Help with a guy!!!
So me and my boy friend have been together about a month now and one thing that is becomming apparent is he has a bad reputation.
Im currently taking my AS's he is 2 years older than me. He has had lots of problematic relationships, he's on anti depressants, he mange to get one of his previous girl friends pregnant (luckly it came to nothing).
He keeps saying that he wants to change to be with me, but these are still sending alarm bells in my head. To make matters more uncomfortable he is my elder brothers best friend and my brothers girl friend is his ex. I want this to work or it could get very messy. I kind of feel like Im in a soap opera.
dose any one have any advice or just give your opinion on it anything would help please :S
I suggest to go with your gut instict. You're way to early in the relationship to be following your "heart". If you are feeling like the relationship is a bad idea it's best to break it off respectfully then to drag it out.
I also think you should know that the right relationship won't make you feel uncomfortable.
From what I have seen in many people, not just guys, if someone hasn't started making changes by the time you meet them then there is a good chance they won't be changing at all. Or at least anytime soon.
It sounds like his emotional problems or mental instability (or whatever the reason is for his antidepressants)is a big factor in his tendency to have troublesome relationships. And if this is the case then it will take a lot of serious effort going to the relationship on both of your parts for it to work out.
He has made changes already like he's stopped smoking and he's started to eat healthy foods. He seems stable at the moment and I'm worried that if I did brake up with him he may sip back and then I would have my brother blaming me for that, I feel that I have left it too late and now what ever I do it could end up messy.
You can't hold yourself responsible for the decisions and choices other's make. You aren't to blame for those choices- only for the choices you yourself make.
PinkWeeds, you hit that nail right on the head!
Talk to your brothers girlfriend, talk to your older brother, ask them about his dating history. Think of it as getting references. If what they say sets off more alarm bells, I'd end it.
Also quitting smoking and eating better is nice, but doesn't say much about his personality. Taking anti-depressants now a days is something I consider rather normal, as long as he keeps taking them. If he is not, that would be an alarm to me. Now, getting a girl pregnant, that seems more suspicious. It may mean he refuses to use birth control or it may have been more of an accident.
If you need to break up with him, do it. You need to take care of you. If your brother does not respect you decision, then he needs to be reschooled in the older sibling laws. You don't blame your younger sibling for looking out for herself. Like I said talk to your brother and the ex-girlfriend and see if more alarm bell go off.
Unforchantly they are unreliable sorces, thanks for all your advice in the end I decided to tell him how I felt, he was very nice about it and we've agreed to take things slow and see how it goes. I thought it was best to make sure we were on the same page.
I hate to say this...but are you sure they're unreliable, or are you just being blinded by your determination to believe this guy is a good choice? There are too many women out there trapped in relationships simply because they want to reform a bad boy. Face it, those stories are mostly just in the movies. But who knows? I mean, maybe you're one of the lucky few. It's good that you can talk to him about it. That's always a good sign. Just be very careful, and find out the nature of the relationships which made them problematic...
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