Sorry about this rant but I need to get it out.
And please excuse any excessive swearing, Okay here it goes.
My nan (mums mum) is a complete and utter controlive, munipulative bitch. My pop (her husband) is a prisnor in his own fucking life and Im sick of her fucking pushing him around. He just had a fucking heart attack when he was on holidays in fucking america (we're australian)and it was his time alone from her, but she rushed over there first flight possible and 'took care' of him. Now she's using having to baby sit him as an excuse, when he can look after himself.
Now, almost 2 months on shes still fucking using him as her fucking excuss.
We (them and my uncles family) were all meant to be meeting up tomorrow. It was meant to be at my place, but shes been working her little head games, and we were trapped before we knew it. Now we're going to their house.. I think. Unless my mum can stand up to her, but I dont see that happening. I dont know why pop just doesnt fucking leave her fat ass. He doesnt love her. She's tearing everyone apart from the inside. Shes like a goddamn spider, by the time we realise what shes got us into, its too late. She gets an idea in her head, and it becomes reality. She's a fucking hypocritical bitch.
Oh, and dont get me started on my uncle and his family.
This is such a shame to hear because family should be your freedom away from the people that play mind games. Unfortunatly though you can't pick your family so unless you disown the family members that annoy you you're pretty much stuck with them.
Perhaps if you talk to your immediate family (parents/siblings etc) about your nan's behaviour. It may be the case that you all individually don't have the courage to talk to your nan about her behaviour but if your immediate family all agrees that you dislike her behaviour then you could talk to your nan about it as a collective unit then you have eachother to back up if she starts getting nasty and picking on someone? Other then that I can't really suggest much.
I know what it's like to have family members you dislike, fortunatly for me the people I tend to dislike are aunts/uncles/cousins on my dad's side and since my parents divorced (when I was 8) I don't see my dad that often and I RARELY see his side of the family!!
Mum, Dad, brother, Pop, Auntie (she hates everyone so its not saying much) and uncle are all fed up with her. It doesnt matter, she'll come crawling back, or black mailing us to come back
Hm. That's a sad thing to have to hear, I'm sorry for you. It doesn't seem like there is much you can do other than to continue ranting on here about it to get it off your chest!!
Well I know what you mean, I have a TOXIC family too. I went by years gritting my teeth every time I had to spend time with them. But now Im married and got my own family so I decide which of them I see (my mom,dad,brothers) and avoid the rest like a plague. I never expressed any dislike for them, Ive never been anything less than polite with the, but somehow they got the idea and its been much better without hearing their hateful comments and unwanted criticism. Maybe you should avoid her, just don't visit, she'll get the hint.
I have an aunt like that and I know how difficult things can be. I think what Maria does is probably the best way round things. Just be polite and keep your distance where ever possible. Thankfully my aunt showed her true colours a few years back and its been easier to keep clear off her since but it can be really tricky when people like this are part of your family. There is extra baggage involved which makes it much harder to keep them at a distance.
Oh I hadn't thought of that...
Melvin I hope this tactic is successful for you. Your options with your family are somewhat limited unfortunatly, so lets hope this works.
I have family like that (on my mum's side) She has 8 siblings so I have a ton of aunts/uncles/cousins and I don't fit in with them at all. Most of them are lying, gossiping, back stabbers. They smile to your face but talk about you behind your back. I know this because every time you get 3 of them together at the same time there are hour-long conversations about other family members or people that we all generally know. They all pretend to be BFFs but they all complain about each other behind their backs. Its like being back in highschool. They also tend to exclude my mum as well as me in anything they do. They'll have a "family get together" and "forget" to call us or they say that they did ask us to come but we never got back to them.
What I do is ignore them when possible and stay quiet when I'm around them. I know not to say anything too personal because BAM it gets blown up and twisted and everyone knows about it. Once when one of my cousins girlfriend got pregnant they said she tricked him by either stopping birth control or messing with condoms to get pregnant to trap him. They put the whole unplanned pregnancy on her and he was the victim. I say it takes two to tango AND if he didn't want kids he should have been more careful himself. So for a couple months everyone would feel her belly and give her tips and tricks to baby care and smile and act all happy while as soon as she leaves they would bitch about her and call her names and blame her. They're so fake it makes me vomit in my mouth. I'm the kind of person that if I don't like you I wont bother with you. I'm not going to hold your hand, braid your hair, and call you my BFF and then as soon as you leave bitch about you.
Sorry about the potty mouth.
I've got aunt's and uncle's like that too. I wonder if it is a big family thing maybe? My dad has like 9 brothers and sisters and the majority of them are the same too, backstabbers etc etc about their other brothers and sisters etc but luckily (like I said) I hardly see my dad therefore I hardly see his brothers and sisters so I don't have to deal with it.
OMG Lo things seem to get blown entirely out of proportion by your family members. It's sad to have family members like that, you lose that sense of connection with them then.
Melvin: It seems like the majority of advice is to ignore the family members that gets your back up - if at all possible.
Im 14, so I have no way out of family gatherings. When Im older, I want to cut her out of my life, but she's married to my pop, which is one of the most amazing people around.
Ah... now that IS a dilemma, even if you were able to aviod her it would make it difficult to see your Pops without seeing her - OUCH!!
Well, if you feel that you and your family can't talk to this woman about her attitude and behaviour, then the answer to this issue will be left to you. The only way I can get through seeing someone annoying and unavoidable is to try thinking positively and think of at least 1 good or nice thing about them (if at all possible) and try keeping that thought in your head.
If you are really concerned about the way you feel she treats your Pops then I would at some point try and have a private word with him, see how she makes your Pops feel and at least you will be able to voice your opinions to a family member too.
Sorry, but that's all I've got to offer at the moment, it seems to be a very delicate situtation...
I think I stopped going to family gatherings when I was around 12, I just used school as an excuse to stay home usually reading
UGH! I just finnished having a looong convo with my brother (who I HATE and I'm not using that word strongly either. He's the root of all evil and it's not a little sibling rivalry thing that you grow out of once you both become mature adults! He's 25 and he still didn't pass high school. In fact he's been out of school since he was 17 and hasn't had a job in 4 years. Oh and he lives at home. Did I mention that 3 years ago he snuck in his girlfriend in the middle of the night with a couple boxes promiced that she would only stay for a week and is still living here? - Of course I'm living as it is the summer and I'm a university student so I'm home) But that's not the point... My mom is like a best friend to be but she pisses me off. She's completely checked out of her life. Not in a deadbeat way but in a way that's like "I'm going to go to work, come home, smile once, and continue being dead inside" She doesn't have a favorite colour, movie, number, animal, food ANYTHING! I ask her what colour do you like and she just shrugs. WHO DOESN'T HAVE A FU*KING FAVORITE COLOUR? I mean everyone has to prefer one over the other! "Who's your favorite musician mom? - Um... I don't know" COME ON ARE YOU A F*CKING MACHINE?!?!
I know your son is a dissapointing asshole who uses you for money, and I know your husband is a mean prick. But I'm trying hard here to make you feel good and the only one you can lash out on is me. Why can't you just do something for yourself for once and do us all a favor by breaking up this lame excuse for a family. I know it sounds weird that a "kid" wants her family to split up but there is just this huge tension ALL THE TIME and I feel like if we would split we would all be happier. I've been holding this impending divorce over my head since I was 5. Do me a fovour and make it happen already. You threatened to leave for years. Why don't you just do it already? Do what makes you happy.
-Lo (the scapegoat)
Sorry for that but I needed to get it out somehow.
Your brother sounds a lot like my uncle, but he's more pathetic. Waaay more pathetic.
Eh stuff it, Im going into a full on rant about his family.
He's a fucking moron. If he wasnt so doped up on drugs all the time, maybe he would have a genuine memory for once. He thinks his waist expanding is fucking funny. It'll be real fucking hilarious when you die, and they cant dig a big enough grave for you and your family will break up because your wife is a crackwhore who doesnt understand a thing about how the world works. but if you just stayed sober for 5 mins you'll see how bad you've failed at raising children. No wonder they have no hope in life. You dont give them what they need. How the fuck are they meant to get it for themselves? You think your so fucking great, when really, your just a pathetic kid, who never grew up.
Yeah.. Sorry if that got confusing.. I kinda changed who I was talking to. One day Ill send that as a letter to him. No more happy families for us.
Hi Melvin. I'm so sorry to hear you are stuck in the middle. It's so difficult at your age. You have adult thoughts that I guess arn't being considered and restrictions because of your age. I had a lot of the issues you have mentioned when I grew up but more with my mother. It took years for me to 'escape' physically and many more to mentally escape. I locked myself away doing crafts so I got something out of my isolation. I think you are so brave to voice your anger. It takes courage to express feelings. I wasn't so brave till I got to my 30's. By then so much damage had been done.
There are so many people on this thread that have given you good advice and caring thoughts. Don't let someones bad behaviour eat you up like I did. If these people were not family you probably wouldn't associate with them. It's ok to tell them calmly that you are not happy with things they say and do. Tell them that's real life and you are not meaning offense, you just disagree. It's hard to say no to family but they have no special rights to treat you like crap.
Family is my 'F' word. I have no contact with mine now and have a great group of friends who I consider family. Good luck for the future. It won't last. Just don't stick your head up too high to hit in any crossfire
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