My boyfriend's brother! (very personal)

Okay, I think I'm allowed to talk about this on here and if I'm not then I'm sorry, just delete the thread or something. I just need to know I'm not blowing things out of proportion.

Tim's brother, Jem, has never been the nicest guy and everyone knows it. Even his closest friends know that he is actually a tool. And he's stupid, which makes it harder to deal with. Well at first he was somewhat nice to me and would buy me drinks and stuff and I loved being over there cause I love Tim, and I love his mum, and Jem was always pretty nice even though I knew he wasn't a -good person- as such.

But things have gotten weird lately. I am aware that the walls in their house are paper thin and he's complained about me and Tim keeping him up before (I'm sure you understand how), but it never seemed that big a deal. But it kinda started getting weird when Tim got his phone stolen and Jem sent me a text telling me not to send Tim any "really
dirty sexy shit" which apparently he thought was hilarious but I thought it was a bit weird.

Then when he was drunk about two weeks ago he started going on about me and Tim (oh and their friend was there too), and told me what noises to make and went on about masturbating to the sound of us getting it on. I'm sorry, is that not really weird?

Yesterday he came up to me being "polite" but IN FRONT OF THEIR MUM and told me that we're not allowed to have sex on weeknights. Yeah, thanks a lot Jem, you tool. Obviously I was a bit upset, he could have been a lot more tact about it but nooo. And then when I was still upset about it, me and Tim went on to a pub and saw another of Jem's friends who told Tim that Jem has been complaining to HIM about it! I'm uncomfortable with my boyfriend's brother being involved in my sex life, but even more so with strangers knowing! I don't want to meet someone and have them know about the noises I make in bed before they know my name.

I mean, maybe I'm over-exaggerating but I can't help but feel a little upset about the whole situation. It's also getting to the point where this may cause problems in mine and Tim's relationship, which is REALLY unfair.

Oh and please don't complain it's too personal (unless Cat decides it's actually not right for here, in which case fair enough). I warned as much as I could =) I just need to vent and have someone with a critical perspective tell me if I'm too bothered by this

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34 replies since 3rd August 2008 • Last reply 3rd August 2008

Reply #1:

have you told him its just as uncomfortable for you to know he's going on about it to other people? Or get Tim to say something? I don't think you are over reacting he may have heard the odd thing but that gives him no right to complain to other people, he has blown it out of proportion by telling people and making you upset when he could have just told you in a polite way.

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Reply #2:

Well the thing is, it's fair enough if he's a bit annoyed and just wants to vent to his mates, but it's like he's got this vendetta about it which is so unfair.

He knows I'm not happy, Tim yelled at him yesterday and they're not talking now because he made me cry. But seriously, you don't know this guy. It's always hard to know whether to hate him or pity him. He seems to think the world owes him so much, even though he's such a monumental prick! He always just makes his mum do whatever he wants. He's incredibly sexist because girls don't like him, but it's not cause they're all lesbians or all bitches, it's just cause no self-respecting woman would go anywhere near him!

Haha sorry, don't like him all that much =P

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Reply #3:

Sounds to me like he's jealous his brother is getting it on with a sexy girl! Of course it's very awkward when you are in a house with other people and want to get it on, but if you must you must.
If the brother can here, are you sure Tims parents cant here? I know that sounds gross, but if you say the walls are thin...

I have a huge fear of people hearing me, I could never do it when my folks were around, after me and my boyf moved in to parents for 3 months, their room was next door!!

He just needs to grow up! How old is he?

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Reply #4:

I'm sure Kathy can hear but she doesn't talk about it and I try not to think about it =P it's worse with Jem though cause they actually share a wall, whereas his mum's room is at the other end of the house. And I do think he's jealous. Not like, because of ME. Just cause his brother's actually able to get laid.

I hate people hearing too, but we can't ever go to mine so we don't have a choice! I suppose it'll be better when he's back in uni and I can go visit him in that house, but it's just a shame. This is why I'm worried - I'm not having that bastard put me off sex!

Jem's 24 *sigh*

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Reply #5:

I think that Jem is TRYING to cause problems [if that wasn't obvious enough] so as to, knowingly or not, maybe get you and your boyfriend into fight and then his brother won't be getting any like he isn't. ...


Have you guys thought about getting your own place? or are you not that serious? or maybe money issues?

Its got to be incredibly difficult to deal with someone who is both stupid, angry, pathetic, and annoying... I've never been able to, but there has to be some way!

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Reply #6:

uurgh I don't even wanna think about if we've been over heard! It puts me off a bit that situation but when you gotta you gotta!

Anyway I agree with everyone!

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Reply #7:

when you gotta you gotta <3 I thought people only ever said that about doing a number two.

ANYWAY. It sounds lke he might be trying to get a rise out of you- and i'm not surprised he's succeeding to be honest, but maybe do as best you can to ignore him? also if he's fiddling with himself over it, that is SO WEIRD that you should maybe send him to a psychologist. That's like incest, non?

How come you can't go to yours? Are your parents dead strict about it?

It was weird between my Beau and I when he lived with his folks... He'd come to mine and we'd have sex whenever we wanted, nevermind if my folks were home or not, because my parents seriously respect my privacy and they know that i have needs! But when we went to his, his walls are thin also, and his parents are very loud as well (i mean in general... not in 'that' department. yeuck.) so we'd either get heard or get put off. Beau wouldn't sleep with me until his parents had gone to bed, which was about 11 at night, and I'm an early bird so by then I was falling asleep. It was a bit of a non starter over there...

I know this is baaaad but can you and tim secretly make a schedule when the house is free (if not of both Jem and Kathy, just Jem) and make sure you only do it then?

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Reply #8:

Can none of you do it quietly!!!? Tis an art!

Sometimes it's not a case of privacy it's just that people don't think, been VERY close to being very embarrased! There's probably lots of, ah hem fun ways to do it so the bed doesn't make as much noise and stuff, google it. I'm feeling slightly embarrased now!

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Reply #9:

Nah unfortunately I've obviously been very loud! And most of the time I stay over we get drunk, so I forget to care all that much.

I know Roma, about Jem being weird, cause I dunno if he was just joking but even the joke really upset me. You don't get off on the sounds of your brother having sex! It's just not right.

He can't really come round mine, my bed is really tiny (he's coming over on Thursday when my parents are away and I'm gonna have to set up a makeshift bed on the floor!) and also, my brother is younger. I would argue that it's not that big a deal with Jem cause he's an adult who's had sex, but it's completely different being heard by my younger, virgin (as far as I know) brother. Even on Thursday I doubt we'll do anything.

As for getting our own place, he kind of has his own place but because he's working in Bristol he's living there now. When he goes back to uni I'll go visit him there a lot more but it's annoying cause my bus pass only includes Bristol and he's in the next city over, so I have to pay a bit to get over there.

And yeah, Jem is trying to get a rise out of it which is why I'm not pandering to him, but I can't help but be upset by it. I am doing pretty well at not responding to him though - when he talked to me the other day I just didn't say a word. I had a full pint in my hand and so wanted to "accidentally" spill it on him haha

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Reply #10:

I'm glad you didn't and don't waste beer! lol

It costs me 4 quid to get to Mike's, yes just to get there! but I get a lift back, it's ridiculous it's in the same town!! I used to use my college pass on the bus to his even though I shouldn't have but never had inspectors get on thank god but it's not valid anymore Happy anyway good for you for not rising to it. BAD MAN!

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Reply #11:

Yeah the problem is I pay like £400 a year just to have unlimited travel in Bristol, I can't afford to do it in Bath too! I'll just have to pay a bit more everytime I want to go over.

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Reply #12:

It costs me £40 to go and see my beau. The idea of only having to spend about £4 sounds like heaven.

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Reply #13:

all the 4s! It's a sign! yeh it's small when you put it like that but it's a lot when its only like 20 mins away by car.

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Reply #14:

Sounds like walking distance to me! But that might be just because I walk everywheeeeere.

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