Feeling sad...I miss my Mum..

My Mum passed away last year, which has been hard to come to terms with.
Today I was out at a shopping centre, and everything in the shops seems to be for Mother's Day...
I just feel so sad...when will I get over it?

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7 replies since 28th February 2010 • Last reply 28th February 2010

Hun, you won't ever get over it, but it will get easier. Sorry that your mom passed away and I can only imagine what what you're going through. There will be some days that won't be so good, which is to be expected. Most people's moms are their best friend, the one person they could always count on. I can't say I know how you feel because I still have my mom with me, but I do know that it will be very hard for me to deal with when the time comes. It may be hard, but try to remember and celebrate Mother's Day in honor of your mother by making her a special bouquet or card for her tombstone. I'm feeling sad for you now, mom's are the best things in the world, again I'm sorry you've lost yours. Hope you have someone to comfort you in your time of sorrow. God Bless.

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hi Nora,

It will be 3 years on March 6th since my Dad died. I have to say that life without him still sucks big time, but I can say that my life still moves forward. My pops would have been so mad at me if I had put my life on hold after he died and I was still waiting for it to start again.
It took me about a 18 months to get back to some sort of normality, and then (thankfully - in a strange way) my husband left me, but him leaving me gave me something else to concentrate on.

The firsts of everything are difficult to cope with, their birthday, mothers/fathers day, Christmas, New Year, your birthday etc, but it does get easier. Just don't feel like you are not being normal by feeling a certain way by a certain time. It will be better when you are ready.
If you need to chat, just let me know

K/x

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I think I've got to agree with everyone here. Mum's play a big part in our lives and no matter what, you won't ever get over it. My Granddad died 21 years ago last friday (I think) - I was only 3 weeks old at the time - and my dad still misses him everyday and still hasn't got over it, after all them years.

Of course I am very sympathetic to your situation and I am so very sorry for your loss and everyone else's losses. I don't know what I would do without my mum!! Of course its hard on a day like Mothers Day. My parents are separated (which is obv no-where near the same as losing a parent) I see him once, maybe twice a week for about an hour at a time (if I'm lucky) but it was very hard a good couple of years ago, I couldn't see him for Fathers Day because he was taking a holiday - in Malta I think - without me, so it was hard to not only NOT see him Fathers Day, but also for him to be swanning off on holiday without me.

Like I said, it's no-where near the same thing, but I can kinda see how distressing it can be when you want to spend a special day with a loved one and you can't.

I agree with Creativemind, you should spend the day celebrating your mum. Make a collage of lots of pictures of her (if you can) or watch her favourite films... stuff like that!! As well as going to take her favourite flowers to where she is now. If it helps, you can always write a heartfelt note and take that with the flowers. I've done that with my nan's plot before now, when I've really missed her on her birthday or something.

I truely am sorry for your loss honey...

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You could also think about planting something on the day - maybe a rose bush or something that will grow over the years. I work at a daycentre and run a gardening group there and we have lost 3 members over the years and we (clients and staff) have found it comforting and has given us all a space (both in terms of time and place to think) to do something for that person which will live on. Also plants like rosebushes often have names for their breed and we were able to get a really aptly named one for one member.

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I'm really sorry to hear that Nora. This can't be an easy time of year. I have recently suffered bereavements and I threw myself into a new hobby-crafting. I haven't looked back since. I find it very healing to design my pieces with those people in mind. It was my Nana and Grandad I lost so I made two little scottie dog patchwork toys. One was small petite one in Cath Kidston fabric and the other was a large one made from tweed. I called them Kath and Alan after my beloved Grandparents. I'm sorry for rambling but perhaps you could craft and use your Mum as inspiration, I did. I find it really helps having Cath and Alan sitting on my bed.

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My mum in-law passed away last year too. She was like my mum. She supported me, stood by me and was my best friend. She was in her late 50's and had breast cancer. I don't think you will ever really 'get over it''. It does get easier but there will always be things that will remind you of her and make you ache inside. I look at all the things she stood for, all the things she did for me and all the things she taught me about being a mother to my own daughter. I count my blessings that I knew such a strong woman. Her body became frail but her spirit wasn't. She's still with me in many ways through my daughter. It's particulary hard at this time of year. I find myself avoiding card shops. I will light a candle on mother's day and wish her spirit well. Everyone finds their own way of coping. Hope my story helps and you find peace. Many hugs x

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Thank you all for your kind and touching comments, I love you all for your kindness and help.
I guess I'm finding it hard, as it was the first Christmas without my mum, then my first birthday without her there, then her own birthday, and them Mother's day looming all withing a short time.
I just didn't realise how much I would miss having my Mum here, and even at my age I feel adrift without her....but I suppose that as they say, time is the great healer.

I will visit her grave on Mother's day where she is now together with my Dad, and I will make a special bouquet of her favourite carnations, a personal little card, and spend some quiet time here...it is in a beautiful peaceful location, and I think that planting a rose would be a great idea...it would bloom for a long time if I could find a hardy one.

For all of you who still have your Mums, cherish the time you have together..it is so special. I know I was a terrible teenager, and gave my parents a lot of heartache, but they taught me that in the end your family are the only ones you can really depend on, taught me about forgiveness and unconditional love, and made me into what I hope is a good parent myself.

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