Its sounds horrible I hope you are able to find a therapist also. Its also still worth keeping an eye out for a hearing voice group. Although Peer Support groups can sometimes be looked down on as not as good as professional help, they appear to be very affective at maintaining stability. Also you are young (I think you said 19??) so having that opportunity to speak with others who have been through what you have been going through but who have managed to find a way of coming out the other end can give real hope. I run an under 30s group at the daycentre I work at and we recently had a workshop on hearing voices where someone from our hearing voices group came and met with those from our U30s group have psychotic symptoms with their illnesses and there seemed to be this huge sigh of relief from one of the group who is really struggling at the moment. He hadn't really spoke to anyone who had been where he is now and seen them come out the other end. Also it gave the group a chance to offload a bit of the guilt (possibly) around some of the things they had done which they thought may have contributed to their illness, like taking street drugs.
I'm so extremely depressed right now. I feel so empty and bored I've been shifting from one thing to another and nothing is able to hold my interest. I try to hold on to a hobby but I quickly lose all enjoyment. I've been getting hospitalized for hurting myself every month for the past 7 months sometimes every week. I say I'm doing okay and not going to hurt myself but once I get depressed again a few hours later it all goes out of the window. I can't even attend school in person without me having a panic attack or psychotic break. Even now that I'm taking online classes it feels like a chore,i don't even want to go to school anymore.
I try to keep my mind busy with crafts music and such but it doesn't help. I try to talk to who I can for the time being but it doesn't help,even taking my medication. After I got out of the hospital it got me somewhat stable but I still wasn't okay. The voices were gone for a bit and my suicidal thoughts were gone for 2 days,but it all just came back. I just feel so hopeless that I'll get better.
I'm really sorry to hear this Maybe you need a longer admission and some more intensive treatment or your meds reviewed. Do you have an appointment with your psychiatrist coming up? Also do you get any other support in the community, eg. a psychiatic nurse or social worker? In the UK we also have an Early Interventions Team that work with 14 - 35 year olds who are suffering with psychosis and we also have a Crisis service which can see people daily or even several times a day. Do you have anything like this? You really seem to be struggling which is so sad to hear Although it seems impossible to believe right now you have a lot of things stacked in your favour - you are young and therefore likely to still have the flexibility to learn new strategies, you also seem to have bags of insight (i.e. you have a good level of self awareness) and you are well motivated (i.e you really want to get well).
Also some I say a lot (so sorry if its getting boring) - you have an illness! By this I mean that these symptoms are not personality flaws or failings on your part, they are symptoms that are part of a complicated illness which the doctors treating you haven't yet got a proper handle on. They will though. They just need to find the right combination of meds and support.
Lakesha, I'm sorry to hear how people aren't taking you seriously. My sister and I have both had severe depression for years and she also has mild paranoid scizophrenia and it wasn't taken seriously for either of us for a long time. One person told my sister she couldn't be depressed because she was lethargic and "depressed people don't sleep much" (never mind the fact that she had insomnia as well as being lethargic!) and I was told by my high school counsellor (as a way to 'comfort' me) that I didn't have any problems, I just "didn't want to cope".
My sister's also had a lot of problems with people thinking her psychosis is just her attention-seeking or exaggerating or making things up and it makes me so angry that people can treat others this way, at the times when they most need help, just because they don't understand (and often would rather not understand). Luckily, she's now got a new health worker who's completely changed her treatment and it's working wonders. Please don't give up because it can get better and it really will be worth all the waiting and trying when it does.
It's so comforting and refreshing to see people talking about this openly and supportively. Thank you, it's made me feel so much better to see how many other people have been through what I'm going through and how supportive everyone is towards each other.
I was just told I have nothing to be depressed about and that depression isn't hard I'm just making it hard. Honestly that just made me feel worse. I hate when people don't understand
What an ignorant and unhelpful thing to say I'm really sorry you were told that. That sounds like it came from someone of the 'old school, stiff upper lip, mustn't let the side down' brigade. Thats such an outdated and, more importantly, wrong way to view depression. Its a REAL illness. It doesn't need to be triggered by one big thing, it could be lots of things and if you are living with voices and other psychotic symptoms I think you must be extremely brave. I'm not the slightest bit surprised you're depressed. Thats a hell of a lot to deal with. Also depression is really hard and really serious. My guess is it kills more people than Cancer. I don't know if thats true but I bet it more than holds its own. Its also worse, in my opinion, than physical illness because it causes you to doubt yourself and almost seems to destroy you from the inside. It can also prevent you from asking for help.
Please feel reassured that no-one here feels like that.
Excuse my language, but depression is a bitch! Anyone who says it's not hard hasn't been through it. How terribly insensitive for someone to say you have nothing to be depressed about. You have a mental illness which is serious and completely real! I'm going to group now 5 days a week to help me get over my current episode and if someone was to say that to anyone in the group they would either be mauled or laughed out of the hospital. Lakesha, if you want to hear my story, my blog is http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com There is also a button on the right hand side of my blog you can click for resource links to organizations that may help you and will take you seriously. You're always in my thoughts my dear. <3
thanks guys. My uncle is the one who said this to me.
Unfortunately, our families don't always understand. I've been receiving mental health treatment for 12 years and my family often tries to pretend like it's not real. I have bipolar disorder/ADD/anxiety, but my dad has depression and anxiety and it's even difficult for him to understand me. He's been on the same antidepressant for years and doesn't understand why sometimes my meds just stop working. Just understand that because a family member says something out of ignorance or not understanding it doesn't mean that they don't still care for you. I know my parents love me, but it's hard sometimes knowing that they don't understand me a lot. <3
oh hon kiddo is right, some people don't understand, but your friends here do
Working within Mental Health (and being a user) one of the things that is well known is that the person who presents with mental health worries is not always the one who is ill. Another family member/s may be the one/s with the illness and the person who presents with an illness is the one that 'shows' the illness of the family as they are the one most effected emotionally. Think about the causes of reactive depression.
Oh that is so true Sheila! I see that all the time at work - I was told by a very experience therapist that I know through work that sometimes 'madness' is the only sane reaction to a situation.
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