Recent Posts by Knittin' Kitten
So I've bene in a pretty bad way over the last couple of months - issues with living with my boyfriend, trying to find an antidepressant that works etc etc. I'm falling really far behind with my uni work but I've actually had some semblance of happiness lately because I've made a group of friends, and I'm always much happier flitting in and out of different groups. Except now, my solid group of friends in York are all pissed off with me, for seemingly no reason.
I had a big fight with my best friend at a house party, where she said that I made up my depression to win arguments and that it's really hard being friends with someone who's depressed (boo fucking hoo) and then when I shouted at her to leave the room she threw me against the wall and hit me. We made up later but things are still bound to be awkward after that. But when I was talking to another friend about it the other day, she said that she sympathises with Lauren cause she probably just misses the old Jenny, and asked if it was true that I was making it up. Of course that really bothered me but I talked to the counseller yesterday and she said I shouldn't worry because it's essentially a good thing that they love me and are worried about me, and I decided to make an effort not to bring up my problems all the time so they wouldn't get sick of me.
But now my other friend has just started having a go at me, saying I'm different and that they all "know" something's up. So it turns out that they've been talking behind my back about me and are planning some kind of intervention to sort out what's wrong with me, when as far as I was concerned, nothing was wrong. And she was angry with me because I sat on her boyfriend's lap, which is something I do with everyone, and of course when I point out that Lauren does that it's okay, cause it's just Lauren but when I do it I'm clearly trying to have sex with Henry. And everyone thinks this and thinks I'm an awful human being for it.
I can't go on like this. I'm so close to self-harming again and keep having recurrent thoughts about killing myself. I need my friends to say "It's okay, we love you, we'll help you through this", not hate me because of it.
I went vegetarian for a few different reasons, and I'm very happy with how I am. I don't feel right eating animals - if someone else wants to then that's up to them, but I don't like the idea of it. And it's for the health side. I dunno, I'm just in it now and don't see any point in changing.
The only advice I can say is try not to drive yourself crazy over it...if you fancy eating some meat then give it a go and see. From my experience, lapsed vegetarians go crazy for meat when they allow themselves to eat it. Last time I tried to eat meat, I threw up and it was black. Put me off it. Like PinkWeeds said, just be careful getting back into it if you decide to.
But I mean, you could always be a vegetarian most of the time but then let yourself have the occasional bit of meat or fish? I used to think in black and white terms about it but now I think that you can still have those morals and occasionally just admit that you're human.
God I wish it had worked that way in my school! The teachers were terrified of the bullies and never did anything about it. I was bullied my whole way through secondary school but they never did a thing about it. But then I'm kinda glad that I learnt how to deal with it myself - you're not always gonna have someone to look after you, and I'd rather toughen up young than discover later on that I have no defense mechanisms.
My tactics for dealing with that would be to say "Yep, I'm a dirty filthy immigrant here to steal your jobs and your women". If you just agree with him to a stupid extent he'll realise how ridiculous it is.
I'd like it if Holly's way worked but in my experience, saying stuff like that makes it worse. Yeah, he's really insecure, so if you tell him he's insecure and everyone knows it he's likely to do worse. Well, that's in my experience anyway.
But you've got to do what's right for you, or what you're comfortable with. If you don't want to confront him then yeah, just ignore him - pretend you can't hear him. It's hard at first but it's gets easier to block people out.
God damn =( The other couple I live with have just broken up. Obviously it's really bad for them, and I feel awful but I'm a practical person and think about practical things. And I'm just thinking about how this is going to affect all of us in terms of money.
Luckily because my boyfriend lives here off the contract, he can be put on the contract. But rent is going to go up for all of us, bills are gonna go up (we were diving everything by five, now it's by four). Jake owed me a bit of money which I won't get now, and also he's obviously not gonna give me bill money for this month now even though he's been here for 3 weeks of it. He also owes Andy money which I'm guessing he won't get. So that's just a big ball of stress. I'm probably gonna have to fork out for him.
Yay Random Rants is back!
I'm a huge exploding ball of stress right now. Uni is really swamping me and that's okay, I like that, I like being kept busy. But I'm trying to do my work and I'm having to be a mum to Andy at the same time. I don't mind doing a bit more housework because he works, but he barely worked over the weekend when I wasn't there and didn't do ANYTHING in the house. It's his graduation tomorrow so I've got to be there for him - and now I'm having a panic because I just put his shirt in the wash to freshen it up, and it got taken out too soon by one of my housemates and it's soaking wet and probably won't be ready for tomorrow so he's gonna have a go at me about that. And my dress was in there too so I don't know what I'm going to wear now. And things at home were crap, and Christmas always stresses me out, and I feel sick all the time at the moment and now because I've been crying I have a HUGE headache so dunno how I'm gonna get this damn literature review done AND tidy our room.
But I mean, I could do it any point in my life. I'll never not be a person who's had a boob job. So if we did break up in a year, I could do it then. And I can understand that while I'm at uni isn't the best idea.
I'm Pagan too but no one I know is so I don't really get to share it with anyone. It's a real shame, I miss my spiritual side but no one really gets it.
I'd love to go to the Goth weekend one year, especially as it's so close to me now.
Well I talked to them and they said they could change my name but it would still have to have my face in it. Andy (my boyfriend) really isn't comfortable with it so I'm not doing it for him, and I kind of understand.
I'm 19 and live away from home, and me and my mum talk about this stuff - heck, my parents paid for the operation. But I don't think she'd be happy about it.
I've decided to leave it for now. It's a shame though, could have done with a Â£1000 and I'd love to get some more awareness about the problem out there, cause I really struggled and I know a lot of other people have. People have found my blog on here and emailed me about it and stuff.
Maybe one day. They're not even healed up properly yet so I couldn't provide a good "after" picture.
We got in loads of sweets cause we know there are kids around, but none came knocking =(
Me and a bunch of friends went out to a gig and dressed up, which was pretty fun, but it wasn't as good as it usually is. Last year I had three Halloween celebrations!
I just love Halloween, it's so fun. I love carving pumpkins and dressing up and that. I hope when I have kids they can go trick-or-treating
So out of interest, I emailed this company with my breast augmentation story, and they'd be interested in writing and selling it to a magazine.
God knows I need the money, and I would love to get more information about the condition I had out there. But I distrust journalists (being one) and even though I suppose I could change my name for it and wouldn't necessarily have to provide pictures, what if someone knew it was me? I'm not generally bothered about people knowing but it's quite an in-depth thing to talk about.
The company offers the opportunity to talk to them, find out how much you'd get for it and then decide whether you want to go ahead or not. Maybe I should do that? I'm not sure whether to talk to my mum about it - I don't think she'd be happy, and chances are she isn't gonna read the type of magazine it would end up in.
I'm new to this whole bra shopping thing, but I'm having a similar problem. I seem to be a 36D now, even though my boobs don't look that big. If I get a C, it doesn't cover me properly. But last night I borrowed my friend's which was a 34DD and it fit fine. Hmm!
My friend Lizzie has problems because she's TINY, like a size 0 and she has C cup boobs. She looks amazing but she can never get clothes in her size.
Eurgh no, I'd be freaked out. I wouldn't want anyone to get my name tattooed on them, no matter how long I'd been with them. Like other people have said, symbols aren't too bad, but names are different.
Yeah, he probably should get it covered up haha. It's not nice to date someone who has another girl's name on him.
I was just pointing out that crafts are different things to different people, so some people do focus on hair and makeup as crafts.
But anyway, they're obviously sorting it out, I just know I'd hate if I worked my arse off and came on to people complaining about everything.
Umm, adblockers people. It takes like two minutes to download.
And Zina, what you think is interesting isn't interesting for other people. If I saw an advert for a printer I'd think "What the hell? Why do I need that?" Maybe some people want to buy hair products and makeup. Sorry, but the site isn't tailor made for you.
And like Cat said, I don't know if you know anything about websites but you don't get to choose which adverts you get. Without those adverts the site couldn't run. It's just Cat and Tom doing it, and they both have full time jobs and only run this site out of the kindness of their hearts. I think we all need to take a second and actually thank them for that instead of complain about every little thing that goes wrong.
Remember guys, it's only the internet ;)
I get that all the time - most girlfriends don't trust me around their boyfriends, which pisses me off because I wouldn't do anything, and I have a boyfriend anyway!
It sucks but at the end of the day, you can't be friends with someone it's a constant battle with. It sounds harsh but if he's in this incredibly destructive relationship, you kinda have to leave him to it. You can be there to pick up the pieces if/when it finishes, but if it's causing you stress to be friends with him, I'd just leave it.
I've had a similar situation recently where I've received threats from a girl because I chat to her boyfriend at work - she hacked into his Facebook, sent me abusive messages then deleted me, then memorised my number so if I text him she'll know. She keeps pretending to be him and flirting with me to see if I'll flirt back. And I just can't be arsed any more. He's not happy with her but he's not gonna do anything about it and I'm not risking getting hurt. ESPECIALLY now he's started using me as a scapegoat - I didn't talk to him for two weeks, then out of the blue got a text saying "Please leave me alone, I'm not interested." Apparently he's been telling her that I'm still talking to him! So I just told him to delete my number and not get in contact with me any more.
If I was like that I just wouldn't get into a relationship with anyone. If you're that jealous, you're not happy, and you're making someone else miserable. I know where people are coming from, I've been cheated on quite a few times but you can't lump everyone in together. I'm glad that me and my boyfriend trust each other - obviously it's not implicit, and we get jealous and sometimes remind each other in a jokey way "You'd better not sleep with him/her or I'll kill you!" but we're a lot happier this way.
So this is the new rant thread =P
A lot of the time when I talk, people clearly aren't listening, or they just talk over me. I know not everything I say is thrilling, but I'm starting to feel invisible.
It's my friend's wedding on Saturday and I have only tomorrow to get a present for her and her hubby!
My budget is Â£35 so I'm thinking a wedding hamper would a nice idea (Â£5 on basket, Â£30 on stuff to go in it?). I'm great at shopping on a budget and making it looks like loads.
Here are some ideas I have for going in the basket -
Ann Summers stuff
Sheep/motorcycle (she likes sheep, he likes bikes)
Love sweets/Hersheys kisses
Disposable camera (for the honeymoon)
Pocket bible (both very religious)
Any other ideas? I'm gonna have a look round town and will see what I can get for the price.
Oh I've had the bleach thing - when I was going from black to blonde, I paid tons to get it done at the hairdressers, and it went so very, very orange.
A little while later I dyed a streak of my hair black, and then when I tried to bleach it so I could dye all of my hair pink, it just went brown. And stayed brown. For AGES. The only thing that FINALLY got rid of it was dying my whole head dark purple.
I've had sooo many hair fail stories.
I know what you mean. I'm 19 and I've always hated people my own age. My best friends are all older and I've always dated older men. It really upsets me when I try to help something and they see a teenager near them and freak out.
I'm no model citizen, I lost my virginity at 13, I smoke and drink and take drugs, but I would never hurt or threaten anyone, I'm not rowdy, I try to help people all the time and do charity work, but I'm still looked down on for my age.
Aargh I fucking hate drama.
So there's this guy I was friends with last year, who got really obsessed with me and kept trying to get with me and was telling people we were together even though I have a boyfriend. A little while later he slept with this girl and a few days later she found out she had an STI. That's all I know and all me and another girl told our friend. But of course it's come back to him that I'm saying he gave her it.
So his retaliation? He's telling everyone that we slept together while I was with Andy. And I don't know if he's gone insane or what but he was talking to me like we HAD - calling me a skanky whore and threatening to tell Andy, and when I said there was nothing to tell he was like "Yeah, sure, we both know what you did", which you can't really say anything to. So obviously I've blocked him now but it really upsets me that he's telling people this and trying to ruin my relationship, which is going really well!
And I'm trying to resist the urge to beat the shit out of him. It's a long time since I got violent with anyone, I try to control that part of me, but no one calls me a whore for no reason.
So the only reasons he's saying this are
1) He's insane and believes it happened
2) He's making it up to piss me off and maybe had someone sat next to him that he had to prove it to
3) That one time he stayed over mine he raped me while I was unconscious
I'm just so freaked out by this, it's so absurd!