two times a week I'd say. She works full time and when she's not working she is usually at her boyfriend's house. So, me and my boyfriend basically live alone, but when she is here she does all these little things that just drive me nuts.

One: She almost always says something about how dirty the house is. Now, I don't have a job, so I stay at home(IT SUCKS!!). I clean almost every day. Do dishes, do laundry, fold clothes, put away all the clothes, clean up after the cat and dog, clean up the messes everyone else leaves. And trust me when she is home she makes messes.

Two: The messes she makes sometimes are ridiculous! I mean even when she is here it's only for a few hours at most! It just boggles my mind. Like when she cooks it seems she manages to use every dish in the house and then she just leaves them gross and crusty in sink.

Three: She takes like a million showers when she is here. Okay this one may seem stupid, but it just irks me because she uses WAAAAY too much shampoo and junk when she takes a shower and most of it is mine. I get really anal when it comes to my stuff. Plus, she takes a shower before she goes to bed(understandable) AND one when she gets up in the morning. I have no idea why, but that's why it bugs me because she uses up all my stuff.

Four: She always complains about our dyer, but we have told her about five times that she packs it way too full and she washes towels and clothes and undies all together and expects them to dry with one spin through the dryer.

Five: She feeds my boyfriend's dog EVERYTHING. I'm not joking. One time we were doing dishes and she tried to give her ice cream. My boyfriend stopped her. And she recently told us she was giving our cat some of the dog's wet food!! Oh, I was pissed, but I didn't say anything. He did and he almost kinda yelled at her about it because he was mad too.

Six: She never eats my cooking. I make supper every night unless we go out with my parents or my boyfriend's sister and her kids. But when I cook and she is home she always chooses junk food instead of my cooking. It doesn't really make me mad, just kinda bothers me. But the only time I ever see her eat something other than junk food is when we do go out to eat.

So, I think that's it. Just a rant because every time I say something to my boyfriend he always tells me to tell her, but I can't do that. That would be dumb. I just needed to get this crap off my chest.

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26 replies since 16th October 2010 • Last reply 16th October 2010

Phew, that sounds... annoying. Funny thing is, my mom had a lot of these problems with my dad's mom, too. ( Just that this woman also tried to give advice about the bedroom *caugh caugh caugh* )

Mess problem: My mom does that ranting thing too since my brother and me moved out. It's a mom-thing I guess. And yes, it can be totally frustrating, especially if you're a non-messy person. Try to ignore it.
About leaving stuff in the sink, well, I would probably get angry about that. Let HER do the dishes from time to time. If she doesn't even consider doing it, that's pretty b*tchy... You're not her chambermaid.

I guess it is HER house? Well, that makes esp. the shampoo thing a bit problematic. You can't - and shouldn't - tell her to leave your stuff alone.
I would do the following: Buy some random shampoo and leave it in the bathroom and take your beloved stuff away. And don't let her see it. Seriously. I would go MAD. ^^
If you manage to get a shampoo she likes, you might even smoothen the waves a bit. ;)

About the cat and dog food, THIS is something you should tell her. Just make it obvious that pets need healthy food. And do it with a concerned look, so no "What the heck are you doing" but rather "I'm worried about the cat".

The cooking thing... I personally would see this as a rejection gesture, but of course you can't be sure about that. But be advised, a stepmom that is -always- and -completely- enthusiastic about the french fries you threw in the oven isn't so cool either. Makes me feel... weird... ^^

Be strong dear, and try to stay on her good side.
There ARE much worse women out there.
( Just as a sidenote, my cousins stepmom had a key to their house and would come over whenever she wanted. She even walked in on my cousin taking a shower and just stayed in the bathroom, bragging about how the poor girl had to raise her son. Yay... )

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I have a similar tiff with my boyfriend's grandmother- although I think she's insane.

She gets upset if I cover up with a blanket- but I'm anemic and I get cold easily. I'm actually not allowed to put a blanket on in her house.

My boyfriend has tried talking to her about how unreasonable she's being or that the way she treats me is upsetting me, they argue and in the end she wins because its her house.

We've been together for 6 years and she used to be really cool with me, but last year we took a break and I moved out after he pulled a Ross Geller. She doesn't know what went sour in our relationship but I guess she blames me because its easier to do that.

Its tough on me because I don't have any grandparents and I've been reluctant to become attached to his, but once I did Grandma decided she didn't like me anymore. It's like a kick in the face.

So I get your frustration. The shampoo thing would drive me insane! I'd lock my shampoos up in my room when she comes home so she can't use them.

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Oh....I can't help with some of the stuff, but I can give a little advice:

When I lived with my mom, it was almost the same story, only she was home all day and made a constant mess all day long, then expected me to clean up after her because I left (ONE) glass on the table or something, so that automatically made the whole house my mess...

I couldn't really say anything, or do anything else because I had to remember that no matter what, it was HER house and I was NOT paying rent...so no matter how frustrating, she was still doing me a favor by keeping a roof over my head.

BUT I did solve the bathroom supply issue. She would even use my toothbrush! Anyways, go to town and get you a little plastic shower caddy. Mine had a handle and little compartments for stuff like shampoo, toothbrush, etc. You can probably find one in the cleaning isle (with the other plastic bins and stuff) I just put all my things in it and carried it in and out of the bath whenever I took a shower. I'd put it away in my room when I was done.

Maybe that helps one problem! lol

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, mine kind of looked like this:
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/dessahkristene/0008978640052_500X500.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

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Wow. Haha. Sorry i shouldn't laugh at all but your partners mum is exactly how my mum was when me and my partner were living at her house. Like we would tidy from top to bottom yet the house was never clean , cos she would then make a mess...and ask us to tidy it...and when we refused... we were "being lazy" or "not pulling our weight" and to be fair to me..i was pregnant at the time :| and i was always in my room yet my partner and i were supposedly lazy and did nothing for her ect.
I know how you feel, even if it was my own mother. Like you love them to pieces but like there is so much you can take when you help out as much as you can and you get nothing but stick from it. Pretty much sucks. Maybe you should say something...like don't go overboard or anything but like you are living there too and it shouldnt come to a point where you hit insanity cos your partners mum seems like a control-F. xxx

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I unfortunately do dislike my mother in law. A lot. She's rude! Everytime I talk to her she acts like she doesn't hear me. I know she can, she isn't deaf. Plus I haven't forgiven her for giving my daughter a sip of beer when she was a year old.

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Oh yeah, I also did live with the witch for a year. I got pregnant quickly and we hid it from her for MONTHS. And when we finally told her she sounded disappointed. Just because her other son doesn't raise his kids right and has the brats from hell doesn't mean our baby would be(she is a bit of a brat but not nearly as bad as the niece and nephew).

The woman NEVER went grocery shopping. After a while we finally managed to get food stamps so we started buying food. But my husband's jackass brother also lived there and would eat everything. We had to buy a mini fridge and left it in our room.

My disgusting brother in law would walk around the house without a shirt, stinking of cigs, booze, and BO all the time. And his pregnant girlfriend lived with him in his nasty little corner of the house(filthy just like him). She was no better. She was a thief too. When I got pregnant I packed away my nice clothes that were too small and put it in the basement. When we moved I made sure we got everything. While unpacking I noticed several things missing and a pair of underwear of mine(the naughty crotchless kind) was torn to shreds as if someone too fat to wear them tried to squeeze into them but ripped them. The one thing that ticked me off the most was the dress I wore when I got married was gone. Still haven't found it to this day. Very upset about that.

I had the same issue about shampoo with her too. I had to hide my stuff in my room and just bring it out when I was using it. She had the nerve to leave me a note when someone was using her razor blaming me. She said it was "caked in hair" and that her legs are "never that hairy". Basically saying I'm a Sasquatch. Sorry but it wasn't me, (insert expletive here)!! I don't shave during the winter because my skin is sensitive!

Sorry for the hijack.... lmao

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I think we either love them or hate them. Fortunately my partners mum was there for me we stayed there for while. She bought me all my maternity clothing and fed me and also wouldn't let me tidy up ;p
My mum on the other hand was the crazybean. I remember her video camera went missing and she blamed it on my other half. Just like everything else that went missing. How embarrassed was she when she found the camera in the storage cupboard :| XD

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WOW- I seriously appreciate my mother in law now Happy We lived with her and my father in law for a year and a half.
Mom was great! It was the sister that drove me bonkers! She is the only girl and doesn't like any of her 3 sister in laws. She is polite...but rude...Does that make sense? When we moved into our townhome i remarked that I forgot dishsoap and she said of course since i hadn't done dishes in a year. Hmm, She seems to forget that while her mom is a clean freak I made sure our living arrangements were up to par and did the dishes whenever I got the chance. I just talked with my mom who also had the same issue and it really helped to just ignore her. My mother in law doesn't really eat my cooking but I think that's just because she's so "healthy" she did eat my lentil soup Happy
Oh and I learned a very important lesson to not talk with my m-i-l like she's my mom cause whatever I tell her or they overhear gets spread all around the family..Esp. embarrassing stuff.

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btw abbyka that's nasty your bro in laws girl tried on your undies! Eww. Why would they want to wear someones undies? Esp the naughty ones? haha maybe she DID like you ;)

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The brother in law cheated on her so she's no longer with him. I don't have to put up with her anymore. LOL

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As much as I hate cheating, it sounds like she would drive people away...

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Thank you so much for the tips everyone!! I guess I didn't realize how many people actually lived with the in-laws(or soon to be anyway). I just really can't wait to get a place of my own because the house we live in now is very small, but I will have to get a job before we can even consider moving.

And I think stealing other people's clothes is just dumb. Especially undies, that is just plain nasty.

And the leaving one glass on the table therefore you have to clean the whole house sounds just like my dad. As much as I love him, he was kinda sorta one of the reasons I moved out. We used to fight ALL THE TIME, but I'm happy to say that our relationship has improved soooo much.

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UPDATE: One more thing to add to the list. I forgot how bad she spoils my boyfriend's nephews. I know it's almost a law for grandparents to spoil their grandkids, but she does it so bad that the kids are turning into little a-holes when they are with her. Just yesterday it was the middle kid's second birthday and we had a party and everything. We stayed later then everyone else because we usually do. Well the oldest kid was eating a bunch of candy and it was close to supper time so Brandi(boyfriends sister) gave him a piece of gum, then took the candy away. Well he started bawling and yelling and growling(he does this all the time now), but Brandi told him no because they were going to eat supper soon. Well, her mom decided that Jackson should have a piece of candy anyway just so he would stop crying(I think you should NEVER do this with a child because then they will do it ALL THE TIME!!). So as Brandi was going to put the candy in her cupboard her mom started following her and started to try to yank the bag of candy out of her hand!! I could not believe that she was actually doing that. You could tell Brandi was getting pissed and her mom actually ended up ripping the bag so all the candy was all over the floor. Well, Brandi made her pick all of it up and I think Jackson ended up candy-less, but I'm not sure.

I just thought that this was ridiculous that she would do that. I mean, they were struggling for a good two minutes.

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^ Ugh I'm a parent and I hate it when my own mother does that. Thank God she doesn't live near us. But my husband's mother is the same way with the nephew and niece but when it comes to my kids she doesn't do jack squat and she favors my daughter(my son isn't biologically her grandson but still).

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