Friendship Problems

So this is a bit of an rant. I would like to see what others thing.
Recently I have lost two friends with no fault of my own. I do not have many friends since high school. You know how it is everyone most away and forgets about there friends and goes off in there own little world.

The first friend I lost what happened was odd. She got mad at me because she was worried about getting this new job in the mall. I told her not to worry about it and that she would get it. I told her to look at the bright side of either outcome, If you get the job then you have a job. But if you don't get the job you never know might not have liked it if you did get it. But either way everything would be okay. She whent off on me over text and has not talked to me in three months over this. Even though I told her I was sorry, and that I was just trying to make her feel better.

The second friend was just all of her lying and drama. I dont think I can type everything she did to me. But I really miss this friend but she just causes me so much pain. Grrr

Is it just me or is it really hard to find good friends. So many people lie for no reason. It isnt everyone I know that. Just seems like everyone that gets really close to me. I know I must sound bitter. I guess I kinda am. Just tell me what you think or share with me your problems with friendship, Maybe I wont feel so alone on this.

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52 replies since 31st December 2009 • Last reply 31st December 2009

I don't think that it's just you. I have found that good friends are hard to find...especially the older you get. I only have a handful of friends that I have had for any length of time. I only have one from high school (and I'm coming up on my 10 year) and only one from college. Try not to let these situations bother you too much (easier said than done). I lost a friend a couple of years ago, although nothing really happened...she just stopped talking to me...and it still makes me cry. But i realize that everything has a purpose and sometimes I think that it was all for the best. Hopefully you will find some friends that treat you right and don't cause all kinds of drama.

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Finding good friends is really difficult. I have been in Wales over 6 years and only made two real friends. I have one friend left from school, tho she is a friend in need if you know what I mean=/
I had a best friend in school who just stopped talking to me for no reason, it was really weird, one day best friends, the next day nothing. I'm guessing she had issues=)
Some of my best friends now are people I've never met, online friends are cool=)

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It *is* really hard to make close friends, the older you get! I'm kind of at that point where I want to avoid as much drama as possible, so when I first meet someone and they seem great, but then you sort of find out they are a little bit off or a little bit dramatic, sometimes you have to make that decision whether or not to welcome that into your life, keep the person sort of out of your most inner circle. It sounds mean, but I have found myself doing this a little because I just don't want to make the situation even worse in the long run.

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I agree

However it is not just difficult as you get older - I find it's harder to meet new people since at school you are subject to different classes with different people. It is just as difficult in school or not to maintain those friends.

It is definatly difficult to make good friends, don't forget that being in "high school" (especially with girls) that your hormones are all over the place, as well as this it is around this time that you get to know yourself and people's tastes in different things change... also a lot of you are subject to peer pressure.

Do not forget also that you will lose a lot of your friends when you leave "high school" & college (if you go) because people get jobs or go to different colleges and stuff and you lead different lives. I lost a lot of friends at school in similar ways to you, then I just made a new group of friends. I went to college (Uni to me) with one of my school friends and we met two other girls and were one big group of four friends. However, one of the stopped talking to me because she's an idiot (lol) and my school friend and the other Uni friend are tight friends and I'm getting pushed out. I'm leaving in a few months so I don't care so much.

I keep in contact with about 2 or 3 people from school, but only 1 of them I am in regular contact with. I wouldn't worry about it, at least from this situation you have gained experience about people. I wouldn't worry about it, it does hurt but I would make other friends, show these two girls that you've moved on and have other friends besides them.

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I agree with Twinkie Chan 100% I try and avoid drama as much as possible because it complicates friendships. Whenever you meet someone new they will always seem great because you are both putting on appearences for one another. She's right in saying to keep them out of your inner circle until you fully know them, because this is what happens to us all, we meet a new friend and think they are the best and instantly put them in with our top friends. Then we find out what they are like and get hurt...

We all do it!!

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Thank you everyone. This has made me feel a lot better. I have been thinking about getting a pen pal.

I do try to say away from drama as much as possible. I have met two girls in the past year that I kept kinda away from me before becoming close friends with them. Then I found out all they do is sit and talk bad about each other. I do not like that. I am the type of person that will tell you if I don't like you or if I have a problem with something. Needless to say I am not friends with them.

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hey girls, I am probably older than most of you on here, but for what its worth here is my story: the women that I choose as friends are often very outgoing and sometimes funny, too. Things go well for a while and then the downside of their personality shows ,when it becomes very one-sided. For example, I recently 'broke up' with a friend after an accumulation of things: she used me as the butt of her jokes at social gatherings (embarrassing), told others about some very private stuff I had confided in her, (betrayal) pried into my private life, (uncomfortable) and the last straw was when she kept me waiting over an hour with no explanation and when I confronted her, she couldn't understand it and did not apologise...rude! At that point I decided to end the friendship. Another thing that puts me off is when you listen to them for ages, but when you want to talk they change the subject or lose interest...I will do anything for my friends, maybe I expect too much? Thankfully I have other friends who I love and we have more of an equal relationship

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I find when you are younger you think everyone are your friends, but I can count on one hand my best friends, the true ones

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I feel like I have none anymore. There used to be a group of 4 of us at secondary school, we are still kinda friends. One of them came to Uni with me and me and her made another group of friends (4 altogether) one I fell out with because she's always got something dramatic going on in her life and she causes a lot of it, being on and off with her bf every week over something you would expect to see in a soap. My friend from school and the other girl have got so tight that I am not involved in convos and am involved in the butt of their jokes!! The other two from school, one I hardly see at all and the other one I text nearly everyday but she is always having problems with her BF (it's not like my other friend) he's an idiot, he takes so much money off of her and she works like 43 hours a week for that money (poor girl). He hardly spends quality time with her anymore and shes totally changed into a different person, I <3 her and will always be there for her but I'm finding it demanding and isolating and she is always picking him over me - as such - and she only comes round to my house when she wants to talk her situation through, like if something new with her and him have happened. My last true friend is a good one but she goes to Uni in Liverpool so it isn't quite the same.

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So I all understand what you are going through, those girls that are being b*tchy are hard to be friends with, but even the people that are good friend material can also be hard to keep friendships with, I feel so isolated I don't know what to do with myself. I can't wait to leave Uni and just start a fresh working up in London, making new friends and having some social life. My friends are the extreme, most of them want to go out drinking and partying/raving all the time and then there are a few that like never leave the house. I like a nice quiet drink out or a nice girlie night in... but I get nothing. What's a girl to do... eh? lol

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well i have this friend who is just such a dramaqueen, if i do onley one thing 'wronge' she gets pisted, but because she cant stay angry the next day everything is just perfect again, i dont really have a saiying in rather we are friend or not -.-' she just takes me for granted... so my stretegy is to just let her, she talkes to me about her problems, i hardly listen, if i have a problem i go to the ones i can really trust. and she can be fun, but i just always make sure that if she's pised aboute something stupid, i'm not in her sight Tongue am i a bad friend now that i'm proventing myself from being draged douwn in her shit? i don'd really think so Tongue and about true friends, i think they come and go, just go with the flow and see ware life takes you haha Tongue ofcorse it sucks if you lose a good friend, but there will be others if you are just you and you just do what you like to do. and internetfriend are always cool becouse they cant make fun of you in front of your other friends, its just easyer becouse its less personal i think ;)

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OMG!!!! I totally feel you on the "drama queen" friend, I had one just like her. It was just constantly draining to speak to her and I'd always feel stressed out. I've just recently told her that I don't want to speak to her again, I'm too old to deal with someone who throws more tantrums than a 2yo. I feel soooo much better after breaking the friendship off Happy

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well, she's not like always naging me aubout talking to her, she just always conplains, she claimes to see ghost, read minds (how are always perverts),say's she's bi and forthat her classmates tease her and always has problems with teachers about that they get angry with her becouse she has a big mouth, but most of the times she does indeed and the teacher has the full right to be anrgy -.-' she just lives in her own little world ware everybothy is against her. it's just starting to make me soo enoied, I always have the feeling that i just what to yell at her about hou she is destroying her life, but i wont becouse she wont understand me anyways and she'll just slap me or something like that -.-

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well, i have friend trouble too- caity, you won;t like this i think-sorry....
i have a best friend. i've had her as best friend for ages, and eventhough we like 45 minute drive away from one another, we allways were on the same line, like.
we had the same way of thinking, we liked the same type guye, had the same type of humor, liked the same music, and had the same style clothing. we know eachother trough our parents. we were the same in pretty much everything.
then something wonderful happened-she fell in love, and her first love was her boyfriend. they have been dating for over 9 months now. for her, i couldn't be happier. he makes her happy, so how can i possibly not think this is great? and i do think that! seeing her so happy, makes me happy too. i just want the best for her....
but ever since she got the bf, she changed. she became more and more alternative. i relate to her less and less-the taste is guys is totally different i think, since i am not at all attracted to her bf-actually, i couldn't be less attracted. which is a good thing, so i'm glad about that. the style we have is totally different-she's way more goth-like than me. i'm slightly emo, but quite normal for the rest of it. humor...well, that's still mostly the same. music is different now, too. we just have lots of things we used to have in common that we now don't have anymore.
its weird....somehow she is my bf, but she also isn't.
in the meanwhile, decembre sucked. there was a lot of discussion about whether i and my brother would spend cristmas and stuff with my mum or my dad. it made me just tired...it seemed like the whining would never stop! 2 friends of mine got me trough, vera and e. my bf? i kinda tried to keep it from her-she's busy enough with her own life. also, i noticed it is almost always me who contacts the other, or thinks up we should do things together.
she can't help it. and she's wonderful. but sometimes i feel like we're growing apart, trough differences and distance....
but since we both have our own seperate lives now(in our daily life the other isn't included because of distance and stuff)...sometimes i feel as close as it used to be with her, and sometimes i just don't.
i don't know what to think now. and the situation isn't great for her, either!
and i try to connect with my friends well. but since i can be real weird and boring, too(i always forget whether if i've told someone something yet.) this doesn't allways work so well. and also, as i became less connected with her(and i understand that. we both changed a little. we were like this: || but now we're like )( . still connected, but a little less connected.) i became more connected with v! so now, its like i have 2 best friends-v, who i can laugh with, and we have this inability for akward silences. when we're silent together, it cant be akward. we just don't get those! v is a true best friend, she was the one who got me trough a emo-ish fase. if she wouldn't have been there and stuck with me, i would be emo now. and i'd have lost practically all of my friends. also, on primary school i had awful glasses that made me a hideous geek. this ruined my selfesteem, until 3th grade-then i learned how to take of the masks i had on me and be myself again. and i learned this from v. she helped get me my selfesteem back, and i owe her forever for that. thanks, v.
the other girl, cake(i'm so sorry...i hate this! and i don't want to hurt you...), has been my bf for all along. without her, i don't know if i would've been me, the way i am now.
i think...if i try, and work for the friendship enough...it might work out with cake.
and sorry for the confusing post. i'm confused, too. but i'll just work harder for the friendship, and beieve everything will come out allright.
and i am, too very sorry for hurting you with this, cake(though i hope you aren't hurt much)...but there is no way of telling this without hurting people...and i cant keep a secret from you. you know pretty much everything about me.
i <3 both v and cake. and without you guys, i wouldn't be me.
thanks.

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