So I've decided it might be helpful to keep my blog up while I'm going through my breast augmentation, in order to keep it all straight in my head and talk about how I'm feeling - without spamming the Random Rants thread too much!
It's almost 10pm on Saturday now. On Monday morning, I'll get to the hospital at 6:45am and see my surgeon and anaesthetist. I can't have any food after midnight on Sunday night, and no drink after 2am. My operation will probably be at lunchtime but could be any time after 7am, really. And well, I'm terrified.
I'm well aware, as everyone feels the need to remind me, that I chose to do this. But I suppose I didn't really think about the actual...surgery side of things. My mind has been so swept away with fantasies of having naked, intimate moments, and bra shopping - things I thought would never happen. And yes, when I look down at my horrid, heavy bra that I have to wear every single day just to make myself look normal, I know it's going soon. I can't even begin to describe how relieved I'm going to be to get rid of it! But before all that comes the surgery.
I watched Masterchef the other day. It contained the dissection of a chicken, and the sight of knife carving through skin made me feel ill. I'm vegetarian as it is, but how horrible is it to watch an animal being carved up, knowing that'll happen to me soon? I've always been squeamish, mostly about knives and needles. So now I can't stop thinking about the operation in the simplest way possible; I'm going to have a needle put into my hand which will render me unconscious, a tube put down my throat, and then Lisa is going to cut my skin open and insert plastic into me. It's terrifying. And after that's done, I get weeks of pain and inconvenience while my body heals.
I'm not as ungrateful as I probably sound. It's just that I've never had surgery before, and I don't know what to expect. So much can go wrong and I just don't know what to expect. I'm constantly asked when I'll be out again, how long it will take me to recover, and I simply have no idea! I normally bounce back pretty fast but I've never had anything like this before.
Tonight I begin packing for my stay. I have to start taking some anti-bruising tablets and get a decent amount of sleep before I go in for it. I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine but it's hard to shake from my mind the constant feeling I have that I'm incredibly unlucky, and that when they pull out that 1 in 1000 statistic, I feel like I could well be that 1.
And I can't talk to my parents about all this because they're paying for the procedure, and I don't want to sound like I don't want it, or that I rushed into it. But yes, I suppose I didn't think it through fully. I was far too caught up in the long-term to see the short-term.
I don't know if I'll write on here again before the operation - I'd like to do it every day but it depends whether I have anything exciting to say tomorrow. Monday is out too, but I'll try to write something that I can post up on Tuesday. If nothing else, I think it would be interesting for me to track my own progress.
Frankly, I'm terrified. Wish me luck.
Reminder - must remove nose ring!