01 Nov 03:03
raise hands...meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

somehow I think my mom may of been right about Gio, the 1st and only man I have been in love with. He broke up with me because my visa ran out and I had to move back to Canada, we didn't break up right away, it was actually three years long distance. sigh. But I have never felt that way since, I was 20 then, I am 28 now.

I just got out of a relationship- I broke it off. I think I really wanted to be in a relationship so I overlooked some things a bit, but in a way I guess he wasn't Gio, or what I was used to. I really tried at the relationship I did. But after a year and a few months, it just wasn't working.

Now I don't have a job (got sick, lost it) and no relationship, in my small hometown. In some ways I do think our society puts too much pressure on us to settle down.

What do u think?

01 Nov 05:29
i do and it doesn't help cause i'm a 21 year old vigin and feel like i'm gonna die a virgin i haven't had a real realtionship since freshmen year of high school and my dad is already started in on the i just want you to fall in love and get married but kinda hard to do when yo can't get a date

01 Nov 07:06
I was single until I was nearly 30. I didn't mind though, I had a great time anyway. I did have the ocasional boyfriend but nothing lasted because I broke up after a while.

What bothered me a LOT when I was single was people telling me "to hang in there" like I was some sad and incomplete person. Some people would even say things like "oh you must be so lonely without a boyfriend". Yuk, like my happiness depends on having a boyfriend.

Anyway, I love having a boyfriend and living together. But I was also very happy when I was single.

Interstellar I'd say embrace your virginity (or sell it on e-bay ;) ) It's quite unique. And at the risk of being banal: you still have 10 fingers eh?

Michelle, I hope you'll get professional help soon, those waiting lists are big disgrace. I can imagine it's quite difficult to find a job too if you're not feeling well :(

01 Nov 14:17
Yeah I feel that too. And I used to be fine with it, which is the worst part for me. Before I met Tim, I figured that I'd probably have a string of boyfriends, nothing serious. I want a kid so I'd have to go with the sperm donor angle, and that's fine, we can make it on our own. Then me and Tim got together and it seemed like we could actually do this stuff, like get married and have kids, and my plan changed. But especially now I've had time to think about our relationship, it was pretty horrible, and we couldn't have brought a child into that. And I suppose it's because he kept telling me I'd never find anyone as good as him...and jesus, if it's no one as good as HIM, I'm doomed to a life of horrible men, right? I've got a new boyfriend now and I'm absolutely crazy about him but I know it's not gonna last forever because of little things like, he doesn't really share emotions with me, which is fine now but obviously not fine on a bigger scale. And I've been talking to people lately who all tell me that they do the same thing Tim did - after a while in a relationship, you just stop trying to impress the other person and stop caring so much. And that freaks me out. Which is why I've realised my life is probably going to be something along the lines of, Dramatic relationship after dramatic relationship, maybe a kid in their somewhere that'll make the dramatic relationships fewer but more dramatic, then eventually I'll become too old to be able to get guys for dramatic relationships, by which point my kid will be about a teenager and will have lost interest in me, then I'll have to go on dating sites just to get laid, and probably spend the rest of my days working or breeding. Hoorah!

01 Nov 14:30
you know guys, we are strong women. Like everyone we have our worried but like kitten, we have discovered our patterns, awakened ourselves.

I really just want to thank you guys, I have come to consider you all as friends

01 Nov 14:56
I like being on my own. I don't think I'd want to live with anyone again. Actually I don't think I could now, I don't like having to explain what I'm doing or where I'm going all the time. I wouldn't give up on relationships, I just think I'm better off in my own space. I think I want to have my cake and eat it lol

01 Nov 16:16
you know, I am so happy being on my own. I like the freedom

02 Nov 19:17
Problem is I can't sleep on my own. If I don't have someone to sleep next to me I have horrible nightmares all night and sleepwalk and stuff.

02 Nov 22:21
really? how about a long pillow? or a pet?

04 Nov 11:06
Knittin' Kitten: Michelle's idea of a pet might be a good idea, because it will also give you a bit of companionship.

Interstellar: You are not alone there, I'm 20 (21 in February) and I am also a virgin. I understand where you are coming from and all my NON virginal friends are like "it's no big deal" but it's like "easy for you to say, you're not a virgin!!" and I do feel like I will die a virgin also. But at the same time it is kinda unique for girls our ages to be virgin's. Put it this way, we are waiting for that special someone, who's just a bit lost right now? I haven't had a propery boyfriend because I can't seem to attract the men I'm interested in. If a man is interested in me, then usually I get too scared and run away. I think I build walls to protect my vulnerability and from my <3 being broken... but it leaves me alone.

Anywho I do like being single as well... many of my friends moan about their BF's or GF's or even their f*@k buddies... so I aint got to deal with all that drama, I can do what I want, when I want, where I want with whoever I want, not having to answer to anybody but myself!! Selfish? I know, but hey I don't care.

04 Nov 14:04
actually I was a vigin till I was 18, but I was in a long term relationship and waited. No one can tell you what to do, all I can say is wait till the time is right, with the right person, when you are ready.

05 Nov 15:10
Well I can't have a pet at uni, except the damn ladybirds in my room that actually ruin my sleep more, and at home I have a kitty but she's not very friendly.

Tried the pillow thing, doesn't work. I need to actually be able to reach out and touch a living person. It totally sucks and I don't know why it is. It also means that I get into the habit of sleeping with men just so I have someone to sleep in my bed (or I can sleep in theirs). But I have a boyfriend now so I don't have to do that any more - although he's as light a sleeper as me so if I roll over he wakes up, which then wakes me up...bleh.

05 Nov 20:03
:(

05 Nov 21:49
Bleh... I guess I'll reluctantly raise my hand for this one.

I don't know. I've just never been the guy that girls go for. On top of that I've become quite masterful in alienating people very quickly. I guess I've kinda grown pretty much indifferent to the situation since it's been like this basically forever and I don't see it changing. I do get the occasional drunken oh-my-life-sucks-moment every now and then, but for the most part I'm accepting it.

I did have one real girl friend, but even that didn't last that long and ended quite horribly. Heh, so much so that my dad's been asking me whether it's affecting my perspective on the whole dating thing in general.

06 Nov 03:18
you too eh? I am the same, alientating people or myself from them, I think I choose not to deal with the drama

06 Nov 19:41
Did any of you ever try dating sites? Just wondering because I met Gijs through a dating site.

And did anyone notice the ad on this topic? It's an ad for a dating site for Thai women. Is that on purpose or coincidental?

06 Nov 19:42
Also wondering if anyone is tempted by that ad actually.

06 Nov 19:51
I got a solar power ad...lol

I di try a dating website once, but I kept getting creepy guys asking me for sex or threesomes, and I was like ewwww.

06 Nov 20:32
I have ad-blocker - bwahaha!

I haven't tried dating websites but have met most of my boyfriends online, to be honest. It works nicely for me because I'm not attractive enough for guys to just come up and talk to me.

Yeah I've realised I do the alienating thing as well. I'm just hoping I don't push my current boyfriend away. Unfortunately one of my nervous breakdowns has shown up now, and we've only known each other a month so it's not like I can bother him with it, but I feel like I should tell him so he doesn't think I'm just being horrible..? Right now I just constantly want to be both on my own and really, really not on my own. Like I'm terrified of being on my own (I mean in a literal sense - sitting in my room alone doing work etc) but I'm also terrified of human interaction. Ah well, no uni next week, I can try and sort myself out then!

07 Nov 04:03
I think you should be honest, and it took me ages to learn to love myself. You can't be in a loving relationship till u love yourself. I am 28 and it too me a long time to get the self esteem. Surround yourself with postive people, and don't call urself ugly. Everyone is beautiful, just because you don't fit into society's neich, doesn't make you ugly

you might also want to consider theraphy, I did it, it helped me. It might not help you, but maybe even getting your fears out here, helps

07 Nov 09:19
Knittin' Nitten: You're soooo not ugly!! Michelle is right, putting yourself down is only going to make you feel worse. I'm one to talk but it sounds like we all have problems with esteem and with alienating people. I think you are right to tell him, just to explain why you might act in certain ways.

07 Nov 14:45
we have to get over our own hurdles...but we have each other. and it helps me

07 Nov 16:05
It does always help to have a group of people supporting you! ^.^ And having a big group of beautiful ladies to help each other out - who could ask for anything better, right? =)

Bec: Definately tell your non-virginal friends to stuff it when they say it isn't a big deal - it is!!! I always planned to save myself for marriage, but with my current boyfriend who was my first love, I changed my mind! I didn't want to look back one day and feel like I had missed out on something great, and he was really good about it! I was surprised, but really quite pleased when he turned me down! He refused for a good month, because he wanted to make absolutely sure that I was ready and that it was something I wouldn't regret. I think that's so special for a guy to do that, because most, once getting the go ahead, would just go for it! The first time is something you can never get back, so good for you! Waiting for that special someone - definately nothing wrong with that. ^.^

Heh. As for dating sites, I know my boyfriend went on one for fun when he was single - he filled out the profile and it said it couldn't help him! He was incompatible with everyone I guess. HAHA! I've never let him live that one down!

Unfortunately, I know in the long run it's not going to work out for us.... different little things that would be a major pain down the road, but it's fun for now, and I love him to death! I think my problem is similar to Michelle's.... when I was 11, I met this guy, Colby, from Alabama. We would talk on the phone for hours and hours, and he was my best friend!! We only get to see each other once a year, but I've never felt with anyone the way I feel around him. It's like I can get through anything as long as he's beside me, and it sounds so cliche, but it's like I love his soul and my heart just sings when I'm around him. I love it! Unfortunately, I guess because we're so far apart, we've never really had the chance to test the waters, and it would seem that he doesn't quite feel the same, which is okay!! I would much rather keep him as a very close friend than push for more just to put a title on the relationship. Still, I'm 20 now, and I have yet to meet another who makes me feel that way!! Ah well.... ^.^

07 Nov 16:54
I know I'm only 14 but it kinda feels that way for me, too. The only "boyfriends" I've had haven't been very good; the first one was a loser and the second was too shy. And the guy I've liked on and off since 3rd grade has never even given me a chance, or even thought about me that way. I know for a fact he doesn't like me now - he likes 2 of my friends and some other girl. No guys think I'm pretty...some stupid boy in my class made a "list" and it got out...I really know I shouldn't care and just be mad that he even did that and I am but I can't help being hurt by that.

And really all guys outside of school who I might consider striking up a friendship with ask me if I know its not Halloween.

07 Nov 17:58
Omigosh, that's really rude on two accounts:

> The -making the list-
> The -"you know it's not Halloween" comment-

It still sickens me about how rude and ignorant people can be. Just because we are all different from what society class as the "norm" means that anyone outside this catagory are allowed to be mocked at. It's like we are the one's not taken seriously even though we are probably the ones that are more down to earth!!

It's like we all have feelings, same as every other person, so why do people think they have a right to destroy that?
I'm sorry but stories like these really wind me up!!

Anyways, I'm not kinda bothered if I am alone forever, it's just when others kinda pressure you into settling down... so long as I am happy and confident in myself and have fantastic friends around me... then I'm all good. But I don't have that right now. :S